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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I'm in love with a man I have known for a month - is this possible or AIBU?

143 replies

The4thThe5th · 13/12/2021 00:32

I met a guy on tinder on 15th November. We instantly clicked and began messaging back and forth like crazy. Met for the first time on 19th November and it just felt incredibly natural, as though we had been together forever. Since then we have both said that we have fallen in love and we are talking about living together, discussing spending our lives together. (No immediate plans to live together mind you, I'm not that crazy! But maybe by this time next year or a little later.) He makes me laugh so much, we get on so well, talk for an hour or more every night and the sex is amazing.

My AIBU is, am I crazy to feel this way? Can it be real? Has anyone had a relationship like this which has lasted the distance - or equally, have you had one that started like this but then reality hit? It all seems so wonderful but I feel as though there must be a catch somehow.

OP posts:
Graphista · 14/12/2021 01:45

@Rosiiiiie and many aren't!

And @LowlyTheWorm too you were LUCKY your dh turned out a good un NO WAY you knew he was a safe bet that quickly! Not for sure.

your situation was luck over judgement.

Exactly!

Op has a 2 YEAR OLD child to consider here

It's unfair and VERY irresponsible to mess with that child's sense of security, well-being and possibly even their safety SO early on (and I inc the nonsense of a jan 2023 move in date here)

Even if all that happens is op and the new fella breakup if that's after the child has come to know him and love him that's really unfair to put the child through that.

Given the horrific stories we are seeing more and more in the news of how step parents treat children SURELY single parents MUST learn to exercise a lot more caution!

Do you have dc?

5 dates is NOTHING the op barely knows this guy! It's insane to plan to move in just over a year from now!

As a pp said nice to daydream - but no more than that!

You have a child, you don't get the luxury of being this naïve.

This x million!

Re the military couples being mentioned they as the others who it worked out for were LUCKY but even more so than civvy couples the divorce and DA rates within military couples are INSANE!!

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 14/12/2021 01:50

It can't just be for sex as we have met up 5 times and only had sex twice

In a month of knowing him you've had sex twice already?! Each to their own but that's grim imho. Think of your 2 year old. You don't love him. You don't know him.

Saoirse82 · 14/12/2021 02:18

Me and DH has said I love you by 2 months and were kind of living together although I had my own place by then but I have lived with him unofficially since we were together 6 weeks. We moved in together officially 9 months after being together. He proposed after 2 years and were were married after 3. We're together 12 years now and I love him even more than I did back then. I think instinctively you know if someone is a good person or if there are any slight niggles but you lie to yourself that there aren't.
I'd met DHs family very early on, in fact it was my MIL who got us together in a way, his sister was already an acquaintance who quickly became a friend and I knew his friends by then so it was easy to build a picture of who he was as a person early on. Just enjoy it I say and you'll know in your heart if there are any red flags, just be honest with yourself.

Saoirse82 · 14/12/2021 02:24

Sorry I just read you've only met 5 times. I assumed you'd spent the last month in eachothers pockets. I think its too early to be in love after meeting 5 times. Tread carefully and don't rush into anything as you have a child to think about, there's no hurry, just enjoy getting to know him.

isthismylifenow · 14/12/2021 06:30

What are his living arrangements OP?

Does he have his own home or is he bunking in with friends/family.

You have a young child. Please take your time with this.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/12/2021 08:14

Life is short
Enjoy it
I hope it works out ! And if it doesn’t , your heart will heal
Be happy and I ignore the doom mongers

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/12/2021 08:16

you've had sex twice already?! Each to their own but that's grim imho. Think of your 2 year old

What ! Why can’t she fuck someone becasue because she has a child ?
Are women supposed to forget their sexual needs When they are Single ??

Hellyeahbaby · 14/12/2021 08:29

I was in same situation, met online. Fell head over heels, said I love yous probobly by week 3, planning life together.
11 years later and we r very happily married with a child.
We did wait 2 years to move in together though and child after 5 years.

I hope it all works out for you x

RedHot22 · 14/12/2021 08:36

It’s tricky because you have a DD.

However, I have 2 friends who began dating someone early 2020 and decided at lockdown to live together. Both couples are still together, one couple have just bought a house and the other are engaged and expecting a baby soon.

They moved in together without any long term expectations, but both relationships have worked out

Thwackit · 14/12/2021 10:20

The body does all kinds of wild things with chemicals that make you feel like this in the early stages. It’s a lovely feeling but there is absolutely no way strangers on Mumsnet can tell you if your particular relationship has the longevity to stand up to time once you start to get to know each other’s negative traits or hit a rough patch . Hopefully, you’ll find there’s nothing so bad that it undoes the good and that’s when you can buy your wedding dress Grin

madminimoomin · 14/12/2021 10:33

I met my husband online, felt the same after a month. Moved in together after 4 months. Together 8 years now, married 4 and have a 2 year old. We were both young, free and single, might not have moved so fast if either of us had child to think about!

Rainbowshit · 14/12/2021 11:00

As other have said the intensity and rapidity of it all is a massive red flag in itself. Talking about moving in together after only meeting 5 times?!?!

It's a different matter getting carried away with things like this when you are childless, but when you have a 2 year old you need to put them first.

if he really is "the one" then there's no need to rush, he'll still be there in a couple of years.

Original poster
The4thThe5th · 14/12/2021 23:10

Thanks everyone for your views, they have been really helpful. I am going to be cautious and stop making future plans, but continue seeing him (because he is lovely and we have a lot of fun together).

OP posts:
Darkpheonix · 15/12/2021 04:14

@The4thThe5th

Thanks everyone for your views, they have been really helpful. I am going to be cautious and stop making future plans, but continue seeing him (because he is lovely and we have a lot of fun together).
I think that's all you need to do. Be cautious. Stop making plans to move in, just see how it goes and enjoy it for what it is for now.
SocialConnection · 15/12/2021 11:58

You're not being unreasonable, you're in the first flush of attraction, excitement, connection. Which can all wear off. Nature wants us reproducing, hence the flood of hormones you're bathed in right now. Let it mature and see how it develops.

rainyskylight · 15/12/2021 13:08

I met a man in late August, by mid October we’d said our “I love you”s. 5 years later, married with a 1yo.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 15/12/2021 14:28

I'm still married to the one I knew I would marry after about date 4. I met him in 2005, we have been together ever since.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 15/12/2021 14:29

We didn't rush things though, I just "knew". We got married and moved in together 2 years later.

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