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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want a new kettle for Christmas

175 replies

BeaMends · 06/12/2021 17:11

Would you?

We had our kitchen done last year and I bought a reasonably priced replacement kettle then. It has turned out to be less than great, it leaks a bit when you pour, and the lid doesn't open fully when you press the button to fill it up any more. I've been looking for a couple of weeks for another one, but haven't seen one that I really like yet. Well I have seen a couple, but they have been out of stock.

Yesterday evening DH said could I please not buy anything kitchen-related before Christmas, and I asked him did that include a kettle? He said yes, he didn't really want to spoil a surprise, but wanted to get me a good quality one. Apparently he's found some posh kitchen shop that sells expensive kettles, and he wants to buy one from there. My heart sank.

Thing is... although it's a nice thought, I'd rather not have a domestic appliance as a Christmas present. How do I approach this? The difficult bit is that I can't think of anything else that I want that he could buy instead.

AIBU and being ungrateful, and should let him get it? Or should I tell him that I'd prefer another gift?

Help!!

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 06/12/2021 18:45

He’s your husband, it’s so weird that you didn’t just tell him at the time. My partner hinted that he was getting me an expensive tablet, I really didn’t want that as I already have a laptop and I like to read books in my spare time not use a tablet. I just told him! He actually had to cancel an order that was already on its way from Amazon. But he didn’t mind at all. Why would you worry about being honest with your husband?

Topseyt · 06/12/2021 18:45

@coogee

I’d be happy with a kettle or a toaster. Rather those than useless tat I won’t use.

I do appreciate some people prefer the useless tat though.

Same here, though these days I would generally prefer the chance to choose my own household stuff.

I am not at all interested in jewellery, perfume, toiletries or chocolate (I like it of course, but I am diabetic so need to fairly strictly limit it). Nor do I want booze as presents (for much the same reasons as chocolate).

I've had bread makers, good quality kitchenware (saucepans) and vacuum cleaners for Christmas before. I guided DH on all of them. I love them all and they are still in use years later. I know those things are generally met with derision on here though, but they were fine for me.

I really like getting vouchers for my favourite stores so that I can go and select stuff that I would use. Book vouchers too (prefer Waterstones to Amazon unless only Amazon has what I want).

Just tell him what you would prefer. I always like my family to give me ideas about what sort of thing they would like for Christmas and birthdays so that I know they will enjoy it.

If he is looking at expensive kettles then tell him you would rather choose it after Christmas in the sales when it may well be better value for money. Not for Christmas Day.

slalomsuki · 06/12/2021 18:46

Terrible gift. Up there with the salt and pepper shaker I once got.

I suggest that you unplug it every time you have finished using it and put it back in the box as it's your gift and not for broader family use.

Aprilx · 06/12/2021 18:47

There are some kitchen appliances that I would be happy with as a Christmas present, a kitchenaid, bread maker, yoghurt maker or similar. But a bog standard everyday item, no absolutely not, no matter how posh the shop is.

And I am a big believer in bearing grateful for the thought, I would never exchange a gift, but if DH suggested anything like that now he would be told very firmly. I would find it insulting and sexist to be honest.

pigsDOfly · 06/12/2021 18:48

Well, unless it's going to be for your exclusive use and he's going to go one using the leaky, non opening one then it's not really a present for you is it?

Choose anything else for him to give you, but not a kettle, or any other household item, is a shit 'present'.

UniBallEye · 06/12/2021 18:49

I never get 'tat' just because they're not useful household items though..
I get things that are for me personally as a person and not UniBallEye Mum / housekeeper

I love things like jewellery, perfume, clothes, bags, boots, art, small quirky antique items, a beautiful beaded evening bag, a gorgeous scarf, at a push a really nice scented candle, books particularly about art / architecture (I always have a wish list), voucher for trip away, an afternoon tea somewhere lovely. Somewhat hypocritically I am also very fond of a beautiful drinking glass and they give me great pleasure to use each day.

I would far rather one very beautiful item that brought me joy each time I used it that 10 practical things, and I've always been like that. When dc were very small and a couple of years budgets were tighter, I suggested that we forgo gifts for us altogether rather than waste money on something just for the sake of it.

After first dc was born and I was feeling somewhat shell shocked and slightly lost in motherhood & breastfeeding etc. That 1st Christmas money was tighter as I was on maternity leave but dh went to an expensive department store and bought me an exquisite champagne coloured silk nightdress and it was the most unexpected but thoughtful gift as it was purely for me. It was impractical probably but every time I looked at it (which in fairness was more than I wore it in those early days, it filled my heart with happiness.

I was initially inclined to exchange it for something more everyday wearable but dh said he had specifically chosen it as something luxurious and beautiful and just for me, not me as a wife or mother, just me. I kept it and I still have it 16 years later and I absolutely adore it and will keep it forever.

I recognise that some may consider this list 'tat' but I certainly don't. i prefer my dh to think of me as me rather than an extension of domesticity which, rightly or wrongly house hold hold goods makes me feel...

1forAll74 · 06/12/2021 18:53

You should accept whatever you get gifted, indeed a kettle,if that is what your Husband want's to buy. Things cost money, so you should be grateful for anything,

UniBallEye · 06/12/2021 18:58

Oh @1forAll74 that's a bit of a sad attitude for a gift from your own husband!

I am always very grateful and appreciative for any gift family or friends might give me and I am thankful that people give me anything at all.

But from my husband....nah....I expect some real effort to find / think of something that I would like as he knows me the best of anyone.

I got to lots of touble for him and always get him something he loves, Because I love him and appreciate him and want him to know it / feel it. I woudn't buy him any old thing and expect him to be grateful, though knowing him he would be as he's far nicer than me Grin

Aldehyde · 06/12/2021 19:04

If you're the gardener, how about good quality garden tools, or those generic garden centre/nursery vouchers to buy plants or whatever you want at a range of places (not linked to any one chain so you get to choose).

CatsArePeople · 06/12/2021 19:08

get him a hoover as a present

CatsArePeople · 06/12/2021 19:11

You should accept whatever you get gifted, indeed a kettle,if that is what your Husband want's to buy. Things cost money, so you should be grateful for anything,

If it was a present from a father in law then yes. But from own spouse its a shit present.

altiara · 06/12/2021 19:13

Could you ask him for a really small kettle, because you want to keep it in your handbag (so you’ve got it with you when you go out).

BigFatLiar · 06/12/2021 19:15

Since we married we share finances so if it was expensive it would come out of the joint account. Only small fun or silly presents for us usually.

itspartytime · 06/12/2021 19:16

Read this out to him ' I'm reading this thread on MN where the husband had actually bought a kettle for his wife, what a Wally, everyone knows no woman wants something like that for Xmas , she wants something frivolous' or insert what you want instead of frivolous !

BigFatLiar · 06/12/2021 19:37

@itspartytime

Read this out to him ' I'm reading this thread on MN where the husband had actually bought a kettle for his wife, what a Wally, everyone knows no woman wants something like that for Xmas , she wants something frivolous' or insert what you want instead of frivolous !
What if he says 'A kettle now there's an idea'
averylongtimeago · 06/12/2021 19:40

At least it's not an iron....

DappledThings · 06/12/2021 19:51

@Bluntness100

Jewelry, earrings, watch, necklace, perfume, body lotion, candles, there’s nothing you’d like to have?
I wouldn't want anything from that list.

DH requested a kettle and toaster from PIL last year for both of us. I come from a long line of practical present receivers. Don't think I've ever seen my dad so happy with a present as when his FIL got him a pack of 10 disposable razors for Christmas one year

yoyo1234 · 06/12/2021 20:02

I'm getting DH a toaster for Christmas . Beautiful shiny appliances that go on display. What's not to loveSmile.

yoyo1234 · 06/12/2021 20:04

Oh and the toaster is to match the lovely kettle I have (my appliance pride and joy).

Dogscanteatonions · 06/12/2021 20:07

Oddly enough I bought a new toaster today and days to dp I'd like to get the matching kettle but it was pricey. He laughingly said "I'll get you it for Christmas" then we both had a right laugh as obviously he would never do that as the house needs a kettle not me!

TheGoodEnoughWife · 06/12/2021 20:09

Kettle - crap gift that is to be used by everyone.

It is interesting the things you list as things you would like are different, nice I am sure, things for the house.

The problem isn't that you would like those things, new towels for a recently done bathroom entirely normal, the problem is why aren't those things being bought anyway? Why isn't there a budget for those things? You should be able to have those things alongside a nice personal Christmas present surely?

(There are some household things that are acceptable presents - I had an ice cream maker one year for my birthday as I really wanted one and it is mine! A kettle is not the same)

Chely · 06/12/2021 20:10

I got a set of pans one year, I bloody loved them. That's how rock 'n' roll I am lol

monkeysox · 06/12/2021 20:10

Yanbu that's a present for the house. Not an Xmas treat

NeverEndingFireworks · 06/12/2021 20:11

Hang on @BeaMends you say this is NOT the main present, you are getting a nice bracelet. You have happily accepted household appliances in the past. You just want a surprise present that isn't a kettle. How was he to know that based on past experience?

Sounds like he can't win. I had an exH like that - the gifts represented how much I "understood" him, and he loved surprises. Pressure much? Nightmare.