Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

[scottishlass43]

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 oh I’m glad I didn’t read this whilst I was pregnant, that’s scary. What’s the movements then? Could you share a link?

Anecdotally after I had dd I still felt phantom kicks that if you’d be £1k on the table I’d have sworn were real, so there’s that possibility too!

I'm sure the hospital have explained things very clearly to your friend. This is the most extreme out of guideline request I have ever heard of. A footling breech at 44 weeks - the chance of serious complications is probably 100%

Who on earth is the midwife friend???

@Namechangetimes100

If you Google stillbirth baby moving there are so, so many links referencing it. From the NHS website to huff post articles. I’m currently pregnant but it’s actually very useful to know this information, which is part of why I posted.

I had no idea it was allowed to go over 42 weeks. Are you 100% firm on the dates? I pray this baby is OK.

Is MW your friend too? Batshit

I really hope mum an baby survive

[quote Hmumoftw0]@Tubs11 I also had a beautiful birth with my son but then haemorrhaged after delivery placenta, rushed to theatre and put to sleep, I don't know why people risk it then want sympathy when it all goes wrong[/quote]
Perhaps people "risk it" because of the shoddy care they or people they've known have received? I ended up with PTSD, crippling ppd and massive physical complications after my two sections- absolutely no "sympathy" given to me by anyone and was repeatedly told that I should just "be grateful". Third time around wild horses wouldn't have dragged me to birth in my local hospital. I'd have rather done my own section on my kitchen table first with a blunt knife and a paracetamol. For some women the "risk" isn't from birth... It's from the hospital.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 oh yeah it totally is, wasn’t having a pop, all the more reason to take every scan thrown at you !

I would say something. Some people are so obsessed with having a natural birth that they quite literally lose their rational minds.

@YetAnotherManicMonday1234

I’d say something. I’d rather loose the friendship than risk her loosing the baby.

She's right

@Teaandcakeordeath83 so what did you do third time round?

From someone who was neurotic about stillbirth when I was pregnant (after several early mcs and knowing my mum and friend had a stillbirth), this makes me shudder!

While I was admittedly ott and neurotic, being the opposite like how your friend is, is unbelievably dangerous, not to mention selfish. It sounds like the prospect that anything might go wrong hasn't even crossed her mind and that is a totally careless mentality if she is going to 44 weeks with no intervention. I would voice my concerns to her, and on this occasion, stillbirth should be mentioned. As others have said, how does she know her baby is ok? She doesn't, shebhas just assumed. Ignorant fool that she is!

If she is lucky that her baby is ok, she will have to ditch the 'everything is to be as perfect as she wants it' routine when baby is here as parenthood isn't like that. I think she needs a good shake on many counts

I pray for your friend that it works out, I hope she doesn't realise sense when it is too late, she will never forgive herself. At least if you voice your concerns in a direct way you at least tried. You can't do any more than that.

@4pmwinetimebebeh

I would say something. Some people are so obsessed with having a natural birth that they quite literally lose their rational minds.

I totally agree!

She is either mentally unwell or extremely selfish, putting her views above the health of her baby. If the former then she needs urgent help. If the latter she'd be no friend of mine. You should contact the midwife friend ASAP and suggest she's not of sound mind right now IMO.

CoastalWave

Sod the friendship. She needs telling straight.

What a ridiculously selfish woman. Doesn't bode well for being a great mother does it (putting her own selfish 'natural' desires' above getting out a healthy baby)

THE BABY WILL PROBABLY DIE/ Just god damn tell her. And I would be furious with her.“

If I’ve read your posts correctly, she has been equally irresponsible in terms of monitoring.

I’m sorry to put it like this but I can’t think of a subtle way. Does she know that she is carrying a living baby? Is she feeling movement?

I’m beyond belief that a professional midwife would encourage this dangerous situation.

My dad was born at 46 weeks at home. He was breech but the midwife managed to turn him.

My grandparents were very lucky - he came out fine, just very wrinkly and was whisked off straight away by the midwife to cut his great long fingernails

But that was over 80 years ago. I can't believe someone would take those risks now.

This cites the results of a Swedish study where they compared induction at 41 weeks to expectant management until 42 weeks. The study was halted as there were 6 stillbirths in the expectant management group vs none in the induction group.

www.rcog.org.uk/en/news/rcog-response-to-study-on-induction-of-labour-and-stillbirth-risk/

I can't believe someone would take those risks now.

I can. You get the odd poster on here looking for validation in declining inductions, or asking whether midwives ‘have to’ attend high risk home births etc. The birthing goddess insta movement has a lot to answer for.

[quote Glassofshloer]@Teaandcakeordeath83 so what did you do third time round?[/quote]
I had a home birth at 42 weeks after declining induction and a third section.

I'm sure I've read that they were evaluating offering induction to older mothers at 38 weeks as standard to improve outcomes for mothers and babies.

I was induced near 42 weeks twice and in both cases I'm certain I'd have ended up with a c section if I'd waited due to size of baby, placenta issues etc.

What a selfish woman. Tell her tonight. I would 100% risk my friendship by telling her. To think some people are so obsessed with the Instastory ‘perfect’ birth that they would risk theirs and the babies life is unbelievable. A birth resulting in a healthy mum and baby is the outcome she should be aiming for not a cool story to share on some weird Facebook group.

I pray mum and baby end up ok but even if they do, I’d be distancing myself from this woman. I couldn’t be friends with such a selfish and reckless person. I’d probably be too stressed about what other woo crap she’d pull on the poor baby next like fruitarianism.

@Teaandcakeordeath83

Gosh. That’s quite a risk to take after 2 caesareans. Why didn’t you just find a better hospital?

Jesus! Your friend is a fooking idiot.

She's risking her baby's health and her own!

Blimey, what a terrible situation. I guess it's her first baby??

All the indications are that this is now a very high risk birth and she's either totally ignorant to the dangers of her pregnancy (44 weeks, failing placenta, breech baby, presumably no birthing history to go on) or she's putting everything else a poor second in her desire to have a home birth.

Presumably, the midwife will be in a lot of trouble if it goes wrong. Has she thought if an ambulance will be available if needed given the situation with the hospitals at the moment?

I really hope that baby is going to be OK...

She's a fucking idiot and I Hope she doesn't come out of it with a dead or permanently disabled baby :(

Question is will she be fit to be a parent if she plays Russian roulette with her baby's life?