to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

One thing I noticed with seriously rich (grew up in rich families) is that they tend to be perfectly polite when talking to lower rank people (that is, most people) and as if they are talking to children a bit - it may seem that thy aer being really nice to you but it's pure form and it has a condecending attitude at heart, like being very careful not to appear superior so that not no antagonise / cause resentment.

There aer of course plain natsy rich people who don't boter and just behae in an arrogant / cold way to all but their peers.

My husband treated me to birthday dinner at the savoy a few years ago. We put our best clothes on and it was a lovely dinner. It was obvious who had money and who didn't. The 'special occasion' diners like us were in best dresses and suits, the ones who clearly just see it as somewhere to grab a bite to eat we're all in scruffs, jeans, hoodies.

I have a very wealthy friend who always looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards!

Maybe if that’s something you’re interested in or care about you’ll notice things I guess.

I don’t / am not and a while ago went to some fairly new friends for a meal at their house and was expecting something middle of the road nice, but they had the biggest house I’ve ever seen and 40 acres of woodland 🤷‍♂️

I own land and a fairly sizeable home, but I’m not wealthy.

Whereas I think this is something only wealthy people say!

It's all relative isn't it? I expect you know people a lot better off than you.

I live in a very small rented home in a poverty stricken town. If I fall on hard times, I'm screwed. If you fell on hard times, you could sell your fairly sizeable home and land, purchase outright a much smaller home in a poverty stricken town and live, at least temporarily, off the money in the bank generated by that sale. Because you have that safety net of wealth.

Accent is the great divider here.

No-one really posh would ever have a Northern accent for example. Or cockney. They'd be RP.

One of my best friends is from old money, big landowners, places named after them, I’ve even seen her ancestors’ signatures on historical documents because they were VIP’s.😄

Yet none of her family ( she and her siblings) “look” wealthy, I don’t think they ever felt the need to try, IYSWIM. Someone who saw her in a garden centre would have no idea that she lives in a beautiful house ( a mansion really) and has holidays most people can only dream of. She’s easy to talk to and very interesting, she does have an innate confidence, I suppose.

To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

This perfectly describes the gang of scruffs I had to squeeze past in B&M today. As well as an air of disinterest they also had an air of weed about them.

You wouldn’t know my parents are wealthy, they don’t have a confidence about them, but they weren’t born into money so maybe that is the difference.

Well you can tell who isn't posh round my way and anyone driving a brand new range rover generally fits the bill.

I think I know what you mean. I used to work as a fundraiser in the charity sector, specialising in gifts of aid figures and above.

Some of the people I met through that had a really deep sense of calm about them. They bring a sense of deep relaxation to things.

And then there were people projecting wealth with signifiers and status symbols who don’t have that air. Sometimes it’s other kinds of insecurities but sometimes it’s definitely a front to appear wealthier than they are.

Thank here’s a guy on Tik tok who does a whole series about rich people meeting really rich people and the different behaviours aligned with that.

No-one really posh would ever have a Northern accent for example. Or cockney. They'd be RP

This isnt true. A friend from university is very old money, farming background, boarding school educated. He has a soft but clear Yorkshire accent.

Hairdressers tend to have amazing hair and dance and yoga teachers have perfect posture. Neither are normally very wealthy.
Highly paid professions often have very eccentric and intelligent people who come across as odd, because they are.
DH is a tax specialist and I have worked for him. From that POV you definitely see who's swimming naked (as Warren buffet would say) and there is really no way of telling by looking at some one.

Yeah, always makes me laugh when I see a big fish in a little pond.

There's no need for arrogance, to me that is a sign of limited wealth.

True wealth doesn't patronise.

You can get loads of really nice clothes from charity shops, though. I've got a few bits from Comptoir des Cotonniers, including a cashmere jacket and a silk blouse. Cost me less than mass produced tat from H&M. I wear these with a long skirt (Whistles, fiver from a charity shop) and nice leather boots (I've had them since 2014) and floaty scarf.
I think to get that sort of stuff from a charity shop you have to live in a pretty posh area to begin with.

I look like a tramp and drive an old banger and don't have to worry about money, but I'm not wealthy, just frugal.

I was once sat next to a guy at a fundraising dinner. He was very friendly, confident, charming. Seemed very nice. I’d have guessed well off/comfortable but didn’t scream mega wealth. He mentioned briefly he’d worked in the decorating business.

Early on we realised we had a shared interest in riding. However whereas I meant taking a riding school horse on a hack, he meant polo. It transpired he owned a string of polo ponies (you’re looking at £100k plus for each) had his own pitch at home in Oxfordshire, and basically didn’t work but just played polo all the time.
Towards the end of the evening the conversation moved back to work and he rather sheepishly mentioned the name of the ‘decorating’ company he had set up as a young man and sold a few years before. Farrow and Ball.

I don't think it is about wealth but about privilege. Just an innate assumption and belief that things will go their way because they always have. It's striding through life knowing that you will have enough, be listened to, be protected by institutions and everything will be fine just because of who you are.

Perhaps those who grow up with wealth. They tend to have a confidence and self assurance that I definitley don't possess.

I grew up in a poor , single parent household. We rarely had people over due to lack of money and space. As a family we are very insular as there is just 3 of us. I've done well for myself, but my well meaning mother has never quite got that I didn't want a 'little job' stacking shelves or working in a pub. There was low expectations on us.

OTOH I work with people who come from wealthy families and they all have very good social skills and have a confidence I don't have. I assume it's generations of privately educated relatives which I think can give people an air of cobfidence and self belief. They are expected to get a good job , anything less is alien to them
Combined with the facilities to entertain as a family, that gives you good social skills.
I also think not having to worry about money, along with the social prestige money gives you would make you believe you are better than others which then enhances your view of your own position.
I would also say this group of people are very good at making you feel you're welcome, but there is definitely a secret divide between us and them. They very much keep to their set..

My son's go to a private school and i recently went on a 'mums night out'. Despite all my achievements I felt like a fish out of water. There was lots of wealth signalling type conversations going on, but not from the people who grew up wealthy. The two people who were doing it the most (referencing ski trips, where they live, putting designer handbags on the table) also told me where they originally from which were working class towns.

The mum who grew up in a huge mansion turned up with her hair all over the place looking a bit if a mess , but very chatty to everyone. You would never know ezcpect for her very posh accent.

It can be very hard to tell. We once hired a casual babysitter for our two children. She was delightful and our kids were badgering her to teach them words in her language - can't recall, something Slavic. She spoke perfect English too. She was totally down to earth and no sign of a private school education. One night it was pouring so my husband dropped her off home. She had been a little evasive about where she lived but he recognised the nicest mansion in the area as he pulled up in our rather decrepit car. It turns out that her family had bought the place 10 years before. Her family was seriously wealthy but obviously believed in the children earning their own money, hence the babysitting job.

At my svhool the super rich were well groomed, dripping in labels and super confident.

Don’t believe everything you read on Mumsnet. All different people behave in all different kinds of ways. Money doesn’t provide some kind of mythical aura of confidence and sophistication. I am not British but I come from a family with a lot of money and after primary school they sent me to a boarding school in England that is known for turning out fine young ladies and gentlemen. We all had the “best” of everything — tutors, lessons, sport, music, restaurants, exotic travel, cats, clothes and the best education money can buy. Most of us were confident in our studies and skills. I had a lovely group of sensible friends but plenty of my classmates did not. I have never seen so many eating disorders and daddy issues among the girls and so many of the boys had that special brand of toxic masculinity bred from deep insecurity. Drinking, drugs and casual sex were rampant from Year 9. This isn’t surprising given how many parents barely acknowledged their kids. I was lucky to have a loving involved family and it did make me strong and confident but a lot of my classmates have privately struggled in various ways over the years despite coming from incredibly wealthy backgrounds. You cant tell where someone comes from in any way by observing them the way you do. Rich people are just regular people and like regular people they are all different.

It’s impossible to tell how much money someone has by looking at them. Being brought up with few worries and lots of privileges instils a certain confidence though.

I was brought up by working class parents who had worked their way up and were financially ok. They still had money worries, but we had a nice house, holidays and cars. We ate well and were dressed well. My parents had a very secure marriage and never put any worries, financial or otherwise, upon us. I think this is what has given my siblings and I a lot of confidence. We were educated in the state system in a poor part of the country but my dad was very old school and instilled quite a few airs and graces, such as table manners, speaking ‘correctly’, etc. We were allowed to join various clubs and take up quite expensive hobbies without worrying about whether parents our could afford them.

This marked us out as wealthy compared to our peers. Many of our friends were not as fortunate as us and so we learned to keep quiet about the privileges we had and would switch effortlessly between the local dialect at school and speaking ‘correctly’ at home.

The result of this is that I am perfectly comfortable in most environments and never consider whether I fit in, or have the right to be somewhere or not.

I think it’s impossible to tell how much money someone has based on outward appearances, but it is often easy to tell if someone has had the privilege of lots of confidence building experiences and opportunities.

@DeepaBeesKit

Well you can tell who isn't posh round my way and anyone driving a brand new range rover generally fits the bill.

or anyone who goes on a trip out to a garden centre

I’m still confused as to how you substantiated your assertion they were super wealthy?

I don't think I could tell at a glance but after a bit of a conversation I could.

The difference is when purchasing something. Someone who has never had to budget for anything ever will never have had the experience of going without something they want or need, and it shows.

They may not wear expensive things but if they felt they actually Needed or Wanted something they would get it. If they have the cheaper version of something it's because they chose to have it, not because they were limited by their financial restraints. Someone not ridiculously wealthy will always have something in everyday life they wish they could afford but can't, and it'll get voiced eventually.