I’ve been called unreasonable and I think I hate my DP.

[NxnAllInclusive]

I have a pet peeve and that’s been poked/tapped. I’m also ND and any form of ‘surprise touch’ either makes me tense or generally feels like razor blades on my skin. Being poked/tapped/shaked makes me tense but really really winds me up. If anyone gets in my personal space without me wanting them to be there I completely tense up and have heightened anxiety for at least a few hours. I know it’s pathetic especially what other woman have to endure but its the anxiety it brings afterwards.

I’m chilled out in bed and DP comes in and sits on the end of the bed. He’s goofing around and I’m not laughing as I’ve just woke up, got a hangover and trying to concentrate on a text. Firstly he spreads his hand on my belly and shakes it (this makes me tense and it generally hurts as I need to wee) so I hold him to stop and that I’m not in the mood. He then pokes my boob with his big toe with ‘whhhhhyyyy are yooou beinnngg so grumpy’. So I jab him back with my toe and tell him to leave me alone. He then gets on all fours over me and starts bouncing the bed. I tell him to fuck off and leave me alone so he gets up, whips the duvet off the bed and throws it on my face. He sulks off ranting that he’s only trying to have a laugh.

30 minutes later he comes back in now back in his jokey moods and asks for an apology, I do for swearing and we have a laugh. I ask for his apology and he changes his tone that he’s done absolutely nothing wrong and that I’m always the one flying off the handle etc etc. Apparently it’s so much fun winding me up as it’s so easy so I should relax more. I start welling up and beg him to stop doing it, he kicks off for me causing a problem and the real problem is how I jab him back with anger but he doesn’t cause a scene about it. I’m crying and get it all out of my system of that I’ve begged him for years to stop getting in my personal space to annoy me, that I’m tired of the anxiety it brings, I should be able to relax in my own home and as he doesn’t listen to what I say I’ve got no choice to jab him back (he only usually stops when I either get really at him or poke him back harder or I usually walk away - when he’s in his ‘jokey/goofy’ mood I try to stay out of his way or immediately feel tense). He was going on that he’s only joking and that I’m making it into a bigger deal than what it is. I call him out for gaslighting me he storms off ranting ‘you’re so fucking unreasonable and it’s all about you’ and does a fake laugh.

I’m still in bed as I don’t want to see him. Since he said about me being unreasonable, I immediately felt hatred towards him as there’s no-one I actually hate. The perfect situation right now if he came upstairs to pack his things. I know this is long but as this has been going on for years I’m ready to tell him to pack his bags, but on the flip side am I massively over reacting?

He sounds horrible, and he is abusing you. Please get rid ASAP.

hes been doing this for years -years and people are saying op isnt fun enough

fuck me

He won't change. So you either accept this ongoing behaviour for the rest of your life or you end the relationship.

@whynotwhatknot

hes been doing this for years -years and people are saying op isnt fun enough

fuck me

It’s vile, isn’t it.

Sometimes I’m staggered by the shit I read here.

He sounds like an absolute nightmare. He does things deliberately to make you wound up and unhappy. Ugh. Pack his things for him.

I don't think he is behaving in a respectful way.

I love mucking about and having fun but can completely respect one of my ND kids who doesn't.

He doesn't want to be touched and finds mucking about pointless and stressful. I love and respect him and so rein my juvenile twattery in.

@NxnAllInclusive

I’ve spent the afternoon thinking about things (I’m in my bedroom as I can’t stop thinking).

I never used to have anxiety about being touched. I used to horseplay with my siblings but if I put my foot in their face to wind them up I could expect to have my toes bitten. If they would have pulled my duvet off me they’d expect for me to pin them to the ground using it. I don’t want a partner that constantly does one thing that really fucking annoys me as he’s bored and enjoys winding me up.

I think the anxiety/tension has came from that he doesn’t stop unless I loose my shit and he’ll keep upping it until I do. In the past he’s tickled me that I’ve actually pissed myself (when I told him explicitly that I hate been tickled) or I’ve had my arms and legs pinned down (and I’ve had a full blown panic attack).

He also does it when I’m being quiet or as he says boring. I’m sure even butlins redcoats or Peter Kay has to have some down time especially if they’ve just woke up, got a hangover and trying to sort out plans via text. I get he’s bored when I’m having a lie in (I don’t get much sleep during the week and I usually have plans at the weekends so the occasional lie in is my idea of perfection!) and he’s always up at the crack of dawn. It’s a pattern that happens every time we’re both free at the weekends and it would be nice to be able to have a relaxing Saturday morning without been irritated for the fun of it. I guess it’s my fault as I didn’t ask him last night not to annoy me in the morning as I wanted a relaxing morning (yep I have to do that).

The first few times Id play along, but after YEARS of explaining in every way possible I ended up welling up begging him to stop doing it as it would be nice to be able to relax/have down time in my own house.

I’m not sure how many times I’ve told him to not touch my belly when I wake up as I usually need a wee and it actually hurts. He tells me it doesn’t hurt and still does it.

Pinning your arms and legs down when you’ve not consented??? That has wrong written all over it. A man who just wants to wind you up until you lose your temper from fear and frustration is just plain nasty. He sounds immature but I have a feeling his behaviour could escalate as he’s controlling you to a certain extent ( Him —- I get in her space, tickle her, annoy her, she blows top, I can be offended and hurt and insist she apologises) Maybe it’s time to think about a life without him ?

I think you both sound really immature tbh and not very compatible. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you.

I hate people who poke & prod. I used to work with someone who did that , she couldn't even say hello without tapping or poking you. It feels aggressive. Also as much as I can see the funny side of a lot of things, childish, 'goofy' stuff leaves me cold. If he's doing it deliberately I'd wonder why you are still together. He's mean spirited.

My hubby has never done this type of shit EVER! This is what an obnoxiously immature brother does to start a war with a sibling. I genuinely don't know how you haven't lamped that disrespectful asshole!

He sounds awful. He has no respect for your boundaries and let's not start on consent which you repeatedly have NOT given. What you describe would drive me insane, but thank fully I am with someone who knows and respects that.

A person who loves you doesn’t try to deliberately wind you up because it is “easy” or “fun”. He doesn’t respect you or your personal space, and sounds like an overgrown schoolyard bully.

@NxnAllInclusive I am really sorry you are having to read some of these awful replies The posters excusing this because it must be because of a lack of humour on your part or that you are somehow difficult are really really disgusting! This is not an incompatibility problem.

Your H is an abuser.

It is not ok.

It is not your fault.

Please get in touch with Womens aid or similar in your area for some help or maybe even start up a thread in the relationships board where hopefully you will find more sensible and supportive advice.

@MyDogLovesBiscuits

Completely agree.

Some of the posts are absolutely disgusting.

"Incompatibility" because you don't want to be physically tormented until you soil yourself.

Utterly shameful posts by people who clearly know no better.

Womens aid is an excellent suggestion.

You can be bloody sure they won't be suggesting it is the OP's lack of a sense of humour.🙄

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I think you both sound really immature tbh and not very compatible. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you.

Why is the OP immature?

I would really really hate this. In fact I did really hate this when I was a child and siblings behaved in this way.

If anyone does this to me now I would also react quite strongly.

I don’t understand anyone who deliberately does things they know someone hates. I think it’s incredibly unreasonable and unkind of him.

I couldn’t stay with someone who makes me feel this uncomfortable and anxious in my own home.

My husband once pinned me down under the blanket. He couldn't see my face and even though I'm not normally anxious it triggered a really horrible response where I wet myself and couldn't breathe. He was so shocked at how strongly I reacted. He didn't really "get it" but the fact I was so upset meant he has never done it again!

I think your partner sounds abusive. He hurts, humiliates and upsets you. Then when you respond how he expects he belittled and gaslights you. Some playfulness is generally normal in a relationship but this feels nasty and I don't think you should ignore it.

You're not compatible.
I'm assuming that your partner knows that you're ND .
That he's done this fooling around for years, despite your reluctance is not on.

He's utterly vile. I have no idea how you've stood years of this.

Give yourself a stress free 2022 by dumping him. He's a nasty bully who enjoys tormenting you and making you anxious then telling you it's your fault.

So you picked a shitty boyfriend, just dump him.
Is he changing his behaviour or typing out paragraphs over his actions online? Nah? Up to you to make better life choices.

If it’s been going on for years then why do you think it’ll change now? Don’t stay with him when he makes you feel this uncomfortable

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I think you both sound really immature tbh and not very compatible. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you.

Can you point to a single sentence OP has written which is "immature", @nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut? Or explain how a tolerance for being physically accosted, & pinned down until you cry/wet yourself, then get blamed for your upset, illustrates maturity?

It is so fucking depressing how many women either have reading comprehension difficulties, or are fine with another woman's bodily autonomy being violated. I expect they're the type who would stand by while a man harrassed a woman in the street, or view a catcall as a 'compliment.'

You're right about the healthy relationship though.
It's impossible to conduct a healthy relationship when one of the parties is a bullying abuser.
And abusive men never have healthy relationships. It is not possible for them.

@Guavaf1sh

I agree with posters saying you’re not compatible but neither really in the wrong. Just different. Personally I think feeling ‘hatred’ over something like this is just awful and totally unreasonable

I imagine the hatred comes from trying to make someone, who should love you to stop doing something that upsets you. It sounds like the op has been trying to get her feelings to be respected for years. It's not working and her partner is ignoring her legitimate desire not to be poked and prodded. Perhaps that's were the hatred comes from.

I would be pissed off if I was lying in bed dying with a hangover and my DH came in and pulled covers off me, grabbed my stomach and generally annoyed me (after I told him to stop). Mine usually brings paracetamol and water in these situations

But I don’t think I would get upset over it, more angry and once he had stopped acting like a child explain this to him? What does ND stand for?

I dont think you are being unreasonable, I think he is if he knows this is how You feel yet keeps behaving like this

My father thought he had the perfect right to poke and tickle you whenever he wanted, or blow down your ear. And would get shitty when you said no.

He was an arsehole too.