To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

I used to be a teacher and sadly this doesn’t surprise me. It’s so sad OP I’m so sorry.
Once I needed sedation at the dentists for 2 teeth out and 5 fillings which was going to take 3 hours. I had on off terrible tooth ache before hand for weeks.
It nearly got refused! It had to go via the governors and took ages to approve- for 1 day!

Sorry for your loss. But if it's not a close relative, I don't think you're automatically entitled to time off. Especially in these bonkers times.

I’m really shocked that the headteacher won’t let you attend when there is cover that could be arranged. So shortsighted of them, funerals bring closure and help us grieve and it can be harmful to miss them for our emotional health. I’m really sorry you are having the stress of this on top of your grief for your friend.

Sorry for your loss Op. Your Head is totally unreasonable

Ah, seeing now it is a funeral of a friend and you’ve been denied any leave of any kind. YANBU.
I had similar issue when a friend died of suicide.

It’s bizarre OP, the reactions of some people on here.
Of course you should go.

@EmpressCixi that is awful!

Loads of MN ers say they don't have a single friend, or have never had a close friend. Maybe that is why so many don't understand how much this would hurt. I have a friend who lives a few streets away who I see at least once a week and often more and whom I have known for about 30 years.

I’m so sorry OP- what a horribly upsetting thing on top of an already horribly upsetting thing. Is there anyone in your department free who could cover the lesson if you offered to pay them back next term or offered them chocs and wine? Or any other colleague in the school who would be happy to volunteer to cover you? Sometimes at my school when someone has wanted to attend this type of thing the school has said they can if they find someone to cover internally. Usually a number of people are happy to volunteer especially in these types of circumstances or happy to do it as a trade for a cover in future or for bribes of booze and sugary things. I really hope you can find a way to go.

[quote julieca]@EmpressCixi that is awful![/quote]
It was but her family were very understanding as some jobs just won’t spare you and at least I was able to go to the wake and toast her memory.

YANBU…. I work in a very different environment so not comparable but it just shows how lucky I am - it would be unthinkable to take the approach your school are taking where I work. . Really sorry for your loss, not being able to say your ‘goodbyes’ can have a very detrimental impact on how you deal with loss. I feel for you.

@Justcallmebebes

I agree, entirely depends upon whose funeral it is

Does it? OP could be far closer emotionally to her third cousin 16 x removed than her mother.

The deceased clearly means a lot to the OP.

@EmpressCixi I am glad her family were understanding and you got to go to the wake.

If employers were worried about people taking time off for a funeral for someone they barely know, then just do what most do and restrict who you get paid time off for. I could take time off unpaid for the funeral of anyone I wanted to go to. And that is the way it should be.

Yanbu op. Some posters clearly see time off to go to a funeral as skiving...it isn't.

I would develop a rather nasty dry cough and temperature that day OP.

Sorry for your loss,that's rotten. I know a lot of teachers and they have taken unpaid leave for funerals. Sounds like the school aren't doing what they can to help.

Hi. It really doesn’t matter - they insist we come in and test in school.

And also if I was seen, I’d be dismissed and probably not teach again.

How would the school react if you started crying in the staffroom first thing?

@Purplehighlighters

Hi. It really doesn’t matter - they insist we come in and test in school.

And also if I was seen, I’d be dismissed and probably not teach again.

You won’t though, because this would be illegal

You have serious Stockholm syndrome

They need you, you don’t need them

Also, do we all need to be " devastated" to attend a funeral? Can't we go for closure, pay our respects or support other mourners? Someones mum might die and they might be mildly upset whereas a friend may die and we'd be extremely gutted. Who gets to decide? Presenteism gone wrong..no wonder there is a great resignation.

@Purplehighlighters

It is the funeral of a friend.

Teacher, can’t take annual leave.

I’m sorry for your loss. I have friends I would be devastated to lose but I really wasn’t too bothered about my Grandparents for example

Is there a backstory to this? Do you have form for going to anyone's funeral? I ask because I had a colleague who went to practically every single funeral our town ever had.....claimed she knew 'everyone'. Eventually management had to put a stop to it.

@SamhainToImbolc

One workplace I was at only permitted time off for a very close relative's funeral. I was refused permission for my great aunt, even though we had been a close family and my DM wanted me to go with her.

If you wanted to go that much, why didn’t yiu use holiday?

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Could you pop to her gravestone after work and just say a few words? Or even light a candle at home and say a prayer for her?