To deny my partner his ‘man cave’?

[stunzeed]

We are both 29, just bought our first property together, a 3 bed flat in London. We have a master bedroom, a spare room (bedroom 2) and then another double room (bedroom 3) which is currently a study/hobby room.

We both have tiring jobs, especially my partner. He’s also studying for a few very important postgrad exams over the next few years. He mainly uses bedroom 3 at the moment for his studies. I have no more postgrad exams.

He would quite like to revamp bedroom 3, change up the furniture and adjust the decor to his liking (but also mine of course, though I’d mainly be compromising).

It’s important to note that bedroom 3 is next to the master bedroom. So when/if we have a baby in the next 5 years, we will need to completely empty that room and repaint and redecorate it as a nursery. What’s the point in him decorating this room if we need to change it up soon?

Bedroom 2 is already set up as spare bedroom on the floor below. A baby cannot go there as the room is too far from the master. We cannot change bedroom 3 to a spare room as it’s a smaller double with no separate access to a bathroom (the master next door has an en-suite).

AIBU to deny his request for his ‘man cave’ to save us hassle in a few years?

@Cryingbutstilltrying

Dd slept in a glorious blue room next to a desk and the overflow wardrobe until she was 3. She didn’t care and actually loved being able to be involved in choosing colours for her room when she was older. She had a cot and her clothes in a unit, she played downstairs with me. Rooms need to be decorated around every 5 years anyway in my experience. Unless you don’t get any space of your own, that’s the only way this is unreasonable.

Ha, DS also spent about 6 months in a travel cot in the office before we finally got around to sorting out the bedrooms properly! He didn't have a clue.

OP, you're being hugely U. It's paint and a bit of furniture!

You’ll want to freshly decorate it when it becomes a nursery for your baby anyway, so it makes no different what he does now.

If you have a baby, keep it in your room for 6-9 months. Then move it to the other floor. Kids on a separate floor is brilliant

Do you get an equivalent? That would bother me more!

Yabu. Years is a long time.

Spare rooms kitted out for guests are pointless unless you have really regular visitors and even then you're basicwlly paying a bigger mortgage instead of their hotel bill.

And a nursery stands empty for 6 months for safe sleep and then usually you end up sleeping in their room half the time anyway.

Use your rooms!

Yeah that's nuts, 5 years is such a long time. We've been in our house for 4 years and have already decorated our spare room twice and my husband mainly uses it, it really isn't a big deal.

Let him have a man cave and you can have the other bedroom for your stuff if you want to. Having a spare room set up as a guest room all the time is a real waste of space, unless you have guests all the time.
If you ever move to a house, may I suggest a man shed. Around here,. the men all have sheds with little curtains at the windows.

We cannot change bedroom 3 to a spare room as it’s a smaller double with no separate access to a bathroom (the master next door has an en-suite)

Why not? Is there no bathroom other than the en suites?

Meh, a slap of emulsion and a furniture rejig in 5 years or so is hardly problematic.
However if this is a joint hobby room it should reflect your personality too. Are you setting up your quilting table/wfh desk/ sewing machine/gaming computer/whatever floats your boat in there as well, or are you only permitted in the neutral shared areas so he can hang out alone in a virtual world?
TBH if he's sticking a beer fridge, a poker/pool table and a juke box in there that you can both enjoy together and then he has his mates round once a fortnight then I'd be fine with it, as long as you get some use 12/14 days....

YABVVVU. And vvvv controlling. If your concern was about having your own room to work/study/create that'd be understandable. But you currently have two spare rooms. And you think you can dictate what he can do because of your plans in five fucking years time. What makes you believe that you are entitled to dictate what he can do in a house that he also owns? I'd suggest you split, sell the house and then buy yourself a little place where you can live the exact way you prefer without the obvious irritation of other people daring to have different ideas about their home. You don't own him. I hope he sees this thread and runs.

I'd definitely wouldn't leave the room empty it we're talking min. 5 years, BUT, I'd make sure that the room suits both of your needs. Maybe you'd like a desk yourself, or a make up table, or whatever your need is

YABU you have 2 spare bedrooms!!

Yabu. A lot can happen in 5 years.

I voted yanbu because why does he get a cave and not you? What room is yours, just for you alone, and he doesn’t come in/ get a day?

Say

You could each have one of the spare bedrooms as your “cave” but keep a double bed in each. Then you can take it in turns (strict turns mind) to give up your own cave for guests. This means both rooms need to be kept sanitary/ in a state where guests can use them.

So he wants to set up an office so he can study? That seems reasonable

Meh I couldn't get too worked up, it might do you a favour.

I'd let him go mad as long as he decorated and funded it himself and kept the wall colour something vaguelllly baby appropriate (ie not F&B railings or iphsis)

Ours was previously an office - We didn't decorate our "nursery to be" due to offgasing from the paint so have have nice mid apple green type colour to work with.

I just stuck up with some wall decals, free cycled some furniture and stuck the crib in - job done.

We moved house more often than that at your age. Give him a space of his own.