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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

738 replies

scottishlass43 · 12/12/2021 11:16

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

OP posts:
Carriemac · 13/12/2021 10:54

I'm relieved . She took a stupid risk and no matter how she frames it she didn't get the 'natural ' birth she wanted so she might as have had a safe elective section instead of an emergency one .

Alyosha · 13/12/2021 10:56

I had a home birth with my second in August. I was part of a home birth group on FB which was very useful; what surprised me was how many women wanted a home birth but decided on elective caesareans if labour hadn't started by 43 weeks. In fact it's the received wisdom in that group that inductions are horrible and you should go straight for an elective section.

AngelonTopoftheTree · 13/12/2021 11:04

Glad to hear mum and baby are doing well OP.

SafeMove · 13/12/2021 11:08

I was only 'allowed' to start being induced at 40+10 with DS1 (in 2003) because I cried at the consultant that I couldn't spend another day throwing up repeatedly (I had whole pg HG and was a skeleton with a beach ball up my jumper). They were will to 'leave me as long as necessary for a natural birth as I was young and could cope'. It seems the tide has turned on that policy jow thank goodness. DS was born at 40 +13 (induction took 3 days) and was a prune when he came out.

Hmmmwhatnametochoose · 13/12/2021 11:17

My DD was a footling breach and my consultant (who moved to Harley Street not long after - such was his reputation) told me in no uncertain terms that to try to deliver naturally would result in the death of both me and DD, even in a clinical setting

Its this sort of misogynistic patronising hyperbole that can contribute to a lack of trust in the medical profession and medical professionals.

EnrouteNOTonroute · 13/12/2021 11:21

Why are people so against inductions?

TheKeatingFive · 13/12/2021 11:23

The NCT line on inductions is that they are make it more likely to need further interventions.

We were encouraged to question the need for them if it came up.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/12/2021 11:24

@EnrouteNOTonroute

Why are people so against inductions?
Because they’re hideously painful and more likely to result in instrumental delivery or EMCS
OliviaBean · 13/12/2021 11:30

@EnrouteNOTonroute

Why are people so against inductions?
My experience is that an induction is about as unnatural as you can get in the name of having a natural birth. Extremely painful, likely to need an epidural, likely to give birth lying down which is unhelpful, likely to need instrumental assistance, oh and baby doesn't often like being forced out, so you will have a fluctuating heartbeat and trauma on both parents. None of this was explained to me on my first, none of it. It seems to be used so often. I get why, it's needed to deliver the baby but the process, risks etc should be clearly explained beforehand.
stalkersaga · 13/12/2021 11:31

@BlueJay12, the only thing a presence on Harley St says about a doctor is that he or she can pay a Harley St rent. Any old sawbones can set up there if they have cash. There's no competence test.

tootyfruitypickle · 13/12/2021 11:35

I hate this . I got to 40 weeks and the doctor told me to be induced. Thanks to the fucking nct indoctrination I refused. Luckily I had a good friend who talked sense into me. DD had pooed in the water so it could have been bad.

All I learnt at that group was to refuse intervention. One session with a nappy which means I couldn't remember how to do it, I had zero idea of how to look after a baby. Also tried to carry on bf even when it clearly was in nobody's interest until a health visitor sat me down and showed me some graphs that demonstrated the first month is what really matters, benefits drop off significantly after that period

Hate the nct !

user14943608381 · 13/12/2021 11:36

@EnrouteNOTonroute

Why are people so against inductions?
Midwives are pretty against them too, or at least paint them quite negatively.

I think the problem is they are too readily recommended by consultants and often against their own guidelines based on their opinions, old habits hard to break and all that.

So there is scare mongering and from my own experience the nature of induction is often obscured from the mum. For me no one told me the pessary would make me have one min long one min apart intense contractions from the beginning but with 0 progression, so I wasn’t prepared for that.

A lot of women are mistreated during them too, drip cracked up to max and baby goes into distress. With a bit more care from staff I think they could go a long way in making induction more comfortable to mum and baby

Iamnotminterested · 13/12/2021 11:50

Thank fuck mum and baby are well.

CurzonDax · 13/12/2021 11:56

Glad to hear that both mum and baby are okay, OP - thanks for the update :)

EnrouteNOTonroute · 13/12/2021 12:01

Maybe my perspective is different because I had to be induced to give birth to my stillborn daughter, which was extremely painful and traumatic for me (escalated at the end so I couldn’t get an epidural)

But I would happily have induced birth with no painkillers if only to get a healthy baby

That’s why when women are risking the health of their babies because they’re so hell bent on not being induced or not having a c section, I just find it hard to comprehend

lochmaree · 13/12/2021 12:12

Agree with this! I had an induction with my first, consultant said I "had to" and none of the risks were explained. had I known, I would have gone elective section. I had a hugely traumatic labour, failed forceps, emcs under general and sepsis. horrendous.

lochmaree · 13/12/2021 12:13

my reply was to @OliviaBean !

Namenic · 13/12/2021 12:14

I was hesitant with induction due to increased risk of instrumental delivery with increased risk of tears and complications. I was tending towards c section. But having discussed with obstetrics reg, I was ok to proceed as I didn’t want to risk going too far overdue and risk of complications was lower for me as I had previous normal spontaneous vaginal deliveries. It was interesting - pessary worked gradually until waters broke during examination. Then everything was v v quick - 3cm to 10cm in 1.5hrs and under 10mins pushing. I guess different women have different responsiveness to the hormones and I was lucky (no tears or complications). V personal decision though - and probably individual risk and outlook is important to consider.

For me risk of stillbirth was top of the things I wanted to avoid - so didn’t even consider waiting it out.

From what I’ve heard Nct is quite variable. I thought my course was well done - talking about all the different options. I was one of 4 healthcare workers who attended and I found it informative. I have heard other people really dislike the one they went on though - found it too ‘woo’ and not really enough evidence/facts.

MoonRiverLaLaLa · 13/12/2021 12:21

@EnrouteNOTonroute

Why are people so against inductions?
I read so many horror stories about inductions when I was pregnant, that I told my consultant that if the labour doesn't start on its own by 40 weeks, I want a C-section. (Got a C-section scheduled, but ended up with an emergency one before that because of rapid onset pre-ecclapmsia).

Knowing all that I know now about "natural births", I wouldn't even want to try it now.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 13/12/2021 12:21

If I had to have an induction again I think I would go for a c section instead. Now that I’ve experienced spontaneous labour and had a very pleasant birth, I truly understand the depth of the horror from my induction experience and I just couldn’t go through it again. Plus due to the induction I needed an epidural (which I didn’t the second time) and the anaesthetist was about 12 and fucked it so it didn’t work it just numbed one leg. Felt quite gaslit as no one bothered to acknowledge my pain and in fact the midwife wanted me to prove my contractions were really being felt by timing them on the fucking screen. Wonder why she had to numb me for the stitches if she thought it had worked. I was so pleased it was over and DS was healthy I said nothing at the time but 3 years later it still makes me angry.

I’m really rather anti induction unless the pain levels are properly explained.

honeylulu · 13/12/2021 12:22

Wonderful news they are both doing well. What a relief that she agreed to a c-section in the end.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 13/12/2021 12:24

Curious about size of the baby 4 weeks overdue!

5keletor · 13/12/2021 12:26

I'm glad they're both doing well!

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 13/12/2021 12:27

Glad but surprised to hear your update. Thank god she agreed to a c section finally.

itwasntaparty · 13/12/2021 12:29

I'm glad they're both well, how big was the baby?!

Bloody irresponsible thing to do IMO

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