Head Teacher at prospective school

[WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain]

So it's that time of year when we do the rounds to see which primary schools we want to send our kids to...

We've viewed 3 within our catchment area and had thought one in particular we were especially interested in. BUT I've been up tossing and turning over the Head and need some views from other parents please (and maybe teachers if you're here!).

1. AIBU to be put off that a Head of a state primary sends her young daughter to a private school? We have LOADS of very well regarded state primary schools around where she lives and works (I know where she lives and where her daughter goes through Facebook) and the fact she sends her child to Private makes me feel like she doesn't believe in the system she works for. Why should I send my child to her school if even she doesn't believe it's good enough?

2. she has been at the school 2 years. She's mid-late 30s and extremely ambitious from her LinkedIn profile and organisations shes involved in. That's great but this, combined with the fact she's been off sick for 2 months now, suggests to me she may not stick around, AIBU to assume that?

We initially loved the school partially for some of the aspects that are Head dependent so I'm now questioning it. She's also changed the whole school curriculum in the past 2 years which makes me worry as they were great performing in 2019 data so who knows the impact of this.

Help please! Are any of the above red flags for you too?

(Considering we have other great options too)

She may have chosen private because her child has sen that mean they are better off in private.

I think you are massively overthinking it!! Heads come and go…you don’t pick a school based on the head! You pick it based on the nurturing environment, the ethos, whether it has a good feel or not .
My Ds is in year 2 and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen the head at his school.

I see no problem whatsoever with looking at anything people make publically available online.

If people choose not to make things private, to me that is an implicit acknowledgement that you are happy for anyone to see what you are sharing.

I don’t blame her! State schools are incredibly underfunded. She clearly doesn’t see her child as a social experiment.

The only red flag I (a teacher and parent) can see is that she hasn't secured her social media to stop people finding out all this information.... I would question her judgement on that alone.

There’s a bunch of reasons she’s sent her own child to a private school but it’s her business and I’d never let that put me off choosing a school. As another poster has said, you are massively overthinking it. So much so at your own detriment if it’s a good school.

I work in education in a non teaching role. As it happens in a good school. But a job is a job and doesn't have to define your entire existence. The head may think it would be awkward for her child to be taught by some of her staff.

And, you do seem a bit stalker like.

Surely this is no different to someone working in Tesco but shopping in Waitrose? Would you judge them?
OP just pick another school - you sound a bit of a overbearing parent who has already decided you will have issues with her.
Nobody apart from her knows why she sends her kids somewhere else and that is OK- nobody's business but her and her family's.

The Head is career-focused and currently ill. A private prep school is an excellent choice for her child. They can provide lengthy wraparound care hours and flexiboarding. Her child will have continuity of care with almost zero notice required for 24/7 provision. That's not something a state school can offer. It's also not something you seem to require from a school. So, YABU - it's not something that should put you off from choosing this state school.

If you're going to feel anything, I'd suggest empathy for the kid who is likely told on a regular basis that they're going to be staying at school all week because their mom is ill - or even just staying late that day because mom is at another work meeting. Their teacher, matron, and housemaster are probably all lovely people but nothing is the same as going home to mom every afternoon as soon as lessons are over.

Hi op , what is the intake like for the schools . In my area you put your three preferences, there is no guarantee what school you get .

I work in education. The only thing that would put me off that Head is that you can find out so much about her and her family online! Shows a lack of understanding of safeguarding.

Personally, I think it's awful when teachers, particularly Heads, have their own children at the school they work in. Their children never get to experience school separate from a parent. They get treated differently by staff and other pupils because of the connection. I notice it all the time at the school I work in.

Teachers' children always know too much about the running of the school and their parents know too much about what's happening with their children at school. The children can't put a foot wrong without the parents knowing about it. The same goes for those teaching other teachers' children. I've heard parents working at the school tell a teacher, "X wasn't happy with your lesson today ...".

One teacher was fired from our school and everyone thinks it was because he clashed with the Head's son. I have no idea if this is true but it's what everyone thinks.

If the Head chose one of his children to be Head Pupil you can guarantee people would say it was favouritism etc. even if the child really was the best choice.

As for private vs. state. You don't know why they chose private for their child. Maybe the father feels strongly about it. Maybe the child has complex needs that the private school; one friend sent her slightly deaf child to private school simply because she thought he'd find it easier to hear in smaller classes. Maybe someone else is paying. Maybe they're there for free. Maybe it's because the days are longer, has better before and after school care etc.

You are absolutely a stalker and "that parent"!

Looking on LinkedIn is ok. I can see you might be interested to see how long the HT has been there. But stalking on FB? Outrageous

You mention you have other good choices? Where do those Heads send their kids to school?

OP you could be describing my mum many years ago.

Mum was a head teacher in a deprived area, was completely dedicated to the school, the pupils and the families. DSis and I went to private school.for secondary because mum knew that DSis needed to be in the year below (31 August birthday and completely not ready for secondary) and a private school was the only school which would do this back then.

When she was 36 she had breast cancer, had a radical mastectomy, and was off for a term. It didn't make her any less committed.

In those days there was no social media. I would be slightly concerned about a HT who hadn't locked down her account sufficiently, but the other things wouldn't bother me. My mum was a fabulous HT (yes I know I'm biased) despite private schooling her dc and having cancer.

The HT sending her child to private school wouldn’t put me off. At the very least small class sizes offered by private schools can be hugely beneficial for children and you rarely get that at state schools.

All red flags in my opinion

The thing is, You don’t know anything about why she sent her child to the school she does. You are making a lot of assumptions about things that may not even happen or be true.

My secondary headteacher was great, she really transformed the school and was quite inspiring - years later I ended up dating someone who turned out to be her son. He had gone to a private school because she had worked for so many state schools in the area and she didn’t want to risk her son being associated with her, so he could have his own identity at school. Also, the wrap around care was so much better - homework clubs extra sports stuff etc.. great for someone who is working very long hours away from home and has to be dedicated to their work commitments like a head teacher.

She’s obviously not ashamed and feels she can justify her choices if she’s not tried to protect this information on social media.

I’m a teacher in a state school. I would love to send my kids private if I could afford it (I can’t). Why? Because I have seen how it advantages kids (I trained in a private school) and do Easter revision sessions for a private school (that I am not ALLOWED to do in my state school)

Smaller class sizes that just are not possible in the state sector are one factor, sports access, More contact time. If there are problems in the state sector that can’t be solved grassroots then why wouldn’t you go private?

I still think the state sector has lots to offer and my children attend state. I do find you looking the teacher up to that degree is odd. I’ve never looked up their private lives which are separate from professional lives. LinkedIn is OK but FB- that’s creepy.

@notanothertakeaway

You are absolutely a stalker and "that parent"!

Looking on LinkedIn is ok. I can see you might be interested to see how long the HT has been there. But stalking on FB? Outrageous

I’m inclined to agree

Your wierd as stalking her social media activity 😳

@notanothertakeaway

You are absolutely a stalker and "that parent"!

Looking on LinkedIn is ok. I can see you might be interested to see how long the HT has been there. But stalking on FB? Outrageous

100%

God help the teachers at the school your kids actually end up in 😂

I agree with you. She doesn’t think the state system is good enough for her child.

In terms of the curriculum thing, all schools have been overhauling their curriculum over the last couple of years due to new (ridiculous) demands from Ofsted, so I wouldn't let that put you off too much.

Maybe her husband is a high earner and insisted on private school. I know a couple like that, and he won the argument against his wife who wanted to go with state school options. But even if she does want her child in private school, I don’t see how that corresponds at all with her not doing her best in the school she heads up. If she is ambitious as you suspect, then surely she will be doing the best job she can.