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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 12/12/2021 10:08

ancientgran and PinkSparklyPussyCat

There seems to be a real lack of understanding of what phobias are like to live with. I don’t have any severe phobias now but I have in the past. Looking back now it seems ridiculous, but at the time it affected my life a lot. I would actually feel quite embarrassed to say what my phobia was and the things it made me do and avoid. I’d like to think that even without that experience, I would still be understanding of others. You only have to read people’s accounts of their phobias to feel a huge amount of sympathy for them. I think most people would realise that someone saying they’d use an extra thick needle as some sort of punishment for not having the vaccine sooner, could be very unsettling for a needle phobic person to read. People seem to forget there are real people with worries and feelings behind these posts.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/12/2021 10:09

Which is pretty much my view as well.

OP posts:
fuddleducks · 12/12/2021 10:11

Very unprofessional and they should absolutely not have said it.

It's quite possible that the person registering him was a volunteer not a professional though and may not have been trained in/ had an understanding of the appropriate way to communicate.

FOJN · 12/12/2021 10:13

It's seems unlikely that two people would comment on your son's vaccination status but even if it was just one it's unacceptable and to be honest they missed an opportunity to provide a positive experience which may have resulted in your son encouraging others to get vaccinated.

It's interesting that some people think it was OK for the staff/volunteers to comment on your son's motives for getting his vaccine and it suggests that it's a moral rather than medical issue for some people. Who cares why he went for his vaccine, it may have been a bit late but he's had it, surely that is the most important thing.

Let's hope he's not put off going for his second vaccine.

The3Ls · 12/12/2021 10:14

As a health care professional I'm always dealing with people who have done frustrating things to get their selves into health pickles. But shame will help no one! Them being later to vaccinate is no different. Yep 100 percent mouth off to colleagues and family about ridiculous anti vaxers but that's where you let off steam not at the patient!

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 12/12/2021 10:16

We’re all sick to death of this pandemic and everyone is losing patience with those who refuse to help mitigate it. Whether that’s those who refuse to vaccinate, refuse to wear masks, refuse to distance. Those people who say “it doesn’t work so why should I…”

Of course it doesn’t work if a great chunk of society doesn’t take responsibility. If I were a healthcare worker despairing and hoping to treat regular patients under normal circumstances, I’d have trouble keeping my mouth shut when faced with someone actively undermining the rest of society’s efforts.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/12/2021 10:17

@FOJN the first person didn't offer a view, they only asked why DS hadn't been vaccinated earlier (presumably to check if it was medically contra indicated) and accepted DSs answer which was basically that he hadn't wanted to. It was the vaccinator who pushed him on why he'd changed his mind, and then called him selfish. Which I think isn't great even if its also my view.

OP posts:
IncessantNameChanger · 12/12/2021 10:19

Why does it matter if he is selfish? He has gone so who cares why?

If this is ok then let's

Tell every smoker they gave themselves cancer
Every person deserves every single health issue going

Also tell dat smokers they invited death from covid with smug self serving smerk on your face.

Better still just refuse care to fat smokers. The selfish arseholes ( sarcastic) where does "do no herm" come into it if your below Dr level?

ancientgran · 12/12/2021 10:36

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

ancientgran and PinkSparklyPussyCat

There seems to be a real lack of understanding of what phobias are like to live with. I don’t have any severe phobias now but I have in the past. Looking back now it seems ridiculous, but at the time it affected my life a lot. I would actually feel quite embarrassed to say what my phobia was and the things it made me do and avoid. I’d like to think that even without that experience, I would still be understanding of others. You only have to read people’s accounts of their phobias to feel a huge amount of sympathy for them. I think most people would realise that someone saying they’d use an extra thick needle as some sort of punishment for not having the vaccine sooner, could be very unsettling for a needle phobic person to read. People seem to forget there are real people with worries and feelings behind these posts.

Absolutely. There is no way my husband wanted to be scared of the dentist. He was in pain for some years, lived on painkillers, I couldn't even say dentist without him being distressed. Getting to where he is now has been truly liberating for him.
TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 12/12/2021 10:48

Absolutely. There is no way my husband wanted to be scared of the dentist. He was in pain for some years, lived on painkillers, I couldn't even say dentist without him being distressed. Getting to where he is now has been truly liberating for him.

Glad he’s doing better now and able to cope with the dentist. I totally understand it feeling liberating for him. Flowers

Topseyt · 12/12/2021 10:49

The vaccinator should have said nothing at the time and just got on with it. He/she was unprofessional to comment publicly.

That said, I agree with the sentiment. Perhaps it has finally got through to your DS. Teenagers will often listen more to people other than their parents.

ancientgran · 12/12/2021 10:52

Thank you @TisTheSeasonToBeVegan. I have to say it isn't pleasant living with someone with permanent toothache so it is a joy to me.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/12/2021 10:57

Thank you for your understanding @TisTheSeasonToBeVegan. @ancientgran, I'm so glad your husband can now cope with the dentist, for both your sakes! I know I need to do something about mine but my GP laughed and another one told me not to bother with tests (not urgent ones obviously!) so I'm not sure where to start. My phobia stems from being in hospital so that doesn't help when it comes to anything medical either.

ancientgran · 12/12/2021 11:19

@PinkSparklyPussyCat Good luck, I hope you find someone supportive who can help you.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 12/12/2021 11:28

PinkSparklyPussyCat

I hope you find a more supportive GP and things improve for you. I know how difficult it can be to get help for things like this, actually getting access to it as well as the anxiety it causes. Very best of luck. Flowers

Derbee · 12/12/2021 12:16

@MaxNormal

I don’t care what your personal opinion on travel or chavvy holidays are

You're not coming across well here. Somehow makes me doubt that you got vaccinated as an act of altruism, you don't sound like you're capable of it.

Of course i didn’t. I got vaccinated because I want the best chance of avoiding Covid, getting it mildly, and being able to live my life. I also wanted to keep my family safe by being less likely to transmit a virus.

Shocking isn’t it? Hmm

MaxNormal · 12/12/2021 13:35

No, not shocking at all. That's great. Just no need to make digs about "chavvy" holidays.

Derbee · 12/12/2021 13:38

@MaxNormal

No, not shocking at all. That's great. Just no need to make digs about "chavvy" holidays.
Actually, when I mentioned international travel, the PP accused me of wanting to go on “cheap package holidays to Spain” when I was actually talking about being able to visit family who I haven’t seen in almost 3 years.

So I’d say the PP started the conversation about cheap Spanish holidays.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/12/2021 13:52

@derbee not that it should make a difference, but I think what finally spurred to doit after months of me nagging was me telling him I wasn't going to book him a ticket when we (fingers crossed) go to see his grandad in The States next year. DS is very close to him and hasn't seen him now for four years as our trip in 2020 was cancelled.

But whether DS got the jab to see his grandad or to go clubbing in Ibiza should be completely irrelevant as far as an HCP is concerned. The main thing is, he finally got it.

OP posts:
Derbee · 12/12/2021 14:00

@EmmaGrundyForPM I agree, the main thing is he got it. Whatever carrot has to be dangled for people, so be it. I just don’t think it’s that big a deal for someone to point out that he should have been vaccinated earlier.

I’m not saying I had my vaccine purely for altruistic reasons. But I don’t pay tax for purely altruistic reasons either, or insure my car, or not drink drive, or fly tip etc. I do it because it’s the way society works - we are all part of a system that generally works because we all do our bit. We all get the benefits of what we do, individually AND collectively. And I view vaccines and a potential return to normal life in the same way.

So your son WAS selfish leaving his first vaccine so long, when a lot of us have been “putting in to the system” for over a year now.

amnm · 12/12/2021 14:02

I'm not someone who would defend anti-vaxxers, but I do think that's quite bad and he should complain. That attitude will discourage others from going to get the vaccine.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/12/2021 14:05

@amnm he's not an antivaxxer. He had his own reasons for not getting vaccinated, but he isn't anti vaccine per se.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/12/2021 14:08

@PinkSparklyPussyCat I'm sorry you're getting a hard time from some people on here.

If its any help, I've just asked my son exactly what was said to him, and he said everyone was amazingly kind and encouraging at first as they assumed he hadn't come before because he was scared of the injection.

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 12/12/2021 14:08

Yes, generally I would say that a negative attitude is no way to encourage something you want to happen!

DamnUserName21 · 12/12/2021 14:08

I’m not saying I had my vaccine purely for altruistic reasons. But I don’t pay tax for purely altruistic reasons either, or insure my car, or not drink drive, or fly tip etc. I do it because it’s the way society works - we are all part of a system that generally works because we all do our bit

On the contrary, we do these because we get fined or go to prison if we don't.
Given the choice, very few people would pay tax or insure their cars, etc.

Vaccines (at present and depending on your line of work) are a choice, selfish or not.