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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:

MRSAHILL · 11/12/2021 20:50

This is so wrong. They should not have made any comments to him, he's getting the jab so they should leave it at that. My son aged 21, who has mental health issues, was late getting his. No one made any negative comments to him, in fact, they could not have been nicer. If they had, he would have just walked out. I had mine the minute I was eligible but at 21 and 6ft 3 I couldn't physically force him. I pray this post doesn't put anyone off having the jab who has been a bit nervous, undecided etc.

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 20:50

Why are anxiety and panic attacks always mentioned on here? He’s not too anxious when flying off on holiday or attending concerts

You do realise different things affect people in different ways?

I can fly off on holiday or go to a concert. I had proper anxiety going for all my vaccines.

Glitteringduck · 11/12/2021 20:55

Absolutely not. They should have kept their mouths shut and act professional like they're supposed to. Arseholes

Sarahuk1 · 11/12/2021 20:56

I don't actually believe this happened. For one health care professional to say something would be bad but for two to offer up their opinions?? I just don't think it would happen. It sounds like he's made it up. 🤷🏼‍♀️

NeedAHoliday2021 · 11/12/2021 21:01

Vaccinator should be glad he’s there. Better late than never, whatever the reason. People make poor health choices all the time. The amount of chocolate and mince pies I’ve had today are definitely not good choices. Well done to him for getting the vaccine.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 21:01

@Sarahuk1

As I said, it was only the vaccinator who said he was selfish.

OP posts:

daisydoh · 11/12/2021 21:09

I agree OP. As much as I have real issues for people not taking the vaccine - he did go on the end so shouldn't they be praising him rather than putting him down?

Also it's very unprofessional for the vaccinator to say that.

TonkinLenkicks · 11/12/2021 21:12

Of course it’s a selfish attitude but what tf it’s got to do with the vaccinator I’ll never know

Sarahuk1 · 11/12/2021 21:14

No, you said that the person registering him asked why he hasn't been sooner and the vaccinator called him selfish , so that's two people who passed comment. ..I just don't believe that conversation took place. As you said yourself, you work in a vaccine centre and you are beyond nine to every one. The people that work/volunteer in these places see 100's and 100's of people all day, every day...there is no way they would pass judgement on every person who walked through the door.
It sounds like he just using it as further justification as to why he's anti vax.

larrydavidisagenious · 11/12/2021 21:17

No of course they shouldn't have said that to him. I'm sick of the separation these vaccines are causing. It's a personal decision and absolutely no one else's business - not even health professionals. Every individual has autonomy over their own body and they should not be shamed or forced in to getting the vaccine. This comes from a fully vaccinated person.

Poetnojo · 11/12/2021 21:20

Totally unprofessional.
He should have been commended for changing his mind imo, not told off and insulted.
What age is your son anyway?
A lot of people here are giving him a hard time, let me guess not one of the people here criticising him ever did anything 'selfish' in their youth? Made a decision then realised it was wrong and rectified it?
Should people not have a choice in what they do with their own body anymore no? Even if other people think its selfish?
My body my choice only if you agree with their decision? The hypocrisy is palatable.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 21:23

@Sarahuk1

No, you said that the person registering him asked why he hasn't been sooner and the vaccinator called him selfish , so that's two people who passed comment. ..I just don't believe that conversation took place. As you said yourself, you work in a vaccine centre and you are beyond nine to every one. The people that work/volunteer in these places see 100's and 100's of people all day, every day...there is no way they would pass judgement on every person who walked through the door. It sounds like he just using it as further justification as to why he's anti vax.

The person signing him in may have asked for the reason why in case it was anxiety related.. so they could offer support. The person doing the jab was separate, and called OP's son selfish. How is that acceptable? Why are you assuming OP's son is lying? Why would you want to shut conversation about this down? If there are vaccinators out there that are being judgemental arseholes, and potentially putting off people going back, then surely people need to know... and those staff need further training.

GreenLunchBox · 11/12/2021 21:24

It does sound pretty unbelievable because it's against everything bit of training HCPs undertake

What I also find even more unbelievable is that 48% of 842 people think YABU.

Cool. So a large amount of people think doctors and nurses should start giving unsolicited opinions on your choices. Noted. "You shouldn't eat so much. It's pretty greedy". "Why can't you stop smoking? It's pretty weak-willed". "Well, why do you think you've developed cancer? With your lifestyle it was inevitable!"

Etc, etc, etc

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 21:32

@GreenLunchBox

It does sound pretty unbelievable because it's against everything bit of training HCPs undertake

What I also find even more unbelievable is that 48% of 842 people think YABU.

Etc, etc, etc

A lot of vaccinators are not HCPs. They are just members of the public who have done a bit of training in jabbing people.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 11/12/2021 21:35

@underthebed

Shocked by some of the comments here. I shouldn't be, I've been on Mumsnet long enough. Regardless of your personal opinion and whether you agree with the health care professional or not, it is completely unacceptable to make comments like this on the job. One of the worst things about Covid is how people think it's appropriate to treat each other now - with utter disdain if they have differing views to their own.

Its like Brexit all over again but worse.

Pippa12 · 11/12/2021 21:45

I’ve not read the whole thread OP but just wanted to say as a nurse who worked on critical care, vaccinated and swabbed throughout the pandemic, I don’t believe anybody said this to your son in a derogatory form whatsoever. Vaccinators are genuinely pleased when the unvaccinated come through for their jabs.

If this genuinely and honestly did happen in this exact format I would go through a complaints procedure as this is not acceptable. If your son is fuming, he’d be willing to do this.

But I don’t believe that this conversation happened in this way.

Apiddleawiddle · 11/12/2021 21:46

@supergloo I know this all too well. It didn't cause many changes for me but that doesn't make what was said wrong and it was more the fit shaming within society that caused the issues for me, not from a heslthcare professional who is educating me of the consequences of my choices. The truth hurts. If there is someone who can criticise your weight, it's a healthcare professional when it's in the sense of letting you know the consequences of your choices. They don't have to like it, especially as its them who will have to treat the consequences of your actions.

PinkKecks · 11/12/2021 21:47

YANBU. Health professionals shouldn't make moral judgements on the people in their care.

Pippa12 · 11/12/2021 21:49

FWIW I am pro- vaccine, but I would never agree with any HCP behaving in this way. I am surprised at the large proportion that have voted YABU. Unless, like me, they don’t beleive this is an entirely truthful version of events.

JinglingHellsBells · 11/12/2021 21:58

A lot of vaccinators are not HCPs. They are just members of the public who have done a bit of training in jabbing people.

@XenoBitch Could you link to your proof for this?

You are mistaken.

It's contrary to everything that has been stated lately.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-55516277

This was earlier in the year and nothing has changed.

Many retired nurses and drs who wanted to help vaccinate to increase the number of boosters have been turned down because the NHS is full of red tape and they didn't want them.

whyayepetal · 11/12/2021 22:00

YANBU. I am an immuniser, and am always delighted when someone comes forward for vaccination having spent some time considering whether this is for them having asked questions along the way. This is informed consent. I am also content if someone declines vaccination having done the same things. This is informed dissent. I try to support everyone who comes to our centres whatever their decision. Someone who feels that their views have been heard and valued is more likely to talk to HCPs again in future, and therefore will have the information to enable them to make an informed decision.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 11/12/2021 22:01

Very unprofessional. The vaccine is not mandatory but l am pleased people are changing their minds rather than facing restrictions- kind of mandatory by proxy.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 22:05

@JinglingHellsBells

A lot of vaccinators are not HCPs. They are just members of the public who have done a bit of training in jabbing people.

@XenoBitch Could you link to your proof for this?

You are mistaken.

It's contrary to everything that has been stated lately.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-55516277

This was earlier in the year and nothing has changed.

Many retired nurses and drs who wanted to help vaccinate to increase the number of boosters have been turned down because the NHS is full of red tape and they didn't want them.

Here is a well known one....

www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-55908493

Lots of St John Ambulance volunteers administer vaccines, and a lot of them are not HCPs.. are just volunteer first aiders.

DroopyClematis · 11/12/2021 22:16

This thread is so revealing of people's perceptions and thoughts.
I'm aghast .
HCPs are there to support us. Sometimes home truths need telling .

Being asked why you've only just come forward for your first jab is perfectly reasonable. Is it anxiety? Is it because you're worried about some misinformation? Is it because you couldn't be bothered?
The health service need to know so that it can , effectively, alter its directives to ensure best practice.

If you're 17 stone, smoke and lead a sedentary life you should be questioned by a HCP when accessing NHS services.
Why shouldn't a reluctant vaxxer be questioned?

I'm not a fan of the term 'snowflakes' but I do think , sometimes, that a lot of us are.

HopefulHetty · 11/12/2021 22:19

But I fail to see the benefit in berating someone who is now complying with the desired vaccination.

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