Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
Animood · 11/12/2021 15:15

I agree with the vaccinator - your son is completely and utterly selfish. Sorry, I know he is your son and it's not what you want to hear but it's true.

However, there was no point in voicing that opinion to him - he was there getting his jab. The professional saying that could put him off getting his second jab and booster.

I can only assume they were having a bad day...

Heronwatcher · 11/12/2021 15:16

His “rationale” is a bit selfish though, unless he was totally isolating. Did he not think about passing it on to other people? Plus there is probably only so much of this utter nonsense Facebook self-aggrandising rationale that even the most saintly healthcare professional can take.

Ariann · 11/12/2021 15:27

I have a relative who had the same experience.

They need to stop doing that and just give the injections. If someone has turned up, don't alienate them or castigate them!

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 15:28

YANBU... the staff should have kept such judgements to them selves. Like a few other people have said, I would have turned round and walked out if they were showing attitude like they did to your son.
I am not vaccinated, and if I do by some miracle get to a centre, shaming like this would 100% undo all the work I would have done to get there.
People getting their dose now should be congratulated, not shamed.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 15:29

*getting their first dose

twelly · 11/12/2021 15:29

It is his personal choice and I agree with the OP the staff it is not the place of those at the vaccination centre to offer their opinion. They are of course entitled to their opinion but they have no right to express it to someone who is presenting to vaccinate at a centre

shouldistop · 11/12/2021 15:29

It's hardly going to encourage people to be vaccinated if they treat people like that. He was getting his vaccination and that's great. They shouldn't have commented.

Vursayles · 11/12/2021 15:31

I agree with them but you’re right in that they should never have spoken to your son that way. What purpose would it serve, other than making him feel angry, embarrassed, and ashamed? It could have led to him simply walking out. I’m an HCP and would never express such judgement towards any patient. It’s highly unprofessional. Your son was there to get vaccinated which is a good thing, motivation aside.

PeachesPumpkin · 11/12/2021 15:31

Health care staff are at the end of their tethers. It’s not surprising they sometimes snap.

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 11/12/2021 15:31

Perhaps everyone else just had jabs to benefit everyone else and not themselves! Course you all did.

Shame has no place in health-care, it deters people from coming forward for treatment, or makes them go away and not come back. How stupid and shortsighted.

I can see lots on here would be terrible at caring for others, because their main desire is to shame, not to understand and then help. It's quite an unpleasant thread to read.

Tal45 · 11/12/2021 15:32

It's the truth but we want people to get vaccinated and this sort of story could put others off getting their jab if they hear it and could put him off getting his second. We really need to support people when they make the right choice whatever the reason.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 15:33

@PeachesPumpkin

Health care staff are at the end of their tethers. It’s not surprising they sometimes snap.
They could well have been non-HCPs who have been trained up as volunteer vaccinator.
NoSquirrels · 11/12/2021 15:33

@anniegun

They were right. The healthcare professionals are getting pretty fed up with dealing with the consequences of people not getting vaccinated
But he was there to GET his jab. What’s the sense in berating him when he’s now doing the “right” thing?
Baileyscheesecake · 11/12/2021 15:33

Totally unprofessional of them Angry

LostForIdeas · 11/12/2021 15:34

If said HCP wanted other people who are unvaccinated to come round, they would be better bugging up what he did and his change of mind whilst celebrating that one more person is vaccinated. They’ve been counter productive there.

Plus being non judgemental is part of their job description. If they want to rant, they can do it in private

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 11/12/2021 15:34

"The person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business?"

We ask because there could be a reason they haven't presented for their vaccination already - 1 reason could be anxiety. Therefore if we find out, we can then spend extra time with them talking about it and trying to alleviate the patients anxieties. It absolutely is the vaccinators business. They are healthcare professionals and aren't asking to be nosy.

Longingforatikihut · 11/12/2021 15:34

We're not fed up. We're burnt out. A burn out which could have been at least lessened if people like your son had been less selfish. Maybe they should have held their tongue, but after you're as beaten as we are, you just give up. He didn't care about hcp or those at risk, so why are we expected to care about his wee little selfish feelings.

LostForIdeas · 11/12/2021 15:37

@Heronwatcher

His “rationale” is a bit selfish though, unless he was totally isolating. Did he not think about passing it on to other people? Plus there is probably only so much of this utter nonsense Facebook self-aggrandising rationale that even the most saintly healthcare professional can take.
Why everyone has had the vaccine JUST to protect others?

That’s news to me.
People gut the vaccine because they were afraid and wanted some protection.
Some got it just to be a let to travel. I did.

But I very much doubt anyone did it ‘just to protect others’. People are selfish.

multiplemum3 · 11/12/2021 15:38

Myself, and so many previous colleagues, have left the NHS from burn out. I wouldn't bite my tongue from selfish people either

Mrsherdwick · 11/12/2021 15:38

@AwaAnBileYerHeid was going to say exactly that.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 15:40

@multiplemum3

Myself, and so many previous colleagues, have left the NHS from burn out. I wouldn't bite my tongue from selfish people either
Surely it would be better to bite your tongue rather than risk the person presenting for the vaccine getting up and walking out without having it done?
LostForIdeas · 11/12/2021 15:40

@Longingforatikihut

We're not fed up. We're burnt out. A burn out which could have been at least lessened if people like your son had been less selfish. Maybe they should have held their tongue, but after you're as beaten as we are, you just give up. He didn't care about hcp or those at risk, so why are we expected to care about his wee little selfish feelings.
How was it being selfish if that person has never got covid and therefore 1- never transmitted covid to anyone else 2- never used the NHS because they were ill??

Why not having a go at people who are still having Christmas parties now that cases are exploding again? Who are at the pub etc…? You know all those actions that are just as reckless.

PinkDaffodil2 · 11/12/2021 15:42

Well they’re not wrong but I understand it’s not a helpful thing to say. Bear in mind through lots of those working at the vaccination sites aren’t health care professionals and are volunteers so it’s not like his GP has said it.

EllaVaNight · 11/12/2021 15:42

Many, possibly most, people have had the vaccine for selfish reasons. Either they don't want to become ill or die from covid or they want to return to normal life or they want to be able to do things.

Health care professionals shouldn't be speaking to people like that. I'd never speak to a resident (care home) like that and expect disciplinary action if I did.

He should make a complaint imo.

LostForIdeas · 11/12/2021 15:42

@multiplemum3

Myself, and so many previous colleagues, have left the NHS from burn out. I wouldn't bite my tongue from selfish people either
You’re nit NHS anymore. You can say whatever you want.

As a HCP in front of a patient, this is not acceptable. ESPECIALLY when that person has actually changed their mind and is coming to be vaccinated.
The only thing that might happen is that they go away refusing to do it. Or wont have the second dose. How is that going to help any of the colleagues still working in the NHS??