Head Teacher at prospective school

[WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain]

So it's that time of year when we do the rounds to see which primary schools we want to send our kids to...

We've viewed 3 within our catchment area and had thought one in particular we were especially interested in. BUT I've been up tossing and turning over the Head and need some views from other parents please (and maybe teachers if you're here!).

1. AIBU to be put off that a Head of a state primary sends her young daughter to a private school? We have LOADS of very well regarded state primary schools around where she lives and works (I know where she lives and where her daughter goes through Facebook) and the fact she sends her child to Private makes me feel like she doesn't believe in the system she works for. Why should I send my child to her school if even she doesn't believe it's good enough?

2. she has been at the school 2 years. She's mid-late 30s and extremely ambitious from her LinkedIn profile and organisations shes involved in. That's great but this, combined with the fact she's been off sick for 2 months now, suggests to me she may not stick around, AIBU to assume that?

We initially loved the school partially for some of the aspects that are Head dependent so I'm now questioning it. She's also changed the whole school curriculum in the past 2 years which makes me worry as they were great performing in 2019 data so who knows the impact of this.

Help please! Are any of the above red flags for you too?

(Considering we have other great options too)

A good teacher will also be able to see that different children will suit different settings.

The senco/deputy head at DS old primary school suggested his current high school to us as the best option for him. Her son goes to the other high school nearby. That’s not an indicator of her views of either school just her accepting that different children need different settings.

I think sometimes parents can become quite territorial over their school and hate anything that makes it sound like others may be better or someone is being negative about it but it’s just a case of everyone being different

@WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain Just stay out of peoples private lives - it really is none of your business but you don’t seem to get that. You think that you’re entitled to pick apart her life choices and post about them because you’re considering sending your precious little darling to her school. Don’t send them if it bothers you that much. The pp was absolutely correct, you wouldn’t care what your Gp does or your solicitor.. because it really is none of your business. Make a judgement on the school and nothing else. This woman’s child has absolutely nothing to do with you. Get some boundaries and realise that other people’s children are absolutely nothing to do with you. I genuinely can’t believe how entitled and disrespectful some people are.

I know how important good leadership is to a school - I sent my dc to an outstanding primary, followed by an outstanding secondary. In both cases, the heads left within 2 years (one of them to prison!) and the schools imploded.

So yes, the quality of headship is important but, that said, you are overthinking this to the nth degree. Much more useful to sound out a few current parents and see if they are happy with the school.

for all you know her dc may have some learning issues or be ASD - some private schools are more in tune with special educational needs = & that includes even dc who have comparative simple ones & the class sizes are smaller.
Trying to get learning support in state schools is really difficult = if not impossible

@Nootkah

That's not completely true. The National Curriculum is guidance for what should be taught but with plenty of scope for exact topics, timings etc.

For example, in History in KS2 you must teach a topic which shows changes in Britain from 1066- the present day. There are a huge number of topics you could do which cover this.

Primaries schools across the country have been told they must adapt their curriculum to support their children as each school is different and has children with different needs and experiences.

@2reefsin30knots

She might use the prep school because the wraparound is much better. Heads work long hours.

My DS's standard prep school day is 8am to 5pm and they can offer care from 7.30am to 7.30pm and flexi boarding. This enables me to work in a state school (SLT, but not a Head) where I need to be in school by at least 8am and can't be out until well after 5pm on many days and there is zero flexibility.

I was just about to say similar. The hours our HT puts in is unbelievable.

"Oh for god's sake, take the wasp from your mouth. You're so rude!"

That's ironic. Not rude to scrutinise and judge this woman's private life and discuss her on an Internet forum though. Who would be a head today? There's another thread running where a parent text the head in the evening about an incident that happened at the local park. Some parents seem to think they own us. No, her choice to use private education for her child doesn't mean she doesn't run a great school - it means she knows that it's better for her child. It should be, each child gets about 4x the funding of a state primary pupil. She may learn a lot from having a child in private education that she can replicate.

Not read the whole thread but thought I'd add. I'm a HT and would never have my child at my school. Not because I don't think it's good enough - I do - but I don't think it's be fair on my child. I'd worry about teachers' intentions and judgement from parents whenever they got rewarded, a place in the play, in trouble etc. I know I'd be harsher with them than any other child and that's not fair. I've also seen as a teacher how other teachers worried when they were teaching a colleague's child. It's not fair.
My question when making changes/judgements is: Is this good enough for my child? Yes - great. No - not good enough then.
Good luck - it's such a hard decision.

Her being not well for two months is not her fault. How cruel

I'm a teacher and I wouldn't want to work for someone who sent their child to private school UNLESS maybe they had particular needs that the school could support. I'd also be wary of a head who changed everything very quickly, unless it had previously been judged by OFSTED as requiring improvement or failing. It doesn't show much regard for the staff. I also dislike people who can only give a senior position in a school a couple of years or so - it doesn't show commitment and doesn't give them a chance to see how their changes impact over time.

Do you know other parents who have children at the school? Or even some staff members or ex members?

The head is pivotal in determining what a school is like and I believe in listening to your gut.

I would ignore the sending her daughter to private school issue as there could be multiple reasons for that. But I do think it's worth looking into how effective the changes she's made to the school are turning out. Some overly ambitious headteachers in education can make lots of changes to look like they're keeping up the the latest fads, and then move on before the negative implications of this come to light. Talk to current parents at the school. Are they happy? Do they think the school has genuinely improved since she came?

My DDs attend the primary school that I teach at. Mainly because I think it is a fantastic school but also for logistical reasons. But if money was no object I would have considered private school. Class sizes are a massive thing for me. I don't think private schools have a better quality of teaching however it is much easier to teach a class of 14 than a class of 30!

One of my DDs in particular thrives in a smaller environment (she was one of 10 in school during Covid and really enjoyed it) so I think she would have loved private school. That's not to say I think my school is a poor choice but a private school might have suited her better.

I'm a secondary school teacher and I've had the worst 4 months you can imagine and due to ivf, tonsillitis and parent dying and I have been off sick. You have no idea what people are going through - how judgemental and also borderline stalker are you? Financially if I can afford to send my child to a private school I would due to smaller classes, social mixing and finally more after school clubs.

You do know the head won’t be the one teaching your children. She could leave at anytime. Stop stalking her , she’s chosen private for her own reasons, maybe your envious of her . Pick a different school you are overthinking this one .

"You do know the head won’t be the one teaching your children."

Of course any teacher can be good but schools with good heads get the best out of their staff and support weaker / less experienced teachers to develop. The ethos of a school is led by the head and you'll get more consistency with a good one.

And I'm sure in real life you wouldn't have the audacity to question why someone is taking sick leave or why they send their child to a particular school.
A change to curriculum is a positive, in the last few years we have had me too, blm, trans diversity issues all of which are not factored in to a curriculum 6+ years old. We need to educate children on diversity and inclusivity and a savvy head teacher ensuring that all children feel heard and involved would be a school I would be proud to send my child to.

Surely, where she sends her kids is her business and nothing to do with anyone else!

@JustOneMoreStep

Guess it's a good job I'm not a head teacher. There is no way on God's earth my children will ever attend a school I teach in, for so many reasons, but one is wrap around care. Whilst it's true many state schools offer excellent wraparound provision, local private schools offer a more traditional extra curricular activities/clubs which is desirable for me child.

As for being off sick, I had almost 7 months off a few years ago......I collapsed in the staff room and, for all intense and purposes, died. Had to have intensive CPR and my heart restarted with a defib on site. Paramedics stabilised me and I was air lifted to hospital, where I stayed for almost 4 months. My workplace didn't post montly updates in the newsletter explaining the circumstances of my absence. Its also worth noting that had I taken some sick leave in the weeks and months before the incident and got treatment it would never have happened, but as a teacher there is too much pressure (often from parents!!) To not be off sick.

Wow...that's amazing.

It's one of the things that the poorly paid support staff are essentially responsible for when they take first aid qualifications. The same support staff who are then maligned on here when they try and get a sick child sent home because 'they can just look after them for the day' or 'what would they know?'.

I wouldn't want a child of mine potentially moving to and from schools I worked in/getting grief because of what their parent had done (or having people only interested in their kids being friends because of how useful it could be). And if I had the income of a HT, that would definitely mean the security and extended care provision of the private sector, rather than a state school I might know far more about than official channels might suggest.

So send your child to prep school then

I had my child at the (private) school that I worked at previously and it was a nightmare. Accusations of favouritism, having to go to softplay parties with parents and make endless small talk, people constantly trying to pump you for gossip and information, having to intervene in playground fall outs etc etc.

I always imagined it would be like this! Teachers, more so a headteacher, can’t really win if their kids are at the same school. The kids might be picked on or play up for attention. Or worse, what if they are children who excel? There would be accusations of favouritism flying all over the place. I can completely understand why a teacher would choose to keep work and family separate.

I wouldn’t want to work in a school my kids go to- purely because I would favour them!!!!!

@NeverDropYourMooncup couldn't agree more re. Poorly paid support staff. I am under no illusion that I owe my life to some awesome colleagues who went above and beyond before the paramedics arrived. I was incredibly lucky and forever grateful to them.

This is just so weird.

There could be a million and one reasons why her dc go to a private school. None of which have anything to do with you. Neither does her sickness absence record.

I think you need to not send your dc to that school purely because you sound like a complete and utter nightmare.

I wouldn't want my kids attending the school I was head at. It's not at all easy being the headteacher's child. Perhaps this was a part of their decision - and a private school would have better care before and after school so easier to drop off and pick up before and after work.

I think YABU to judge the school on the basis of the head's personal life. I also think that someone in her position is U to put up any information about her personal life for public viewing on FB, but so long as she doesn't post potentially identifying information about the children, parents or staff at her school, I would not reject the school on this basis.