I’ve been called unreasonable and I think I hate my DP.

[NxnAllInclusive]

I have a pet peeve and that’s been poked/tapped. I’m also ND and any form of ‘surprise touch’ either makes me tense or generally feels like razor blades on my skin. Being poked/tapped/shaked makes me tense but really really winds me up. If anyone gets in my personal space without me wanting them to be there I completely tense up and have heightened anxiety for at least a few hours. I know it’s pathetic especially what other woman have to endure but its the anxiety it brings afterwards.

I’m chilled out in bed and DP comes in and sits on the end of the bed. He’s goofing around and I’m not laughing as I’ve just woke up, got a hangover and trying to concentrate on a text. Firstly he spreads his hand on my belly and shakes it (this makes me tense and it generally hurts as I need to wee) so I hold him to stop and that I’m not in the mood. He then pokes my boob with his big toe with ‘whhhhhyyyy are yooou beinnngg so grumpy’. So I jab him back with my toe and tell him to leave me alone. He then gets on all fours over me and starts bouncing the bed. I tell him to fuck off and leave me alone so he gets up, whips the duvet off the bed and throws it on my face. He sulks off ranting that he’s only trying to have a laugh.

30 minutes later he comes back in now back in his jokey moods and asks for an apology, I do for swearing and we have a laugh. I ask for his apology and he changes his tone that he’s done absolutely nothing wrong and that I’m always the one flying off the handle etc etc. Apparently it’s so much fun winding me up as it’s so easy so I should relax more. I start welling up and beg him to stop doing it, he kicks off for me causing a problem and the real problem is how I jab him back with anger but he doesn’t cause a scene about it. I’m crying and get it all out of my system of that I’ve begged him for years to stop getting in my personal space to annoy me, that I’m tired of the anxiety it brings, I should be able to relax in my own home and as he doesn’t listen to what I say I’ve got no choice to jab him back (he only usually stops when I either get really at him or poke him back harder or I usually walk away - when he’s in his ‘jokey/goofy’ mood I try to stay out of his way or immediately feel tense). He was going on that he’s only joking and that I’m making it into a bigger deal than what it is. I call him out for gaslighting me he storms off ranting ‘you’re so fucking unreasonable and it’s all about you’ and does a fake laugh.

I’m still in bed as I don’t want to see him. Since he said about me being unreasonable, I immediately felt hatred towards him as there’s no-one I actually hate. The perfect situation right now if he came upstairs to pack his things. I know this is long but as this has been going on for years I’m ready to tell him to pack his bags, but on the flip side am I massively over reacting?

He’s a dickhead. Why put yourself thru this?

Irritating and childish at best, spiteful wanker at worst.

Does he have good points?

You aren't compatible at all.
Personally, I don't mind being heavily teased, and would never flip out or fall out over it - ever.
But you are not like that, and you are not with the right man.
Let him go.

It’s bullying. I wouldn’t tolerate that behaviour from an 8 yr old let alone a grown man. I think you need to set some boundaries a bit sooner before it gets out of hand if you don’t want to split up. Try talking to him like a child and then see how he likes it- “now DH you know I have told you before that you doing [insert fucking annoying behaviour] makes me tense, anxious and sad. Was there something not clear? Do we need to discuss this again? If you don’t stop it now I will have to leave the house or I will start to get very angry, as you are aware.” Follow through with leaving for a few hours unless impossible/ dangerous. At least then you can’t be accused of flying off the handle. But he does sound like a childish dickhead so not sure if I could be arsed TBH.

He sulks off ranting that he’s only trying to have a laugh.

At your expense and with you as the butt of the joke.

He doesn't care or respect you at all.

He sounds childish, immature and downright selfish.

So, no, you are not unreasonable, make your perfect situation and ask him to pack his bags and leave.

My OH can be very childish like this and no matter how I explain it he just doesn't want to understand. It's infuriating that he doesn't listen! I think does it when he wants attention and often takes my reaction of pushing him away, or moving away until he's calmed down, as a rejection and then he feels hurt/sulks so no good ever comes of it!

I do find my reaction varies from mild irritation to absolute rage, depending on how hormonal I am! I definitely spend at least a few days a month planning to leave him for being such a twat!

Ridiculous behaviour from a grown man.

He doesn't seem to listen to you either.

It seems this relationship isn't working, but it's your choice what you choose to do about it.

@Guavaf1sh

I agree with posters saying you’re not compatible but neither really in the wrong. Just different. Personally I think feeling ‘hatred’ over something like this is just awful and totally unreasonable

Neither are in the right about their preferences, but her partner is being a spectacular dick for imposing his on her when she has specifically asked him not to.

I'm sometimes in the mood for horseplay, sometimes not, and if DH starts, but I say "no, please stop", guess what? He stops!

Because he doesn't see me as some sort of chew toy for his amusement.

YANBU, he sounds like a prick. Whether he’s joking or not he knows you hate it, so why does he keep doing it? It would wind me up beyond belief.

@takealettermsjones

ND = neurodiverse (I assume)

Thanks, I was wondering.

Oh god this resonated with me so much ,
The shaking the bed, the constant poking and pawing to get a reaction , literally hounding me out of bed when I all want to do is relax
If I ignored it he’d escalate it until I got angry and then laugh or get the hump.
The only advice I can give to you is to figure out if the joy he brings to your life outweighs the discomfort and anxiety.

Its irrelevant really that you are ND - by which I mean you don't have to justify not wanting to be touched, or wound up or have someone invading your space. You asked him to stop, you've been asking him to stop for years, He thinks his desire to poke you and irritate you trumps your wishes.
He sounds completely appalling - I would loathe to be with a man like this (I have been with a man like this - it is destructive and exhausting) whether people think you should be happy to be poked and prodded and whether they think objecting to being used in this way is unreasonable doesn't matter. It is your boundary, he knows your boundary, he wants to push it and push it until he makes you very upset. Why would anyone who cared about you wish to upset you ?
Is not the poking it's the disrespect and the desire to hurt that shows his underlying mind set.

A tease is so often a bully. Like now.

If someone shook my belly he would really, really regret it, and that's without all the extra crap.

@CanofCant

Yeah that pissed me off just reading it and that's without being ND. YANBU he does sound tiresome as fuck.

OP,

He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

He knows bloody well that it upsets you but he likes doing under the guise of a bit of fun.

It really is nasty.

I think telling him to pack his bags is EXACTLY what you should do.

It sounds like you don't have children with him?
If not, get rid of him.

He sounds like a nasty prick and your post is annoying to read not to mind experience.

I repeat, this is NOT on YOU.

It doesn't matter whether he thinks you are unreasonable or not, if you asked him to stop,he should stop.

I'm not ND but I have particular things that if they happen, cause me anxiety, and I struggle with how to handle things. Sometimes these are triggered by people who don't know me or know about it. They are never triggered by my husband. He would never try to make me feel uncomfortable or upset on purpose.

We tell the kids if they don't like tickling,we won't do it. If they wanted tickling and then said stop, we stop. Does that make them unreasonable or us incompatible? No! It's boundaries, you have set them,he doesn't care. You need to figure out your next step.

Apparently it’s so much fun winding me up as it’s so easy so I should relax more.

People who say shit like this are, I've learned over the years, invariably cunts.

They seem to think it excuses their behaviour when actually they are literally saying they enjoy someone else being upset or uncomfortable.

And on all fours bouncing over you because you don't want to get up yet? What is he, a cunting Labrador wanting walkies?!

I completely disagree that they are incompatible.

Only a nasty prick continues to do something they have been repeatedly asked not to do because it causes upset to the person asking for it to stop.

Only a nasty prick turns it around as a joke.

What the hell is the wrong with so many women that they cannot understand another women's right to say STOP or NO, is not a problem with the woman.

No wonder there is such an issue with men not getting it, when so many women don't get it.

Teasing is a guise for bullying that nasty pricks use.

If he was my DP I would hate him too.

Part of being in a relationship is not doing things to your partner they tell you they don't like. That's pretty basic.

Blaming you for your reaction to him doing things to you he knows you don't like is arseholery 101.

Part of being in a relationship is not doing things to your partner they tell you they don't like. That's pretty basic.

Well said.

He sounds annoying as fuck.

That would annoy me. I tell my children a game is only fun if both people are enjoying it, if someone doesn't like the game you have to stop. He is an adult he should be able to read the mood and if this is something you never join in with then he should already know.

He has to respect your feelings on this or ditch him.

This is called Reactive Abuse OP.
He does things you dont like, then when you snap, he blames you.
My horrible father did this to my poor DM for years, she hated being tickled and poked .
Guess what he did until she cried ?
Then he would verbally abuse her and storm off
Get rid

Frankly he is a bully...get rid of him now.

You're totally incompatible. I couldn't be with someone who was super serious and had issues being silly, or who got so upset by these things. But then I wouldn't put myself in that situation by getting involved with them. It sounds quite a bit like you don't get on and that you both rub each other up the wrong way.