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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 11/12/2021 15:03

He could though. Very easy to show a negative lateral flow test.

Iamkmackered1979 · 11/12/2021 15:03

I think as long as he gets his jab then fine. I as a hcp wouldn’t have an opinion on that whilst he was there getting the jab. I think whatever motivation you have just get the flipping thing. I’m not paid to judge people I’m paid to carry out healthcare to the best of my ability

gsaoej · 11/12/2021 15:04

errrr WTF

My dd got pfizer when they very first started vaccinating 12-15s in September.

Weeks later in October, she brought covid home from school and gave it to me and DH.

Her pfizer vaccine protected HER as she was not ill - tiny sniffle. It did not stop her transmitting it to me and dh.

We have got to stop this vaccine shaming and segregation.

GreenWhiteViolet · 11/12/2021 15:04

YANBU. What did they want? He can't go back in time and get the vaccine earlier. And if the goal is for more people to be vaccinated, who cares whether their motivations are selfish or not?

I suffered with anxiety in my early twenties and once had some shaming comments from a HCP about an issue that I'd neglected but was seeking help for. Maybe some people would have ignored the comments, or thought 'fair enough, they're right'. In my somewhat fragile mental state, I didn't go back. Counterproductive.

GreenLunchBox · 11/12/2021 15:05

If I were him I would have walked out

Chasingaftermidnight · 11/12/2021 15:06

I’m very surprised an HCP said that.

3cats4poniesandababy · 11/12/2021 15:06

All those saying it is acceptable would you find it acceptable for judgemental comment to be passed on someone obese needing knee replacements, on someone with diabetes due to their diet, someone who refused to go to a care home or have carers in so ends up back in hospital (I am nit talking about those who want it but can't get ut I mean those who refuse help)

All are also strains in the NHS.....

kowari · 11/12/2021 15:07

They can think what they want but it was extremely unprofessional and possibly counterproductive to have said what they think. Were they asking people six months ago if they wanted the jab to protect the vulnerable or for selfish reasons? I would have simply walked out.

peboh · 11/12/2021 15:08

I got jabbed for selfish reasons. I did it so that life could get back to normal quicker (or so we were told 🙄) and I could continue living the life I want and enjoy it.
Most people who have been vaccinated have also done so for selfish reasons.
Just because that may be so doesn't give anybody, including health professions, the right to voice that opinion when he doing as they recommend. Bang out of order, and just a way to discourage those that are still unsure on the vaccines.

Snugglepumpkin · 11/12/2021 15:08

Shaming people is appalling & will put off others who haven't yet chosen to have vaccinations for whatever their personal reasons.

This holier than thou attitude of implying that everyone who had the vaccine already did it purely for altruistic reasons is utter bollocks too.

Plenty of people had it as soon as they could for purely selfish reasons - did they all get castigated?

RedRobin100 · 11/12/2021 15:08

None of their business at all when or why he gets vaccinated.
Out of order commenting to him like that. By right he should’ve said none of your business

Tivermeshimbers1 · 11/12/2021 15:08

Why are anxiety and panic attacks always mentioned on here? He’s not too anxious when flying off on holiday or attending concerts Hmm

He was being selfish. In fact here’s the definition of selfish...

“(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.”

He’s annoyed someone pointed out the obvious.

Tabbacus · 11/12/2021 15:09

They sound like arses, it's great he has now had it and the reasons behind it shouldn't matter really. Appreciate that overall it's useful to get input from people who have refused it to try and see why and what could help (ie many said that it was hard to get to the mass vaccination sites but would have had one locally etc), but not in this situation. Not that it's acceptable but some are volunteers so thankfully might not be unleashed on people regularly as healthcare personnel

EricCartmansUnderpants · 11/12/2021 15:10

It's none of the hcps business.

Finknottlesnewt · 11/12/2021 15:10

God forbid people tell the actual truth.

Did he not think about his much higher likelihood of transmission (and to a vulnerable person the higher chance of possibly killing them ) when he refused earlier ? No he didn't.

Has he now changed his mind entirely for the benefits it will hold to his social life ? Yes he did.

And yet .. that can't be said ? Why ? Because his embarrassed to be so selfish ? Nope . I say call a spade a spade. An unvaccinated person put me in hospital with Covid . Where were MY right when they made that decision. ?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 11/12/2021 15:10

I'll take things that didn't happen for $500 please.

Kshhuxnxk · 11/12/2021 15:10

That's disgraceful- they're paid to do a job- their opinion is not required not wanted.

kowari · 11/12/2021 15:10

We have got to stop this vaccine shaming and segregation.
I agree. If only people would turn off the TV, and stop reading newspapers that promote shaming and hate.

MurielSpriggs · 11/12/2021 15:11

None of their fucking business, and only likely to discourage anxious people from getting vaccinated.

Lou98 · 11/12/2021 15:11

It doesn't matter if they're fed up of unvaccinated people or not - they should not be making comments like that, it's extremely unprofessional.

There are many in your sons position who would have left without having it after comments like that - surely the goal is to vaccinate as many as possible, not put people off who are having it (regardless of their reasons why)

Sounds like they're in the wrong line of work if they can't hold their tongue

EricCartmansUnderpants · 11/12/2021 15:12

An unvaccinated person put me in hospital with Covid

Did you not have the vaccine yourself?

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 15:14

I agree he's selfish, and have told him so. My point is that I don't think people at the clinic should criticise.

I got my vaccine for partly selfish reasons as well - so that we could get back to normality ASAP, as well as to prevent deaths. But no one asked me for my motives.

My AIBU wasn't about whether ds is selfish but whether the HCP should have told him he was. Theres a difference.

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 11/12/2021 15:15

They were wrong. They should have kept their shitty comments and attitudes to themselves. It’s no one’s business why someone isn’t getting it until now.

I’m sure everyone, if they were actually honest with themselves, got it for selfish reasons, such as looking after number 1!!

peboh · 11/12/2021 15:15

@Finknottlesnewt

God forbid people tell the actual truth.

Did he not think about his much higher likelihood of transmission (and to a vulnerable person the higher chance of possibly killing them ) when he refused earlier ? No he didn't.

Has he now changed his mind entirely for the benefits it will hold to his social life ? Yes he did.

And yet .. that can't be said ? Why ? Because his embarrassed to be so selfish ? Nope . I say call a spade a spade. An unvaccinated person put me in hospital with Covid . Where were MY right when they made that decision. ?

Surely they should have never asked the question? There are several reasons why someone may have had to get their vaccine at a later date. I'm getting beyond tired of shaming people who haven't had it. My DH can't have it due to an illness he's currently recovering from, as it could cause him to have a set back. Yet people have already judged him on not having the vax, without for one second considering that a)it's none of their business and b) he genuinely can't. It isn't the business of anybody else what people choose to do to their body, for health reasons, mental reasons or other.
kowari · 11/12/2021 15:15

Why are anxiety and panic attacks always mentioned on here? He’s not too anxious when flying off on holiday or attending concerts
Do you not understand anxiety at all? People can have anxiety triggered by different things. Some people can't handle crowded events like concerts, some have health anxiety.