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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else dreading seeing their inlaws this Christmas?

120 replies

PostitHositit · 09/12/2021 12:07

Obviously got out of it last Christmas.

We're driving down to IL's Boxing Day morning (They live 3 hours from us)

SIL (who will be there with her husband and brood) and I don't get on, well I say don't get on, she hates me because I'm with her brother and any attention he or her family spend on me, is less attention on her and her children Hmm

MIL is thick as thieves with SIL but pretends she likes me. It's always so fake, sly and vomit inducing. Will spend the day being nice one minute and then cold and making sly digs the next. Exhausting.

I just cannot be bothered.

I'll get through their front door after a long drive, probably hungover because y'know, Christmas the day before to MIL insisting I help her make the meal. The kitchen will be an absolute tip without any spare surface to actually prep any food on as she's an absolute calamity. The cat will be all over the small amount of available worksurfaces Envy

OP posts:
PleasantBirthday · 09/12/2021 12:10

Well, you don't like them clearly, well, the women at least. But it doesn't sound like you make any effort at all.

User42729209 · 09/12/2021 12:11

Sounds absolutely dire. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you had a positive lateral flow test on Christmas Eve Wink

Asdf12345 · 09/12/2021 12:12

Unfortunately yet again nobody else was able to work this Christmas. You may find your colleagues also have issues covering.

coconutpie · 09/12/2021 12:12

Sounds awful, why are ye even agreeing to go? Let DH go by himself.

Iamnotminterested · 09/12/2021 12:12

I'd send DH with the children if I were you, fuck em, they sound vile.

Gargellen · 09/12/2021 12:15

But you might be testing positive on a LFT OP? You can't possibly go then or does DH want to go?

We're kicking the ass out of Covid for as many years as we can!

Pegasussnail · 09/12/2021 12:16

Oh god. I couldn't do with staying over. I would ask dh to drive back again.
Previous poster must not have read the dirty looks and digs. Of course you couldn't put up with it. Does dh sort the dinner too or is it just the women Confused

Guacamole001 · 09/12/2021 12:16

Just do not go. Simple! Not worth it.

Footprintsinthegrass · 09/12/2021 12:16

It's sounds the dislike if pretty mutual. Honestly don't go, have a chilled day at home, get a sickness bug. Or if you go try and make some more effort, take a board game or deck of cards or a good book for you

ComDummings · 09/12/2021 12:17

Maybe you’re going to develop a mysterious cough on the 23rd

Thomasina79 · 09/12/2021 12:17

If I felt like this I would definitely not go. Life is too short to spend time with people you don’t like and who don’t like you. You have a nice day at home in your own.

Original poster
PostitHositit · 09/12/2021 12:19

@PleasantBirthday

Well, you don't like them clearly, well, the women at least. But it doesn't sound like you make any effort at all.
I actually make lots of effort, constantly try and engage them all in conversation, take an endless interest in their lives, what they've been upto etc, but after a few hours I've exhausted all conversation (We have very different personalities and not an awful lot in common) and just want some peace.

MIL will ask me a couple of Q's, then that's my lot. SIL won't even attempt to do that, I get a frosty hello and that's about it.

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 09/12/2021 12:19

Just don’t go.
If dh insists then he can have a lovely Boxing Day and day after driving down, seeing them and chaos and take the children with him

Meanwhile, you get a lovely 48hrs to put your feet up at home, watch a film, eat cheese, mince pies and mulled wine.

PleasantBirthday · 09/12/2021 12:20

Previous poster must not have read the dirty looks and digs.

Well, I'm assuming there's a good chance that it goes both ways, to be honest, or is heavily filtered through the OP's obvious disdain.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 09/12/2021 12:23

Call them out on the digs. Ask them to say what they mean and get it out in the air.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 09/12/2021 12:23

Just don't go!
Don't go!! Save yourself why bother and they will all be happier without you there it sounds miserable.

Having said that my family were talkers.. All chatters and it's really hard for me as my dh does not talk or make conversations. He doesn't feel as a host any need to make conversations.. My other dd is similarly quite so I can see issues on their horizon with them not wanting to spend Xmas with just "me" jabbering on.

Jacaranda75 · 09/12/2021 12:24

I would plan a treat for when you get home. Get some nice snacks in, a bottle of wine, some chocolates, a bath bomb, something to look forward to.

Then just remind yourself all day that it's not permanent, you'll be home in a few hours.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 09/12/2021 12:24

Op I am not sure my Mil has ever asked me a single question ever.

meh12 · 09/12/2021 12:24

It's really tough, my MIL is fine but she's very self absorbed, it's really difficult to have a two way conversation, she doesn't ask me questions, she just tells me all about her life. I have the same with my dad. It's exhausting pretending to look engaged when you're bored.

HollowTalk · 09/12/2021 12:26

@PleasantBirthday

Previous poster must not have read the dirty looks and digs.

Well, I'm assuming there's a good chance that it goes both ways, to be honest, or is heavily filtered through the OP's obvious disdain.

Oh come on. They don't like her, it's clear. Yes, she doesn't like them - why would she when they behave like that?
LaurieFairyCake · 09/12/2021 12:27

Who the FUCK would ever go to a day like that ConfusedHmm

DO NOT GO

Send Dh - eat chocolate at home with Christmas 🎄 films - if you really must give an excuse then a Covid cough is your saving grace from now until the end of eternity

Snoozer11 · 09/12/2021 12:30

Christmas is all about the children though. Your MIL is naturally going to want to fawn over her grandkids.

We all have family who irritate us but most of us don't resort to a pre-emptive rant about things that haven't happened yet. We just behave like adults and suck it up.

I think your in laws pick up on your bad attitude in their home and I'm not surprised a few dirty looks are fired at you.

Sunsetsupernova · 09/12/2021 12:30

I wouldn’t go. DP spends Christmas with his family and I spend it with mine. No way would I be spending Christmas Day with MIL. We live together so see each other every other day of the year so I really don’t mind not spending Christmas together. Plus we always book a lavish getaway over New Year so I look forward to that a lot more than Christmas.

inferiorCatSlave · 09/12/2021 12:40

Don't go.

If you do go insists on walk out or some outing to cut down on time in house.

Wander off during cooking constantly - though I think it's odd to insist a guest cooks with you but MIL has form for insisting some taks in our house gets started then wanders off and as a result I now wonder off first leaving DH to get stresses out with it all.

Call them out on the digs. Ask them to say what they mean and get it out in the air.

Do this - I ended up doing this when kids were young kids it rapidly stopped - if you remain poltile and even tempered but insistant on explination people do tend to flounder.

Clovacloud · 09/12/2021 12:42

I’m with you OP.

FIL will only talk about himself, for hours and hours he will drone on about work situations from the 60/70/80s. I timed him last time we visited and his record is now 3 hours. Everyone in his family will just let him do it as well, which is just bizarre. You can try and break it by asking what he’s done this week, how various relatives are etc but that will last a few minutes until he can turn the conversation back on himself.

As a result SIL will walk into a room, not speak to anyone and just sit messaging on her phone (she’s in her 50s). BIL (30s) will get into a strop because he’s frustrated with his Dad talking about himself all the time, so will get angry and walk out. All the grandchildren will get ignored by everyone but me, so they resort to hiding in different parts of the house. DH tries to hold the peace by trying to make conversation with anyone who will actually talk, which was usually MIL but she passed away this year.

Rinse and Repeat for 20 years….we might have to have covid this year. I genuinely can’t bear going again.