to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

You can always spot certain people visibly relax when they deem that everything is ok, and that we are “one of them”. Particularly notice this when we meet other families skiing or when we’ve been to open days for public schools.

@RazzleDazz1e try being Polynesian! People have no idea where to place you on their hierarchy. They're baffled hahaha.

I think inherited wealth/generations of wealth can be a factor but not necessarily.

Some of the most deeply relaxed and secure ultra wealthy people I met through work were people who made their own money. They felt confident I themselves and their own abilities whilst having some humility about their good fortune.

Whereas I did meet some people from wealthy backgrounds who didn’t have that relaxedness. Sometimes it was emotional and due to parent’s relationships or having bad experiences in school etc. But sometimes they had a sense that they had had no part in bringing their wealth about. But like looking down from a height and realising how far down down actually was.

I think it depends from family to family.

From my experience with ultra wealthy people you have two types. The one who inherited and grew up with passed down wealth. Who tend to look rich/behave rich at first sight and tend to wear branded item with a particular liking for Ralph Lauren. They are usually the most obvious not only based on how they dress but because they have also learned to behave and carry their presence a certain way in public from a young age and that’s a bit hard to not notice.

And you have a good chunk also, usually newer rich who are very much your average joe and who you would have no clue is rich because they have no interest in investing in brands and would much rather wear sweatpants. One of my aunts is on the millionaire side and you would have no clue because she buys second hand everything and while she has a sports car who cost the price of a house collecting dust in her garage she very much drives your average car and in fact was driving an old tatter from the 1990’s until fairly recently just because it was still functional and she saw no point trading it for a newer car. She wears no brands and you would have no clue seeing her or my uncle, how loaded they are. And I know plenty of other very wealthy people like that, who you would never guess are extremely rich because they don’t compete with the Joneses.

On the other hand, you also see plenty of people with a Louis Vuitton bag and branded clothes they got on credit and can’t afford and they are also usually fairly easy to spot and tell apart from the people who can afford to pay for it but chose not too.

@RazzleDazz1e

You can always spot certain people visibly relax when they deem that everything is ok, and that we are “one of them”. Particularly notice this when we meet other families skiing or when we’ve been to open days for public schools.

Regardless of racial origin or dress style the key is how they speak language, parents pay a great deal of money to school their children how to speak in a certain way. The private schools rely to a high degree on overseas pupils, many have mediocre academic ability, with polished language their prospects are greatly enhanced in their home country and overseas.

Trying being from a council estate.😂

parents pay a great deal of money to school their children how to speak in a certain way

Well, that's the myth the aspirational parents of the UK are buying into -- that private school will instill RP and an air of boundless security and smooth self-confidence. Not based in any way on fact, but that's what they believe they're buying.

All the kids I know that are at public school have adopted this weird faux South London accent, sort of. Considering that we’re in Devon it sounds wildly out of place and now when I hear anyone like Stormzy speaking in my head I assume he’s a posh public school boy. It’s weird how accents evolve.

OMG, & I know you actually didn't intend this to be a joke!

I think what the OP saw at the garden centre was a high earner and his family, not 'very wealthy' people

I'd love to meet the titled pearled granny at the nursery though

A woman comes into the supermarket where l work. She's always dressed in old scruffy clothes, muddy wellies and jacket, looks like she hasn't two halfpennies to rub together.
But l've been told by people at work (small rural-ish community, everyone knows everyone else going back generations) that she's minted. Has upwards of 20 horses.
Also, as others have said, some people just have a 'look' about them. Good skin, healthy looking, good haircut, just something about them. I know two people who have a lot of money, and they're the same. Even in jeans and t-shirts, they're 'different'.

@WillThisUsernameDo

All the kids I know that are at public school have adopted this weird faux South London accent, sort of. Considering that we’re in Devon it sounds wildly out of place and now when I hear anyone like Stormzy speaking in my head I assume he’s a posh public school boy. It’s weird how accents evolve.

I can guarantee they'll all be speaking RP when they attend interviews for work or university, or at dinner parties in their 30s. They may be trying to look cool as teens, but they know their real accent will swing things in their favour later on.

Unlike the kids whose real accent is a South London one.

Nope I don’t think you can tell. I have a large personal wealth & hubby is extremely wealthy too and I’ll say 99% of the school mums wouldn’t have a clue. I’m as scruffy as they come & very understated! But I do always smell of very very nice perfume! 😂😂😂

nothingbutsnow Totally disagree? You just don’t see buxom women in Chelsea and Knightsbridge alway skinny! It’s the education they receive that gives them the confidence.

Yes definitely. My factory manager made a comment on how his indoor pool isn't even heated. It made a lot of people eye roll. But then again he also started a meeting recently with 'life insurance aren't you glad you have it from us, one of your colleagues passed away this weekend but its okay because he has life insurance' or something along those lines.

There's a particular expression on their face. I can't describe it but I can instantly tell when someone is posh and/or monied, they don't even need to open their mouth. It's not infallible, though, I look like that now even though I am common as muck because I've been around them for so long. I still have a bit of a northern accent though, which I don't want to lose and at that point they realise I am not one of them. Another giveaway is they never invite you to their house unless you are also stashed and posh. If they socialise with a non-stashed non-posho it will always be at a restaurant or an event. I think it's because they don;t want to go to an pleb's humble abode on a return invitation...I like many of them a lot but there is an unbridgeable divide in terms of being genuinely close...

There is nouveau riche who are assertive to the point of aggression. Look like everyone else but have an attitude that says "look at me. I've made it". Which actually means I have got my money through scamming others, doing nothing online or selling crap to people who already have to much crap.
They are no better than the rest of us, just think they are. Just put them in their place, politely. They can't cope with it... Funny to watch the "breakdown" as their pedestal crumbles.

Some people DO exude charisma. Not by style or possessions but, some indefinable "thing". You don't know what it is, but when you meet them it's THERE!
I think it's about being "easy in your own skin" - not overconfident but simply sure of yourself and who you are.

My husband and I weren’t what most people would class as wealthy until relatively recently (past 3 years) but I didn’t magically become “buxom” as soon as our bank balance increased.

Are poor people all the same? Middle class? No. People are people. A product of a million influences on their lives. Wealthy people are the same. They aren’t a different species.

I think it's from a personal perspective.... I walk around obliviously and think people are equal and tend to get treated the same. I know people who treat some people differently (Bosses, Rich strangely teachers is common) and so see what they want to see. Bit amusing but also a bit sad.

Absolute claptrap

Well off people tend to be the opposite of buxom ime. They're thin rather than busty.

The whole premise of this thread is nonsense. The OP (and other posters) have invented a ridiculous backstory for this family that is based on nothing more than them seeming confident and treading on people's toes.

@Mummabear89

Yes definitely. My factory manager made a comment on how his indoor pool isn't even heated. It made a lot of people eye roll. But then again he also started a meeting recently with 'life insurance aren't you glad you have it from us, one of your colleagues passed away this weekend but its okay because he has life insurance' or something along those lines.

Hang on, so what social class is this person, if that's the main point being debated on the thread?

I'm not wealthy, but there was a lot of land and money in my family in the past. DH likes to say all wealthy people had a "robber Baron" for an ancestor... What I do have is what some might think of as a plummy accent, purely due to my education and upbringing. Not at all Hyacinth Bouquet, I promise. I prefer to investment dress, so don't have loads of clothes but will save up for a decent coat then expect it to last many years. happy to get T-shirts etc from Primark though, or knicks from M&S. My DCs have also got my accent which is quite funny. DD has been asked locally where she is from. She says "here", then they say "where originally"! She has also told me that her friends have said to her "your Mum's posh" which I am not. This happened at primary school, public school and Uni. Posh always makes me think of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang... Port Out Starboard Home - all together now!
Over the years I have been asked to head up all sorts of committees and to be a Governor at a couple of schools. I have been offered every job I have ever wanted, which I took as a stroke of luck, and am now a Company Director of a couple of companies. People have told me that I always sound that I know what I am talking about. Quite funny really. I haven't started to analyse it until reading this thread, but I guess I am confident and happy in myself, and even if my coat is 10 years old it is well made. I have made lovely friends from all walks of life, some of whom are far wealthier than I have ever been, or will ever be, others not nearly so financially fortunate, but loved as much.
When DH gets home I will ask him to sniff the air in case I accidentally smell wealthy, in which case I will light a scented candle forthwith!

@JuicySatsuma85

My husband and I weren’t what most people would class as wealthy until relatively recently (past 3 years) but I didn’t magically become “buxom” as soon as our bank balance increased.

Are poor people all the same? Middle class? No. People are people. A product of a million influences on their lives. Wealthy people are the same. They aren’t a different species.

No, no, hereditary wealth is apparently never buxom. You automatically look like Daphne Guinness.

@HeatingOnHeatingOff

I’m considered wealthy (13k a month after tax salary)

Yet I don’t look wealthy at all. People are very surprised when they see my house as they expect me to live in a bog standard house.

The nursery kept pulling me to one side asking if I was claiming everything I was entitled to and seemed surprised we were over the 16k a year benefit criteria. They then started asking for my national insurance number so they could check if I was entitled to any free hours from 2 years old!

My sister once said to a colleague “if you saw my sister you would never think she had her own business and could afford to shop here at M&S!

I’m not scruffy but my jeggings are £15 M&S ones, tops are cheap simplybe ones etc.

Plus I was brought up on a council estate and I think it shows when I talk to people by the things I say etc.

So now I don’t think you can always tell.

I'm sure you have a lovely life, but you're not really what this thread is about.