Page 2 | I think I'm in love with a man I have known for a month - is this possible or AIBU?

The4thThe5th · 2021-12-13T00:32:21+00:00

I met a guy on tinder on 15th November. We instantly clicked and began messaging back and forth like crazy. Met for the first time on 19th November and it just felt incredibly natural, as though we had been together forever. Since then we have both said that we have fallen in love and we are talking about living together, discussing spending our lives together. (No immediate plans to live together mind you, I'm not that crazy! But maybe by this time next year or a little later.) He makes me laugh so much, we get on so well, talk for an hour or more every night and the sex is amazing. My AIBU is, am I crazy to feel this way? Can it be real? Has anyone had a relationship like this which has lasted the distance - or equally, have you had one that started like this but then reality hit? It all seems so wonderful but I feel as though there must be a catch somehow.

AntiHop · 13/12/2021 01:03

This was me and my husband, best part of 20 years ago. We both felt we "knew" very quickly. We moved in together within a couple of months. My tenancy in my house share was coming up to the renewal date, so it made sense to move in together rather than renew my tenancy.

No regrets. But that doesn't mean it would work for everyone

Corbally · 13/12/2021 01:05

As a pp said, nearly all relationships are like that after a month. You’ve had relationships before. Presumably at some point you felt positive about your child’s father.

changenametopost · 13/12/2021 01:05

That's true, we do, but it really feels like more than that. Could you sustain a conversation every night for an hour with someone for whom your attraction was purely physical? I don't think I could

Yes you can
In fact a narcissist could tell you whatever you want to hear for a year + and a huge red flag is racing in U.K. relationship and becoming intense early

You have a 2 year old DD so this is the time to be cautious

I beg you to take your time

You owe it to your DD

Staffymumma · 13/12/2021 01:05

I mean, it can work sometimes absolutley.

Just be cautious, you said how could ge be putting on a front when you spend so much time together, then you said you’ve met him 5 times which is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

It can work, enjoy all of these lovely feelings, just be cautious☺️

changenametopost · 13/12/2021 01:06

"Racing into" not " racing U.K. "ugh auto incorrect does bizarre things just as I save !!

NameChange776543 · 13/12/2021 01:07

I don’t think an hour per night is a lot… with my boyfriend we’d talk for 4/5 hours every night for 16 weeks before we met

NameChange776543 · 13/12/2021 01:08

I think he could definitely hide his personality in that time

CharlotteRose90 · 13/12/2021 01:10

You are love bombing each other and it’s pretty sad. You’ve met 5 times it isn’t love sorry if anything it’s lust. Please take the slow road and look out for your child instead. Do not rush things.

ChubbyMorticia · 13/12/2021 01:13

We were married less than six months after we met.

19 years together now.

For some people, it works. For others, it would be a disaster.

changenametopost · 13/12/2021 01:14

As William said to Harry
What's the rush?

If you've no red flags now OP that super, you'll have no red flags in 2 years either and a Dd ent man will understand that you have a 2 year old DD and be more cautious than a single childfree woman will be

They say it takes 2 years to get up know someone. He can move near you and rent his own place
Then you can have a year long engagement at least...

I would never jump into anything , once I was a mum as it's no longer risks you don't care about

romdowa · 13/12/2021 01:17

You've a 2 year old daughter and you want to move in with a stranger you've just met? Seriously you need to give your head a wobble. Why would you put your daughter at risk like that? Stop thinking about yourself here and put your child first.

Original poster

The4thThe5th · 13/12/2021 01:20

@romdowa

You've a 2 year old daughter and you want to move in with a stranger you've just met? Seriously you need to give your head a wobble. Why would you put your daughter at risk like that? Stop thinking about yourself here and put your child first.

I didn't say I wanted to move in with him now..I am talking January 2023 at the earliest, if all goes well

OP posts:

HappyDays40 · 13/12/2021 01:21

Met in October moved in December. 10 years and one child and marriage later I'm still here.

Wagamamasforlunch · 13/12/2021 01:21

I fell in love at first sight once. We ended up in a relationship shortly after, moved in together after 3 months and the relationship completely crashed and burned two years after that. So yes, in my experience you can fall hard and fast but you don't really know him yet, it's still the honeymoon stage.

Wagamamasforlunch · 13/12/2021 01:21

Also if you have a two year old, is there a chance that this is a rebound relationship?

DukeofEarlGrey · 13/12/2021 01:24

I think this kind of thing can very easily go either way, as indicated by the mixed stories here. You should trust your instincts but I would personally also be interested in whether he shows the hallmarks of being a responsible adult (e.g. employed or trying to be, has decent relationships with family, friends and others in general, looks after himself, etc.) and is not a cocklodger. Regardless of anything else, your little girl of course comes first so you are right to be asking yourself these questions. I hope it works out for the best for you!

TheNamelessGirl · 13/12/2021 01:25

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

So how could he be showing me only what he wants me to see?

Some men find it easy.

They charm you, they love bomb you, they take up all your time so everyone else just slips away, then their real self comes out.

It happened to me, the intense and quick relationship you have, I got pregnant and we got married within a year, everything was fine, then the abuse started about 2 years in. WA said this is really common.

Hopefully your guy is amazing, but be cautious.

This. It's great to feel happy and excited OP. But you say you've only met him 5 times! You barely know him. Clearly you really like him so take the time to get to know him now. There is no need to rush away with crazy plans when you know next to nothing about him.

TheNamelessGirl · 13/12/2021 01:27

See, I have been in this situation before, but looking back there were red flags from the start. I just can't see any red flags here.

The very speed of it all and the intensity is a red flag.

Original poster

The4thThe5th · 13/12/2021 01:28

@DukeofEarlGrey

I think this kind of thing can very easily go either way, as indicated by the mixed stories here. You should trust your instincts but I would personally also be interested in whether he shows the hallmarks of being a responsible adult (e.g. employed or trying to be, has decent relationships with family, friends and others in general, looks after himself, etc.) and is not a cocklodger. Regardless of anything else, your little girl of course comes first so you are right to be asking yourself these questions. I hope it works out for the best for you!

All these things are true. He is employed in a good job, has a good relationship with his family, his flat is very nicely kept. He has paid for some stuff on our dates but has not insisted on paying for everything (which I would see as a red flag). Has said lovely things and sent me lovely messages etc but hasn't bombarded me with gifts or anything. He just seems like a nice, normal, respectful guy.

OP posts:

TheNamelessGirl · 13/12/2021 01:29

@The4thThe5th

He doesn't have kids. I have a little girl who is 2. This is why I am wanting to be cautious.

In this case you NEED to slow this right down. Be excited, enjoy time with him, get to know him. But you have a daughter, very small, and your primary responsibility is to her. You need to get to know this man for at least a year, as an absolute minimum, before considering introducing him to her. For her sake please take the time to be sure about all aspects of his personality before you disrupt her life with you. Just enjoy the great dates and have fun and see where it goes, without involving her.

Original poster

The4thThe5th · 13/12/2021 01:30

@TheNamelessGirl

See, I have been in this situation before, but looking back there were red flags from the start. I just can't see any red flags here.

The very speed of it all and the intensity is a red flag.

See, I think this is why I started the thread, because it does make me worry. But I don't know, it just feels right.

OP posts:

TheNamelessGirl · 13/12/2021 01:30

@AntiHop

This was me and my husband, best part of 20 years ago. We both felt we "knew" very quickly. We moved in together within a couple of months. My tenancy in my house share was coming up to the renewal date, so it made sense to move in together rather than renew my tenancy.

No regrets. But that doesn't mean it would work for everyone

So presumably no two year old who needs safeguarding?

TheNamelessGirl · 13/12/2021 01:34

•I didn't say I wanted to move in with him now..I am talking January 2023 at the earliest, if all goes well

OP, why are you even thinking about potential timeframes to move in with a man you have met only five times, with your small child?! This is completely mad and so risky. You are in the very early stages of dating. Rightly, obviously, he's not even met your DD yet and shouldn't do so for a long time. Why on Earth are you even thinking about the idea of living with a virtual stranger?

TerribleCustomerCervix · 13/12/2021 01:34

It’s one thing having a whirlwind relationship when you’re completely unattached, and another thing altogether when you’re a parent.

DH and I moved reasonably fast- moved in after six months, engaged after a year. I moved cities and jobs to be with him etc. but if it hadn’t worked out I could have extricated myself quickly and gone back to my own city with my tail between my legs and no real harm done.

With a kid? Worrying about the emotional upheaval of (another?) breakup, moving them out of their familiar surroundings, moving from their nursery or school, maybe with a new sibling thrown into the mix.

Also, you’ve met him FIVE TIMES. I have a box of crunchy nut cornflakes in my cupboard that I have encountered on more occasions than you’ve met this guy.

Wagamamasforlunch · 13/12/2021 01:37

See, I have been in this situation before, but looking back there were red flags from the start. I just can't see any red flags here.

Do you mean you've been in an abusive situation before?