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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 11/12/2021 15:42

They were right, he was selfish , and ignorant to think vaccines protect the most vulnerable . For the most vulnerable they are not as affective.

MadeOfStarStuff · 11/12/2021 15:44

They shouldn’t have said it however people who make stupid, selfish choices shouldn’t be surprised that other people find them selfish and stupid.

Prinnny · 11/12/2021 15:44

@3cats4poniesandababy

All those saying it is acceptable would you find it acceptable for judgemental comment to be passed on someone obese needing knee replacements, on someone with diabetes due to their diet, someone who refused to go to a care home or have carers in so ends up back in hospital (I am nit talking about those who want it but can't get ut I mean those who refuse help)

All are also strains in the NHS.....

Of course it’s acceptable.

My friends needs knee replacements but she’s too fat and needs to lose weight before they’ll add her to the waiting list, the surgeon told her that, no sugar coating.

As a HCP I have to question and advice patients on their lifestyle choices, even if it’s not related to their current presentation. No one wants to hear they drink too much or need to lose weight but health promotion is a hot topic currently as it helps save the NHS £££

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 15:45

He should have told them to keep their opinions to themselves. I’d have just have ignored them and thought they were a twat as they clearly were.

And people can pretend they’re getting their vaccine for the greater good etc, but people are doing it to get on with their own lives. If they’re so selfless, why don’t we have more people helping others in different ways, giving more to charity, volunteering, giving blood, helping at food banks, even just being kind to others would be a start.

C152 · 11/12/2021 15:46

YANBU. They were completely unprofessional. And that attitude is hardly going to encourage people who are wavering to come back for a second jab, is it?

CalamariGames · 11/12/2021 15:48

This will just put him off having any future vaccination and I agree a lot of people got the vaccine for "selfish" reasons of not wanting to get sick and die rather than simply for the good of society.

supergloo · 11/12/2021 15:50

Totally inappropriate and not seeing the wood for the trees. Instead of telling him off, they should take stock of the fact that he was there NOW . Totally uncalled for. I am a HCP.

twelly · 11/12/2021 15:50

If we accept that the someone can pass judgment then perhaps next time someone accessed health care they can be told that they are selfish because they accessing healthcare because they are overweight, smoke or drink. Perhaps they could also give their opinions on how they voted if they disagreed, perhaps the school secretary could tell parents they some of their actions are wrong. My point is that in those roles people should not be judgemental - it was unprofessional and this approach does not help anyone.

People might or might not have believe someone should have had their jab earlier - they might well express views in the their private life but not in the work place

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 15:50

Also OP, if you do want people to get vaccinated, then it probably wasn’t the best idea to post this as it may put others off having their vaccine if they’ve been hesitant to up until now but are thinking of having it. Hmm

Vursayles · 11/12/2021 15:52

“Longingforatikihut

We're not fed up. We're burnt out. A burn out which could have been at least lessened if people like your son had been less selfish. Maybe they should have held their tongue, but after you're as beaten as we are, you just give up. He didn't care about hcp or those at risk, so why are we expected to care about his wee little selfish feelings.“

If you’re that burnt out, you take sick leave. You do not verbally harass patients attending to be vaccinated. If you’re so emotionally drained and overwhelmed that you cannot control what you say to patients you aren’t fit to be at work.

Nobody attending to be vaccinated should be met with attitudes like that described in the OP. There just isn’t any excuse. Shame, judgement, snide comments, marginalisation - how is this going to encourage people to get vaccinated exactly?

supergloo · 11/12/2021 15:52

It's like shouting "fatty" at an overweight person at the gym. Stupid.

Draggondragon · 11/12/2021 15:53

I agree with their comment. Selfish. We are not sheep, we are the normal humans

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 15:54

Posted too soon.

When my partner had his second booster there was someone older than him having her first. Apparently she was feeling bad for not having it sooner and the vaccinator was lovely to her and just said it was good that she was having it now. I would imagine most vaccinators would be more like this so as not to put people off coming back for their second and third doses.

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/12/2021 15:54

I agree with you OP.

It’s one thing a HCP using maybe blunt (realistic) language about the person’s future health as an attempt to persuade someone of something eg to stop smoking. But your son was there, he’d made that decision, so additional commentary wasn’t necessary. What benefit is it having beyond just having a go at someone.

whitewashing · 11/12/2021 15:55

@GreenLunchBox

If I were him I would have walked out
But he couldn’t have gone to any concerts then could he? He wasn’t THAT ‘fuming!’
TractorAndHeadphones · 11/12/2021 15:57

They shouldn’t have said it but they’re right.
This just proves the effectiveness of non-vaxxed restrictions

Stompythedinosaur · 11/12/2021 15:57

It probably wasn't ideal.

But I'm fully cheesed off by being put in danger to care for selfish buggers who should have just done the decent thing and got the vaccine.

supergloo · 11/12/2021 15:59

The thing is, despite it obviously being the right thing to do, vaccination isn't compulsory so they have no right to comment. Ultimately, he had the right to choose.

Abitofalark · 11/12/2021 16:00

I can understand his original reasoning and it makes sense. So I wouldn't call that selfish, actually. If he goes for a vaccination because he wants to visit someone abroad that's a reasonable position too. (As a pro-vaccine person I have had the three jabs but I recognise that there are other valid reasons and positions people can hold.)

The vaccinators were a bit rude and presumptuous in speaking to your son in the way they did. If he goes again, he might consider saying that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks rather than mentioning anything else. They'll probably pipe down then.

Etinoxaurus · 11/12/2021 16:00

How old is he?
It’s an important part of being a grown up, isn’t it? Owning your behaviour, dealing with the consequences and being ok with it.

KittenCatcher · 11/12/2021 16:00

Why did he give that answer, if they did ask him he could have just said personal reasons. Maybe his answer sounded a bit cocky.

NandorTheRelentless · 11/12/2021 16:01

@madisonbridges

I agree with the vaccinator. He wasn't bothered when his refusal could have hurt others, but it became very important when he couldn't get into a concert! I'm glad they said it. In fact I think the opposite to you and believe that HCPs should be more direct with peoole. I'm very overweight and it's affecting different parts of my health and no one has ever said that I need to lose weight. They're all too scared about not being touchy freely enough.
this - fuck everyone else until I can't do something for fun He wasn't bothered when his refusal could have hurt others, but it became very important when he couldn't get into a concert! I'm glad they said it.
MinnieGirl · 11/12/2021 16:02

@anniegun

They were right. The healthcare professionals are getting pretty fed up with dealing with the consequences of people not getting vaccinated
Exactly that.

It might not have been a totally professional comment, but healthcare workers have died while looking after idiots like your son who couldn’t be bothered to get a vaccine. And now he wants to go clubbing or on holiday he will have his jab thank you very much.

Can’t blame them for being a bit hacked off, and to come home fuming…. What did he expect?!

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 16:02

@Etinoxaurus

How old is he? It’s an important part of being a grown up, isn’t it? Owning your behaviour, dealing with the consequences and being ok with it.
A consequence of being late to get vaccinated is not to be shamed.
Etinoxaurus · 11/12/2021 16:02

@Abitofalark

I can understand his original reasoning and it makes sense. So I wouldn't call that selfish, actually. If he goes for a vaccination because he wants to visit someone abroad that's a reasonable position too. (As a pro-vaccine person I have had the three jabs but I recognise that there are other valid reasons and positions people can hold.)

The vaccinators were a bit rude and presumptuous in speaking to your son in the way they did. If he goes again, he might consider saying that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks rather than mentioning anything else. They'll probably pipe down then.

Revolting advice. Advise your child to weaponise his MH for an easy life.