AIBU to have requested single sex rape crisis therapy?

[IamSarah]

My local rape crisis centre offers a dedicated support group for trans and non-binary survivors and a women's group open to anyone who identifies as a woman.

After a male (presenting as male) turned up in the women's group I requested an additional group for women who were born women. This request was turned down and I was told that group support isn't for me. AIBU?

YABU: You shouldn't need an additional, exclusive group for biological women

YANBU: Under these circumstances, a single sex group just for biological women was a reasonable request

@Helleofabore

To be fair, I think that Pixie is agreeing that what has happened to Sarah is not acceptable.

Yes absolutely! I wasn't talking directly about what happened to OP, just more generally. In OPs situation it seems like the sensible thing to do would have been to ask the women in the group before about their feelings on this topic before this new person joined. If there was in fact a trans group available for this person to join and any of the women in the group felt uncomfortable about the person joining then I do feel that it's reasonable for their request to be declined and the person to be signposted to the trans group instead. Although even doing it that way would raise privacy issues. What if the trans person doesn't want other people to know that they are trans? Then what? It's honestly a minefield and people are so scared to give opinions these days that I wouldn't know where to start if i worked for such a group.

It is a minefield, Pixie, but only if males' wants, needs and feelings are prioritised over those of females'. Sadly, that is where we are.

@VestofAbsurdity what's insulting about the word CIS? It literally means person who identifies as the gender that they were assigned at birth.

Wtaf is wrong with these men?

Anyhoo! I am off now. I have some paperwork to colate before I go in to have a meeting about funding streams and other threats to a number of services.

Thanks for the ideas @Stompythedinosaur I appreciate we don't agree on much, if anything. I do thank you for coming back and adding to your initial posts, either if neither of us had a hope of influencing the other.

It is so seldom happens here, it is a pity. People who disagree with the gender critical perspective, see trans rights where we see womens rights, so seldom even try to discuss anything. Instead they come, fume a bit and wander off only to come back and repeat the process a while later. Honest engagement is much valued.

That's why keeping such services single sex is better. Its a clear boundary and much less "messy" for want of a better word.

Pixie, I don't identify with any gender. I'm just a woman. 'Cis' is part of an ideology I don't subscribe to - it'd be like calling me an 'apostate' or 'heathen' or other word associated with a religion I'm not part of.

@ArabellaScott

Pixie, I don't identify with any gender. I'm just a woman. 'Cis' is part of an ideology I don't subscribe to - it'd be like calling me an 'apostate' or 'heathen' or other word associated with a religion I'm not part of.

If you don't identify with any gender then in theory you'd be non-binary.

Or gender non conforming I think would be the 'proper term'

I think it is probably safe to say that many posters, including the regulars on the FWR board are very supportive of trans people. It is where there are conflicts with those rights and needs of females and children that people prioritise the needs of the females and children over a subset of males.

Exactly.

@Pixiedust138 step away, no... RUN

We may joke about that, but we don't believe it. Gender is qiite simply the name given to our social shackles. It is what defines femininity, proscribes our lives. it is waht feminism rails against.

Sex in binary. It is fact. Giving the root of our oppression another name is pointless. It doesn't change its nature, a rose is a rose, polishing a turd, lipstick on pig and all that!

Yeah, I'm not non-binary. I don't have the hair for it.

I'm just a woman.

If people don't identify as any gender, it is offensive to force them into any 'gender identity' box.

Therefore, someone who doesn't identify as having a gender should never be considered, 'non-binary' or 'agender'. Cis is a word that has been forced to identify as something it is not also. It was a word used in science and never meant to refer to humans.

Using it for people who reject gender is offensive.

@ArabellaScott

Pixie, I don't identify with any gender. I'm just a woman. 'Cis' is part of an ideology I don't subscribe to - it'd be like calling me an 'apostate' or 'heathen' or other word associated with a religion I'm not part of.

This! Excellent explanation. 👍🏻👍🏻

@Pixiedust138 take a look at the recommendations in this report that now have formed the policy at my rape crisis centre.

Note only trans and non binary people were consulted about the policy. Women weren't consulted at all.

Even more infuriating there was no requirement at all for the trans or non binary people who shaped the policy of the rape crisis centre to have ever experienced sexual violence themselves (see induction process section).

survivorsnetwork.org.uk/resource/tnbi-group-report/

[quote Pixiedust138]@VestofAbsurdity what's insulting about the word CIS? It literally means person who identifies as the gender that they were assigned at birth. [/quote]
I was not assigned a 'gender' at birth. My sex was observed and recorded.

I do not believe in gender identity ideology.

I do not 'identify' as anything, I am a woman - an adult human female.

I am not a subset of the sex class I was born.

If you don't identify with any gender then in theory you'd be non-binary.

Again, I do not believe in gender ideology therefore your theory is irrelevant.

Or gender non conforming I think would be the 'proper term'

Stop applying labels to me that I neither believe in, need nor want, it is rude, insulting and disrespectful to do so.

YABU for starting another thread. We’ve had this topic already.

@SweetPetrichor

YABU for starting another thread. We’ve had this topic already.

You weren't obliged to open it, read it and post on it were you.

'If you don't identify with any gender then in theory you'd be non-binary.'

No, thank you.
I'm a woman.
Not cis.
Not non-binary.

W o m a n

Also, forgive me for repeating myself but:
Sex is OBSERVED at birth.
Midwives/doctors/nurses do not ASSIGN sex at north.

At BIRTH.

I believe that OP has clarified on that score petrichor. But thanks for your usual policing of women and their opinions.

What, you're attacking a rape survivor for daring to ask for help? How utterly crass.

@Stompythedinosaur

I think you'll find most NHS employees support trans rights.

Not the dozens of nhs employees I know and work with in the SE.

They're pretty much gagged and silenced to maintain their jobs.

The many I know absolutely support women's rights and are silently signing petitions and campaigning to support the ever dwindling rights that women still have. They're just not free to openly speak about it for fear of the sack.

It would be dead interesting to do anonymous surveys for service users.

I think the fact no one asks service users and its people in privileged positions and lgbt lobby groups who are making the funding decisions in the absence of this thats telling in terms of oppression.

Definitely Red. FairPlay for Women did.

https://fairplayforwomen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/FPFWreportt_19SEPT2018.pdf

What if the trans person doesn't want other people to know that they are trans?

That's not a problem for the women survivors of rape to either sort out for them or help them with.