Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To deny my partner his ‘man cave’?

120 replies

stunzeed · 12/12/2021 15:36

We are both 29, just bought our first property together, a 3 bed flat in London. We have a master bedroom, a spare room (bedroom 2) and then another double room (bedroom 3) which is currently a study/hobby room.

We both have tiring jobs, especially my partner. He’s also studying for a few very important postgrad exams over the next few years. He mainly uses bedroom 3 at the moment for his studies. I have no more postgrad exams.

He would quite like to revamp bedroom 3, change up the furniture and adjust the decor to his liking (but also mine of course, though I’d mainly be compromising).

It’s important to note that bedroom 3 is next to the master bedroom. So when/if we have a baby in the next 5 years, we will need to completely empty that room and repaint and redecorate it as a nursery. What’s the point in him decorating this room if we need to change it up soon?

Bedroom 2 is already set up as spare bedroom on the floor below. A baby cannot go there as the room is too far from the master. We cannot change bedroom 3 to a spare room as it’s a smaller double with no separate access to a bathroom (the master next door has an en-suite).

AIBU to deny his request for his ‘man cave’ to save us hassle in a few years?

OP posts:
insancerre · 12/12/2021 15:38

Yabu
Just let him have his man cave

RoseRedRoseBlue · 12/12/2021 15:39

5 years is hardly soon is it?

Suzanne999 · 12/12/2021 15:39

If changing to a nursery is 2+ years away, then go with the redecoration now; it’ll make him happy and redecorating isn’t too much of a problem.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 12/12/2021 15:40

You're over thinking it. Furniture can be moved easily enough in the future, right? Right now he needs a study space and you still have a spare room.

Babies don't care what colour paint is on the walls, when the time comes you just move all his crap out and put a cot in there. An hours work at most.

ChangeChingyChange · 12/12/2021 15:41

Wow YABU. You'd redecorate for a nursery regardless so what's the problem. Don't be tight. Also what if it takes you longer to fall pregnant etc? Lots of things could change. Let him have some man space. If you still feel strongly let him have the spare room (unless you regularly have people to stay over its kind of a wasted space anyway)

Youdoyoutoday · 12/12/2021 15:41

Controlling much?
I'm sure he's aware how things will change once and if you get pregnant!

Butchyrestingface · 12/12/2021 15:42

If money isn't an issue, I wouldn't stand in his way.

Congratulations on your new home.

galacticpixels · 12/12/2021 15:43

5 years is a good chunk of time so I don't see why he shouldn't use it for this purpose. Redecorating a room after 5 years sounds standard anyway.

Alternatively, if you don't really need a dedicated spare room, you could each have your own room for the next five years and just put sofa beds in them for guests.

shampooing · 12/12/2021 15:43

It's really not hard to redecorate a room, but if you want to you could keep the walls neutral.
How long do you think it would take to actually decorate a nursery, that you're not planning on using as a nursery for a long time? I wouldn't want a room as total man cave but if he's doing exams etc and using the room it also gives you space, or you use the other spare room to chill if you want. How often do you plan to have guests to stay?

Whatwouldscullydo · 12/12/2021 15:44

What's he want the room for?

I'd be worried it would make you all feel like room.mates not a couple.

Im all.for personal space and may as well.do something with the room.as it's not being used but if he's just gonna spend hours in their gaming and being anti social then that would not be great.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 12/12/2021 15:46

Are you getting a woman cave?

PurpleFlower1983 · 12/12/2021 15:46

YABU

Tee20x · 12/12/2021 15:46

So you won't let him decorate the room how he wants because you intend to plan for a baby in the next 5 years? FIVE YEARS.

You might as well just let him do what he wants now because when the baby comes he will never get the chance to unless you move again.

MrzClaus · 12/12/2021 15:48

YABU!

He's got to use it a lot for his postgraduate studies, there's no baby yet (5 years is a long time!!), why wouldn't you compromise and have it decorated in his tastes if he's using it more? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Babies sleep in their parents rooms for a while normally, so you've got years and years before it even potentially needs a redecoration!

Embracelife · 12/12/2021 15:50

If you get pregnant tomorrow
That s nine months plus six of baby in with you
Plenty time to re do

You cannot keep a baby shrine when you have no baby
Baby won't care about the furniture or decor anyway,

Blinkinname · 12/12/2021 15:53

Yabu. Massively. Not decorating a room because you might have a baby in five years? Honestly.

parietal · 12/12/2021 15:54

Let him have the room how he wants. If you start TTC in 5 yrs, it could still be a year or more before baby arrives.

5 yrs is a long time and all sorts of things could change. Use the space you both have now for your current needs and worry about baby if/ when it happens.

RandomLondoner · 12/12/2021 15:54

I don't see why a room to be used as a nursery needs to decorated or furnished as such. A baby will be fine wherever there's space for a cot. It won't care what colour the walls are. Decorating as a nursery is a pretty frivolous and unnecessary requirement, compared to decorating it for use as an office. However I think you should have half the room each, and you can do what you like with your half.

I assume there's a good reason why he'd rather be in this room than the other one.

zafferana · 12/12/2021 15:54

Let him do it. If you don't, he may well take over the living room for whatever it is he wants to do and if that room is going to be surplus to requirement until you have a baby, what's the harm?

Flowers500 · 12/12/2021 15:56

...what? He needs to work in a magnolia den for the next 5 years because you might have a baby in the future? You do know they come with a notice period?

Topseyt · 12/12/2021 15:56

I shudder to think what state our house would be in if DH didn't have his man cave (into which I rarely venture). He's allowed to make much more mess in there. He is a hoarder and the man cave does help keep it contained. He calls it his study, and he also uses it when working from home.

Let him have his man cave for now on the understanding that if/when a baby comes along the arrangement is reviewed and the man cave moves elsewhere.

Let

Haus1234 · 12/12/2021 15:57

It won’t save you hassle if you are going to do it when the baby time comes anyway? Unless you were planning to get all the baby stuff in there ready now?

bonfireheart · 12/12/2021 15:58

I never understand the logic of spare bedrooms unless you have someone who comes to stay at least once a month and even then, a room sitting empty whilst you live in one bedroom and squabble over another.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2021 15:59

Bloody hell, I'm all for planning you're talking about the next 5 years in which you may or may not have a baby.

Just let him get on with it!

JumperooSue · 12/12/2021 16:00

You’re massively overthinking this whole situation, as long as the room is decorated in a way you both agree, let him make use of it until you maybe have a baby in five years!

Plus- my baby sleeps on a separate floor, we only have two bedrooms, it’s what baby monitors are for.

Swipe left for the next trending thread