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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 16:03

This just proves the effectiveness of non-vaxxed restrictions

There are no restrictions which would make me have the vaccine. I suppose it depends on the reason the person didn’t have the vaccine in the first place. Obviously for OPs son, a concert is more important than his reasons for not wanting the vaccine.

TonTonMacoute · 11/12/2021 16:03

YANBU

Surely they want people to change their minds and get vaccinated? Giving a hard time to people who have changed their minds sounds utterly stupid and unhelpful.

Who cares what people's motives are? I got vaccinated mainly to protect myself, so what?

In any case many people are saying being vaccinated is obviously making no difference as it looks like we are going to be locked down again anyway.

We need to be giving people as much encouragement as possible.

Etinoxaurus · 11/12/2021 16:04

@XenoBitch a consequence of not being vaccinated is that people will think you’re selfish. Shrug, get over it.

LidlMiddleLover · 11/12/2021 16:04

They told him the truth and he couldn’t handle it boohoo!

supergloo · 11/12/2021 16:04

@TonTonMacoute

YANBU

Surely they want people to change their minds and get vaccinated? Giving a hard time to people who have changed their minds sounds utterly stupid and unhelpful.

Who cares what people's motives are? I got vaccinated mainly to protect myself, so what?

In any case many people are saying being vaccinated is obviously making no difference as it looks like we are going to be locked down again anyway.

We need to be giving people as much encouragement as possible.

This^
oneglassandpuzzled · 11/12/2021 16:05

XenoBitch, even less likely they'd say that. My husband and some friends are vaccinators in this category and their training is very strict on this point.

I volunteer at a centre as a non-vaccinator and would never say anything like this. We're told to be welcoming and kind to people.

RobinPenguins · 11/12/2021 16:06

I can sort of see the merit in asking why he hadn’t had it earlier in case it was a medical reason and something they needed to no about. But the comments afterwards are unacceptable. Who cares why someone has changed their mind, they should be welcomed once they have.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 16:06

[quote Etinoxaurus]@XenoBitch a consequence of not being vaccinated is that people will think you’re selfish. Shrug, get over it.[/quote]
And a consequence of that could be that someone decides to not have the vaccine after all because the person holding the needle could not keep private thoughts to their self.

sirfredfredgeorge · 11/12/2021 16:06

"Why didn't lose weight sooner?"

"Why did you start smoking, we've known since the 30's?"

"Could you not just have gone for a jog?"

SpindlesAdventWhirl · 11/12/2021 16:07

Aye right Confused of course vaccinators are saying this.

RobinPenguins · 11/12/2021 16:07

Who cares what people's motives are? I got vaccinated mainly to protect myself, so what?

For all the guff about “the greater good” I think the vast majority got it done to protect themselves and make their life easier. That was my main motivation.

Lussekatt · 11/12/2021 16:08

As others have already pointed out, they weren't wrong and the truth hurts. However, they should have kept quiet. We don't need these anti-vax shits to have another reason not to do it.

supergloo · 11/12/2021 16:08

You think that's bad, when I had my booster, the clinic was completely visible to the waiting room. I had to take my whole top off over my shoulder for mine. The vaccinator's mate opened the door while I was having mine and I didnt realise and turned around to put my top back on. I was so glad I had my good bra on!

SunshineCake1 · 11/12/2021 16:09

I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

Do you realise how patronising that sounds?

They are right. He wouldn't do it for the greater good but will now he wants something in return.

Healthy and young people have died of covid. He's an idiot.

LuluBlakey1 · 11/12/2021 16:11

I don't think it is any Dr or nurse or other HCP's job to just do as suits a patient. It is to speak the truth about our health choices so we can make better-informed choices that will improve health- ours or other peoples.
That is what they did.
Condoms don't just prevent pregnancy, they prevent transmission of disease between the two people having sex.
Use of drugs intravenously is dangerous to however many people share a needle.
The HPV vaccine protects girls against developing cervical cancer and boys against catching and potentially spreading the virus.
If you smoke in a house you affect anyone rlse with the effects of secondary smoking.
Many health choices are not just about you. I think patients who make bad choices should be challenged by Drs/nurses/other HCPs about the effect of those choices on themselves and/or other people.

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/12/2021 16:12

@RobinPenguins

Who cares what people's motives are? I got vaccinated mainly to protect myself, so what?

For all the guff about “the greater good” I think the vast majority got it done to protect themselves and make their life easier. That was my main motivation.

Exactly. Loads of people got the vaccine for reasons predominantly to do with their own health.

When I get offered the booster, if someone were to say to me “why are you having the booster” my answer would be “I’m in my second trimester and keen to be as protected as possible come my third trimester due to the dangers of covid in pregnancy.” It that hideously selfish of me to focus on the benefit for me and not wider society? That’s been the basis of most people’s medical decisions their whole lives.

OhWhyNot · 11/12/2021 16:12

Because we are fed up like everyone else

Because we have just had to get with working and people making the choice not to vaccinate to help society move forward is making our working life harder

Because we can’t provide the service that we would be able to if more people were vaccinated

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 16:12

@animood I don't think you read my post. I'm quite happy to say myself he's selfish, and I've said it to him. My AIBU wasnt as to whether he was selfish, but whether the clinic should have said that to him.

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 16:14

Many health choices are not just about you. I think patients who make bad choices should be challenged by Drs/nurses/other HCPs about the effect of those choices on themselves and/or other people.

But not when they’ve actually turned up to have the vaccine.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 16:14

Many health choices are not just about you. I think patients who make bad choices should be challenged by Drs/nurses/other HCPs about the effect of those choices on themselves and/or other people

OP's son was already there to have the vaccine. What good is there to tell him he was selfish for leaving it so long? Is that a constructive thing to say? He can't go back in time and have it earlier. So what is the point in shaming him?
The next person they shame might roll their sleeve down and not come back.

AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 16:14

I disagree with your son's opinion and I disagree with the vaccinator for shaming him for it... especially when he's gone in to get his jab. Ver unprofessional. This is not going to encourage people to come forward to get jabbed

RobinPenguins · 11/12/2021 16:15

Many health choices are not just about you. I think patients who make bad choices should be challenged by Drs/nurses/other HCPs about the effect of those choices on themselves and/or other people.

At the point at which they are making a good choice? Someone goes into a slimming world clinic should have a lecture about what a selfish fat fuck they are for being such a drain on the NHS? Someone who goes to a smoking cessation clinic for help should get a lecture about what a douchebag they are for smoking up to this point?

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/12/2021 16:15

@LuluBlakey1

I don't think it is any Dr or nurse or other HCP's job to just do as suits a patient. It is to speak the truth about our health choices so we can make better-informed choices that will improve health- ours or other peoples. That is what they did. Condoms don't just prevent pregnancy, they prevent transmission of disease between the two people having sex. Use of drugs intravenously is dangerous to however many people share a needle. The HPV vaccine protects girls against developing cervical cancer and boys against catching and potentially spreading the virus. If you smoke in a house you affect anyone rlse with the effects of secondary smoking. Many health choices are not just about you. I think patients who make bad choices should be challenged by Drs/nurses/other HCPs about the effect of those choices on themselves and/or other people.
I’d be inclined to agree with you, except the comment was made while he was having his vaccine. So he’d made the good decision. He’d made it late, but he had made it.

That’s different to needing to talk to a patient in very clear terms about the consequences of their behaviour.

EricCartmansUnderpants · 11/12/2021 16:15

But not when they’ve actually turned up to have the vaccine.*

Yep. Bit pathetic really.

Malibuismysecrethome · 11/12/2021 16:20

You know whatever your views it is still up to the individual whether to get vaccinated or not. We do not yet live in a dictatorship but should be in a democracy.

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