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Original poster

Gender selection

103 replies

Noyosoy · 13/12/2021 01:38

Hubby’s friends have four girls and more money than sense (IMO). they are so desperate for a boy they have travelled to a country where you can choose the sex of the embryo/s implanted during IVF.

I find this just really gross and as someone who had no choice but to do IVF to have my kids (and it was SO shit!) find it astonishing anyone would go through it voluntarily when they are likely to conceive naturally. They have just announced she’s pregnant with their much wanted boy.

Opinions on this? Obviously happy that the pregnancy is going well, and know I’m being a hot judge but it’s really put me off them, I just think it’s a bit “ew”

OP posts:
Cyw2018 · 14/12/2021 07:02

I think there are ethical concerns about this, and selective abortion, at a population level, as it can lead to a skewed ratio of males to females with all sorts of long term repercussions.

However at an individual level, so what. Surely going through IVF is less risky and less unpleasant than going through 9 months of pregnancy, and then gambling on another pregnancy to see what you got then.

Darbs76 · 14/12/2021 07:16

@Dasher789 - yes I had a daughter (after 2 son’s) so was delighted. She’s 14 in March. I’m sure things have moved on re methods but I started 6 months before with supplements and spent so much time perfecting my sway! Good luck

HarrisMcCoo · 14/12/2021 07:26

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I have 3 boys and next time would like a girl. We have the money to do this snd I’ve thought about it but I wouldn’t because ultimately I want the baby nature thinks I’m meant to have. If I’m meant to be the mother of 4 boys then that’s what I’m meant to be! Couldn’t judge someone who did it though, it’s their choice.
That's my view too. I have four boys and it must have been meant. Nature just knows, everything happens for a reason 🤷
headintheproverbial · 14/12/2021 07:34

Imagine how their youngest girl will feel about this...

NumberTheory · 14/12/2021 07:45

In some ways I find it a bit of a kick in the teeth for the girls and rather sad that a child's sex should be so important to a parent. However, I think because our culture is pretty gendered, it's going to be a different experience bringing up a boy (even if you treated them exactly the same as a girl), and I can appreciate wanting to experience both.

Even though I can see why a parent might one at least "one of each" I do agree with a PP that it seems a bit transactional to purchase that choice.

As someone who had IVF, though I would certainly prefer not to do it, I don't think it was so awful that I would be surprised someone would do it "just" for a strongly desired trait. It's also probably not quite as emotionally difficult or liable to failure if you don't have fertility issues.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 14/12/2021 08:41

Tbh I feel sorry for this kid. They clearly have an idea of what a boy child will be like (as compared with their girls). They are setting the poor bugger up to be a disappointment as it rarely pans out.
Rotten for the girls too.

Dasher789 · 14/12/2021 10:02

@darbs76 ah congratulations!! I would love a girl too. I have been tracking my cycles for months and have read the babydust book etc. Can I ask what supplements did you take? Such an exciting time. All the best for March!!!

drspouse · 14/12/2021 10:06

@Kbyodjs

I feel sorry for the girls they have in this scenario; unless they plan on hiding what they did (which rarely works forever) they’ll feel like why weren’t girls good enough and the last one if not two or more will feel they only had them to try and have a boy.
And then when one of the girls works out they were not really wanted as a girl she will cut her hair short, wear blue and announce she is now a boy.
HarrisMcCoo · 14/12/2021 12:54

@headintheproverbial

Imagine how their youngest girl will feel about this...
I know. She will probably get vibes as she grows up.
HeyFloof · 14/12/2021 13:12

I have a DS. I have lost a baby boy, and a baby girl. I just want healthy baby who gets to come home.

I can understand why people want one sex or the other though. And why, if they have the means, pay through the nose for it.

pigsDOfly · 14/12/2021 13:21

I know a couple who ended up with 4 daughters because they kept trying for a boy.

I found this so sad that the children they were given were somehow no good enough and as it happens they where delightful children.

I always find this strong desire for a child of a particular sex rather troubling.

What happens if the boy that's so anticipated turns out not to live up to their expectations of what a boy should be, are they going to be massively disappointed with him and keep trying until they get the sort of boy they want?

My first born was a boy, but turned out to be a huge disappointment to his father who wanted a son who was hugely into sports, was tough as old boots and a 'bit of a lad' (he wanted a copy of himself).

Our son was a rather sensitive highly intelligent child who wasn't at all interested in sports - although he did take up snowboarding when he was older - and his father pretty much despised him when he was growing up, one of the many reasons he's my exh.

You might be able to go and get IVF in order the get the sex you want but you can't create a child's personality to order and so what happens if the child doesn't fit in with the sexual stereotype the parents are look for?

FebreroFred · 14/12/2021 14:27

It does surprise me how many people here are ok with it

drspouse · 14/12/2021 14:54

You might be able to go and get IVF in order the get the sex you want but you can't create a child's personality to order and so what happens if the child doesn't fit in with the sexual stereotype the parents are look for?
These days, just tell everyone your child is the opposite sex and put them on drugs.

Hillarious · 14/12/2021 15:55

@pigsDOfly - I knew a mum at school who ended up with four boys because she was desperate to have a girl. I remember talking to her at a (non-Downing street type) gathering, with another mum, where she said she wanted a girl so she had someone to go shopping with and buy pretty clothes. The other mum and I couldn't think of anything worse than an enforced shopping trip with out daughters. Gender stereotyping gets us into a pickle. You're right, we just need to embrace our children for who they are, and not their gender

Nomoreusernames1244 · 14/12/2021 17:11

I remember talking to her at a (non-Downing street type) gathering, with another mum, where she said she wanted a girl so she had someone to go shopping with and buy pretty clothes

Yep. I don’t have much of a relationship with my mum because I’m not interested in shopping, dresses, hair, “looking nice”- i look perfectly fine, just my mum thinks I’m unfeminine for not wearing makeup etc.

My dad wanted a boy as he was a footballer. He always maintained girls can’t play football. I was very athletic as a child and didn’t get this at all.

I always want to ask why people prefer a certain sex. It nearly always boils down to thinking matching genitals means matching likes and dislikes.

awaynboilyurheid · 14/12/2021 17:16

Reading your story op, I wonder about celebrities who have lots of children the of the same sex then miraculously have a child of a different sex, like the Beckhams, I wonder if it’s this selection process?

IncessantNameChanger · 14/12/2021 17:18

It's not like they had one girl and wanted a instant perfect family. They wanted to experience parenting a boy. I dont judge.

My boys are going to have to do pdg IVF as they have a genetic issue. I hope they dont make it wide knowledge and get judged for it. Count yourself very lucky not to understand it and move on.

Bortles · 14/12/2021 17:22

And what do they think will be so different with a boy? It's pretty mad really to make so many assumptions.

It is also ew to think of merrily disposing of all the foetuses because they are female.

FebreroFred · 14/12/2021 17:28

Just read about the Christmas card bit…

Receive if any sort of “family update Christmas card” where you get an essay about their year makes me 🤢🤮

I don’t think I would have known what to do with this one LOL

Nomoreusernames1244 · 14/12/2021 17:28

t's not like they had one girl and wanted a instant perfect family. They wanted to experience parenting a boy. I dont judge

What exactly is “parenting a boy” though and how does it differ from parenting a girl?

My children are completely different. Different likes, dislikes, abilities, hobbies. Completely different parenting experiences that has nothing to do with their genitalia. Had they been a different sex I don’t think it would have made much difference, i’d still be spending my days ferrying one to swimming, one to athletics, trying to get one to eat non beige food, enjoying the others spicy cooking…

AandWsmum2 · 14/12/2021 17:29

RECEIVING

TheCatWearsPrada · 14/12/2021 17:31

Children are not fashion accessories you don't get to pick what model you get. I wouldn't just judge them I'd cut them out my life

IncessantNameChanger · 14/12/2021 17:34

@Nomoreusernames1244

t's not like they had one girl and wanted a instant perfect family. They wanted to experience parenting a boy. I dont judge

What exactly is “parenting a boy” though and how does it differ from parenting a girl?

My children are completely different. Different likes, dislikes, abilities, hobbies. Completely different parenting experiences that has nothing to do with their genitalia. Had they been a different sex I don’t think it would have made much difference, i’d still be spending my days ferrying one to swimming, one to athletics, trying to get one to eat non beige food, enjoying the others spicy cooking…

I'm presuming they imagine it will be different or bring a different outlook to life.

I'm not them so I cant fill you in unfortunately on why but its common say in same countries to favour a certain sex child for reasons, again I cant relate too. Doesnt mean it's not a fact. Some Indian families have to pay doweries for example that may leave them in financial difficulties with girls. It doesnt have to be palatable to be true.

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 14/12/2021 17:35

I can't get worked up about this; it's never going to be commonplace as relatively few people will be able to afford to go this route, and there are always going to be countries that do not allow gender selection. So it's only going to ever be a tiny minority of people that do this, anyway.

I would imagine that many, many celebrities have had gender selection at some point.

GrimDamnFanjo · 14/12/2021 17:41

I've no issue on the grounds of health but disagree with sex selection.
There's a reason why many hospitals refuse to reveal the sex at scans.