to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

Money behind you gives you a confidence that cant be faked

Absolutely agree with this, and absolutely agree with OP.

OP how do you know this family was wealthy?

I think the family you saw are probably "posh" rather than wealthy. Several generations worth of certain knowledge that they are important in the world.

They may be wealthy too, but I don't think it's wealth that gives them this look. Wealth on it's own gives the exact opposite

I’m considered wealthy (13k a month after tax salary) but that's not wealthy for generations and having that confidence!

@Afreshstart2021 Tom Helme?

I always feel a bit sick when I see the posh-pretenders of Chelsea patronise the black man quite often working behind the till at Fermoie, because they don’t realise he’s Martin Ephson, the other half of Farrow & Ball.

Very rich and accomplished people are rarely who you think they are.

I have a rich relative, you wouldn’t know if you met her, she wears 2nd hand clothes, her hair is a bit messy and she doesn’t wear much jewellery. She’s a multi millionaire, owns several properties and businesses (that un themselves). I know several people like her, if I hadn’t been to their houses I wouldn’t have known they were rich.

I do agree though that over all it’s easy to spot a rich person.

@Gearedtoyou

I think the family you saw are probably "posh" rather than wealthy. Several generations worth of certain knowledge that they are important in the world.

They may be wealthy too, but I don't think it's wealth that gives them this look. Wealth on it's own gives the exact opposite

If you are posh you don’t take your family to a garden centre

Some of these posts are very vitriolic, and “better than well off” is subjective, I’ve seen people on her described as well off if they have a family income of 40k a year, I’ve no idea why sone folks ar going on about extreme wealth and billionaires

There is an element of truth however in what the op says, there can be a level of self confidence, self assurance, that comes from having money, and having money doesn’t mean billionaire as such.

But not everyone who has money is identifiable as such.

You do take your family to the Grosvenor estate garden centre if you are posh.

If you are posh you don’t take your family to a garden centre

But if you're wealthy you do? That's why I think posh rather than wealthy. They may come from money but not actually be that wealthy themselves

M first thought was of the very wealthiest people I know, a family where the dad and mum run a small seeming company that exploded in terms of wealth in the 90s. They still work in the factory full time and to see it you would never ever know in terms of the clothes they wear, the car they drive, their house is impressive but wouldn't be in a property magazine. But then I think of various other wealthy people (and them) and there is, yes, that something. I remember being in a house for one of my children's classmates birthday party and I'd never ever seen such wealth- I found out they had three horses at the local stables and a holiday home in Florida for the winter and when one of the kids ran into a spare room there were hunter wellies and louboutins but at the school gates I'd have put them as simply middling!!

(I th think I contradicted my point there, it's an interesting one alright though!!)

I think a lot of wealthy men always look scruffy and a bit rubbish. Look at Steve Jobs, Bill Gates. I assume it's because they don't have to look smart or groomed; they own the company and can get the women, they don't have to "try". A lot of wealthy women are only wealthy because they have married into it so they have to look good to keep their men happy, which is sad really.

DH and I once won(!) a first class flight ticket and hence got to wait in the 1st class lounge. We got chatting to a scruffy looking chap in old jeans, trainers, baggy T. Turned out he was a Canadian philanthropist. His wife was a glamorous model type, think tall, pencil slim, swishy hair, looked immaculate. I don't think she was that impressed with her DH wasting time chatting to us peasants.

more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

I would certainly agree with that. There's often an inverse correlation between the amount of designer labels people own and their wealth. The more you have, the less you feel the need to shove it in other people's faces.

I know someone pretty wealthy (as a client at work) I wouldn't be able to tell from his clothes or his demeanor.
I only know because other people have told me and because he once couldn't get a flight when his football team were playing in Europe so he and some friends organised a private jet.

I don't think it has anything to do with money, it's about authority.

Rich people tend to employ and/or manage people, and make decisions that can affect a lot of people. Just like many senior doctors, for example, or officers in the armed forces, they need to command respect.

Their children learn by example, or they are groomed to assume positions of responsibility.

All these posts on MN about figuring out who's wealthy, who's posh, how to look posh, is it OK to look like working class, middle class, upper middle class etc etc..
These posts make me so sad. There's too much thought and weight put on social status and pecking order. In people in prefer to look for kindness and integrity instead.

I agree. You'll have some scathing replies, but I believe that some people, with a higher level of privilege do act differently. More confident, self assured. Private schools teach this, and social opportunities are different, whether some like to accept it or not. There is a natural confidence, based on never having had or been exposed to any financial concerns I believe.

Obviously billionaires aren’t in the same ballpark but the tv show Succession has it right: really wealthy people wear understated clothes because they’re so far removed from caring what people think about them that kind of fuss is silly to them.

I think absolute nonsense but people watching is fun. Why were you particularly interested in how affluent they were though and how do you know?

@Wrink there's no til at Fermoie, and I've never actually seen the owners working in the showroom, let alone being patronised by someone (I used to go there a lot because of work)

I my experience, old money are usually understated and wear non flashy clothes and drive non flashy cars. With new money you can see expensive clothes and grooming a mile off.
New money has something to prove to the world, old money doesn't care.

There are loads of different types of the very wealthy, they’re not a homogeneous group. There’s the ‘old’ families, the aristos, the self-made through business ones, the showbiz and sports ones, the lottery winners … Some you can spot - often for different reasons - others you’d never guess.

I find very rich people tend to be more hairy. They just seem to have LOTS of hair.

The more you have, the less you feel the need to shove it in other people's faces.

I used to work on Bond St, there are plenty who have a lot & like to splash the cash.