SIL has now said she can't spend xmas around us

[gloriousgolden]

My husband and SIL (his sister) have a strained relationship and have since childhood. I have always got on very well with her but she has a competitive edge which is draining after a while. She always said we would have weddings/children around the same time but it just didn't work out that way.

We have two children, 4&1years old and they have been trying for their first since June after their wedding in May.

It was agreed ages ago (aug?) that we would host SIL & husband, M&FIL and my parents and siblings, the in laws house is only a mile from us and my family will stay over.

My SIL has messaged tonight and said she can't see us over xmas, it's too hard whilst they're TTC and she can't have our "good fortune rubbed in her face." She's also said she would prefer her parents also decline so they can spend it together.

I haven't responded yet, I completely resonate with not wanting to spend xmas with babies when that is what you are yearning for.

But in between my two children, I suffered an ectopic where I lost a tube, two early losses and a 16wk loss. She knows this, she watched me go through the entire fucking thing. The comment on good fortune has gone around and around my tiny head all evening and I'm pissed off about it, I feel as though she's worded it like that deliberately to hit a chord. I know I do have very good fortune to have two healthy children and I'm so grateful but fuck, the youngest was hard won and I feel as though she's poked the best a bit.

[Bonheurdupasse]

OP

I would suggest that you forward her message to both PILs and graciously tell them to do what they think best.

I think she's gone behind their back so best that they see her message for no deniability.

[ChiefStockingStuffer]

Call T&T and sic them on her. They'll know if she was positive or negative.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

@gloriousgolden

Hold the fucking door - she's home. She says her test results have come back negative but given she only tested yesterday and given the fact she refused to show DH her results, I'm calling bullshit.

She messaged me to ask whether it's ok her parents stay at home with them given the "terrible year" she's had. Obviously I don't want their household up here with potential covid positive so basically the in laws can't see their grandchildren over xmas now.

She's such a selfish cunt, I'm so mad for in laws and for us. I'm firmly drawing a line and just not responding to any of her shit from here on.

Don't be mad FOR the in laws, be mad AT them. PIL had a large hand at making SIL into the woman she is now, and those chickens are coming home to roost.

Personally I'd be all sweetness and light and say I thought it best that PIL did indeed stay at home with them. I perhaps wouldn't add that that was because I regarded them all as pox-ridden potential Typhoid Marys who made me sick atthe sight of them, because - sweetness and light, sweetness and light.

[ChiefStockingStuffer]

I'd also tell your DH he has to make it ultra clear to his parents that if they see her and her husband, they are not welcome at yours for the next 10 days, end of. Because you know she's lying just to prevent you from carrying on with Christmas as planned without her. Selfish cow.

[Cuddlemuffin]

I think you should respect her wishes as she's obviously struggling but I also feel it would be fine to say that her words have hurt a bit as although you appreciate the fortune you've had it wasn't that you went without challenges yourself. It's totally okay to acknowledge her pain but also ask that she acknowledges yours. I do think it's unreasonable to expect your in-laws to also drop out but that's really for you to decide how much impact it will have on your plans.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Have the parents bought her up like this though? Pandering to tantrums and indulging?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

@Fluffycloudland77

Have the parents bought her up like this though? Pandering to tantrums and indulging?

That's my reading of this comment from the OP, posted Fri 10-Dec-21 08:51:24

"Their behaviour through the years has ultimately shaped her into the entitled person she is, and that is on them as her parents TBH, they obviously know that their decision will upset DH."

[TreadLightly3]

Wow, what an utter cow. Hope you and your family have a great day anyway, OP

[Twinkleylight]

If your PIP become really ill or die from Covid because they caught it from her, I hope your dh doesn't let this drop. She deliberately infected her parents so I'd be tearing a strip out of the bitch for that. Stick it on Facebook and really shame her, you have absolutely nothing to lose now. There is no family relationship with this bitch, she is the enemy within.

[CambsAlways]

Totally agree with Annielovesgilbert

[lilly7221w]

Make it clear to the in laws that your children you and their son will be distraught. Tell them you can't see them for ten days.

[Notonthestairs]

I can't believe she'd risk her parents health and leave her husband on his Tod for Christmas - nobody is that self involved surely?

I do think withdrawing from any communication is best. And you will genuinely need to keep away for 7 days.

[Redhotspicywine]

She sounds nasty and self centred. I’m so sorry for your losses OP.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family

[Cameleongirl]

Wow, she’s self-centered! I’m sure you realize now that she’s not your friend, OP, she’s very jealous of you and doesn’t value your family ( your DH and your children)’s feelings at all.

I’d stop making any effort with her from how on.

[LovePoppy]

@gloriousgolden

Hold the fucking door - she's home. She says her test results have come back negative but given she only tested yesterday and given the fact she refused to show DH her results, I'm calling bullshit.

She messaged me to ask whether it's ok her parents stay at home with them given the "terrible year" she's had. Obviously I don't want their household up here with potential covid positive so basically the in laws can't see their grandchildren over xmas now.

She's such a selfish cunt, I'm so mad for in laws and for us. I'm firmly drawing a line and just not responding to any of her shit from here on.

Don’t be mad for the in-laws

They let her in

[Sithee]

What a cow. Given your circumstances with the family business etc. if you need to respond, I would send something bland and mirror what you said before “no need to ask me about your parents, it’s up them to decide what they want to do. Have a good Christmas and we’ll see you next year" or similar. She’s looking for drama to validate her hysterics, don’t give it to her and maintain the moral high ground. Try to put it out of your mind and have a wonderful time with your little family, then go low contact with her next year. Happy Christmas!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

In situations such as these, you are so right to take a step back and away from the drama. My thought when around toxic people is thank goodness I’m not them.

[Phobiaphobic]

They've been trying since June? Oh ffs, she needs to get over herself.

[Phobiaphobic]

Lol, I've caught up with your updates, OP. Your SIL is a narcissistic little drama queen, isn't she? Ignore her. They really hate that. And have a fecking good Xmas with all your family.

[Hawkins001]

@gloriousgolden

Well, in a shit twist of events, due to BIL testing positive before they set off up here two days ago, my SIL and BIL are now isolating pending results of their PCR and therefore we invited in laws to join us for lunch, and I've stocked up on additional food for us all. As much as they'd pissed me about with their change of plans, I'm not having DH's parents by themselves at xmas as it will be rubbish for them and it's unnecessary.

I was in the home office with FIL doing the last pay run today before the xmas break. The office is at in laws, next to their laundry room and MIL came in, on the phone to SIL and obviously oblivious to the fact I was there - I don't usually do the office on a Thursday.

SIL basically hysterical that we will all be enjoying the day whilst they're stuck at their house. Suggested I'd "got my own way" and a lot of bitterness about them spending it with us. My FIL shuffled outside quickly and obviously did the whole gesticulating about me being in there and MIL disappeared fairly quickly 😳

I understand a shit situation has just got worse for SIL but it's made me feel so shit. She doesn't have to feel threatened towards me, I am literally no threat to her at all. My FIL was very embarrassed and suggested SIL needed a good shake, he did say not to give it a second thought but the bitterness in her voice is ringing through my ears this evening. I actually feel like because she can't have a jolly xmas, she wants everyone else to suffer.

Sometimes it's odd with people, when they are hyper competitive,

[maryzx]

@Pegasussnail

Meant to add I would block her number on the phone and social media etc.

Bit difficult if they all work together.

[Pegasussnail]

Oh god I missed that bit

[maryzx]

@Twinkleylight

If your PIP become really ill or die from Covid because they caught it from her, I hope your dh doesn't let this drop. She deliberately infected her parents so I'd be tearing a strip out of the bitch for that. Stick it on Facebook and really shame her, you have absolutely nothing to lose now. There is no family relationship with this bitch, she is the enemy within.

Ridiculous. In what kind of universe do people live in, if they think the answer to a problem is to "tear a strip out of the bitch" and "stick it on Facebook"?

OP, you sound very sane. Like you, I would be doing whatever keeps the drama quota as low as possible.

[Robin233]

Got my negative test back in 19 hours.

[Janedoe1234]

@Twinkleylight wow I bet your Facebook time line is.....interesting