To doubt parents who say baby crying for one minute is cruel

[LoathlyLady]

Just read a few posts about sleep and frankly don’t believe some of the responses. People saying that leaving a 12 month old to cry for very short periods (1-5 mins) is cruel and they could never do it.. really??

Ofcourse I find it horrible to listen to my 1yo son get upset but there are times when I simply can’t go to him immediately (car seat!) and recently we’ve found that letting him cry for 3 mins or so at bedtime rather than feeding to sleep seems to help with his overall sleep and mood. Are these people really saying that they never let their baby cry for more than a few seconds? Or is this just bullshit to make other mums feel terrible?

Classicblunder

I think my post was clear that I wouldn’t leave them to cry if I could get to them safely. We took the in the car for hospital visits, family visits, playgroup etc, all beneficial to their wellbeing.

I haven’t guilt tripped anyone, just said I wouldn’t personally use controlled crying. You can only feel guilty if you let yourself. If you’re comfortable with your methods and your kids are looked after and loved, there’s no issue.

I understand the feeling of physical pain when a baby cries. I get it with strangers babies too. But sometimes we have to bear it. For example women cradling a baby in a car to comfort it, rather than having it in the car seat where it is safe. Or putting a baby down so you can have a shower.

At bedtime when baby is well fed, not in pain and confortable in clean nappy I think it's OK for them to cry for a few minutes (less than 5). I think constantly picking them up can cause stress as they never get to be still to try to relax.

There's a real danger of parents getting extremely stressed if pressure is put on them to always stop their baby from crying. Some babies cry and cry, despite their parent's best efforts. If you have a baby like this, and I did, then you literally try everything. So what then, when your baby is still crying? At times I felt totally at the end of my tether. I was sleep deprived, emotional, desperate and still my baby cried. A much better approach is for someone to say, hang on a minute, babies do cry, they don't do much else, they are experts at it!

My advice is to tolerate a bit of crying because often a baby will settle after a bit of crying. If you've literally tried everything and your baby is fed, clean, loved etc., then it's really okay to put your baby down and walk away for a bit. Go and make yourself a hot drink, find a biscuit and take a few deep breaths. Often, after a fractious parent has done this, the baby will settle. Sometimes all the faffing about to try and stop the baby crying, is in fact making them worse.

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

At bedtime when baby is well fed, not in pain and confortable in clean nappy I think it's OK for them to cry for a few minutes (less than 5). I think constantly picking them up can cause stress as they never get to be still to try to relax.

Put much more succinctly than me but we agree completely.