SIL has now said she can't spend xmas around us

[gloriousgolden]

My husband and SIL (his sister) have a strained relationship and have since childhood. I have always got on very well with her but she has a competitive edge which is draining after a while. She always said we would have weddings/children around the same time but it just didn't work out that way.

We have two children, 4&1years old and they have been trying for their first since June after their wedding in May.

It was agreed ages ago (aug?) that we would host SIL & husband, M&FIL and my parents and siblings, the in laws house is only a mile from us and my family will stay over.

My SIL has messaged tonight and said she can't see us over xmas, it's too hard whilst they're TTC and she can't have our "good fortune rubbed in her face." She's also said she would prefer her parents also decline so they can spend it together.

I haven't responded yet, I completely resonate with not wanting to spend xmas with babies when that is what you are yearning for.

But in between my two children, I suffered an ectopic where I lost a tube, two early losses and a 16wk loss. She knows this, she watched me go through the entire fucking thing. The comment on good fortune has gone around and around my tiny head all evening and I'm pissed off about it, I feel as though she's worded it like that deliberately to hit a chord. I know I do have very good fortune to have two healthy children and I'm so grateful but fuck, the youngest was hard won and I feel as though she's poked the best a bit.

Well yikes, what a cow! If any further confirmation was needed you now have it.

Hope you all have a lovely Xmas regardless 🎄🎄🎄

I get that her words hit you hard. She's selfish and only thinking about herself. Sounds like she's going to ruin her parents Christmas too. Deep breath and rise above.
Fine. She's not going to be there. Have an awesome time with the ones who want to be there celebrating with you. Guaranteed, whatever they do they will be thinking of you guys the whole time anyway. Have a lovely Christmas surrounded by those who love you!

It's karma for your sil op. Enjoy your day and forget about her. "got your own way"?! The entire drama was cooked up by her and you were neutral all the way.

This is actually really helpful for you.

You now know exactly who she is and your PIL also know you know. She is bitter and jealous. All of the drivel and self doubt before was all as a result of her manipulation.

She is worse than you thought.

Step away and leave her covered in her own self generated shit. Never get involved in any interaction with her as it’s always an attempt to goad to get you paint yourself as the bad guy.

Keep your dignity and know she has none.

She’s acting like a child and stamping her feet. Sounds like FIL got the measure of her.

Uncanny. My SIL sounds exactly like yours, my PILs exactly like yours. My DH largely let’s it roll off him, but when push comes to shove, for some reason that I just don’t understand even after all these years, they all always end up giving in to her. OR, these days as the situations don’t arise so frequently as everyone gets older, my PILs (who find themselves torn between my DC - their DGC - and my SIL) run themselves ragged trying to be everything to everyone. SIL makes them choose, flexes her muscles, and they split themselves in half trying to appease her and do what they want. It’s really no exaggeration to say that SIL takes up at least 75% of their headspace and time (and money), despite being 1/3 of their children and 1/7 of their DC plus DGC. It’s exhausting just watching it. Don’t know how I’d cope if I had to live it!

I do largely stay out of it. My DC are very lucky to have PILs as their grandparents, and it brings PILs and my DC a lot of joy and good to spend time together. I don’t like or dislike my MIL, but they’ve both been very good to me and my DC and for that they are always my priority.

For me and my SIL it’s 100% down to having been the only DD, spoilt rotten, brothers taught to treat her with kid gloves. As soon as SILs and DGCs started appearing: boom, shunted out of the top spot and she finds it unbearable. PILs pity her for her situation in life, so pander to her. It’s ridiculous. Grown ass woman, jealous of small children taking her parents away from her.

I've just had a thought. What if the PCR is negative? Will SIL then insist on coming up and hijacking plans?

Wow, she is being really nasty op. I'd be rethinking my relationship with her and totally distance myself. I'd also let her know that you heard her conversation with MIL, so she realises that you are aware of how she really feels about you.

What a spiteful cow she is..: she's annoyed so wants everyone else to have a miserable time as well.
I would absolutely let her know that you heard the conversation so you don't have to pretend anymore...

@MyOtherProfile

I've just had a thought. What if the PCR is negative? Will SIL then insist on coming up and hijacking plans?

I also did wonder about this. Let's just hope the results don't come back until at least tomorrow afternoon, to be on the safe side.

And I also agree with the PP who says you now know for sure what this is all about. She is just jealous and spiteful.

As I get older I realise that so much hassle and conflict arises from jealousy. So much more than we expect or imagine. Especially if we are humble people who don't think we are "all that". We can't imagine why other people would be jealous of us, and when we have to endure their jealousy-driven spite, we tie ourselves up in knots looking for other reasons and blaming ourselves.

In that respect your spoilt brat of a SIL has done you a favour because you have to wonder no longer. So there's a bittersweet silver lining of sorts for you.

Hold the fucking door - she's home. She says her test results have come back negative but given she only tested yesterday and given the fact she refused to show DH her results, I'm calling bullshit.

She messaged me to ask whether it's ok her parents stay at home with them given the "terrible year" she's had. Obviously I don't want their household up here with potential covid positive so basically the in laws can't see their grandchildren over xmas now.

She's such a selfish cunt, I'm so mad for in laws and for us. I'm firmly drawing a line and just not responding to any of her shit from here on.

Wow she’s a piece of work. Really sorry op. Hope that you have the best day with your dh and kids - make it about them and you; shut the noise out.

OMG she is awful and getting worse with every post. I am sorry you have to stay civil for the working relationship to continue and not let her have it both barrels.
I don't think people like this can ever be reasoned with as their behaviour is so unreasonable and they will never, ever see it.
I wouldn't be able to help myself saying something to the PIL though, they have partially created this monster.
Am fuming on your behalf but hope you and your DCs and DDogs can have a lovely Christmas. Definitely don't respond to her, the awesome power of the blank is called for.

What a cock womble.

Honestly think you're right. She just doesn't want anyone else to be happy

Yeah not sure how I'd handle that one. I'd probably ignore her. Make sure her parents know the score though. If they see Covid fuck face they can't see you and the kids. Shitty position to put them in. But if you make any suggestions/advise it'll be you getting the stick for it

Have an awesome Christmas with your family.

Once she has DC you won't be allowed to see PIL at all socially as her DC will need to be the centre of their universe!

Been there and done that and guess what SIL doesn't bother with them anymore 🤷🏽‍♀️

She has been trying since june? Sorry but thats not infertility ! Sounds like a drama queen to me

I’d be tempted to say “I heard your spiteful vitriol laced conversation with MIL yesterday. I refuse to ‘compete’ with you in some twisted competition you’ve made up in your head that I did not start nor I didn’t enter. I don’t believe you have a negative test so of course they should stay there with you. I don’t want to risk covid in my home. Enjoy your ‘victory’ you psychopath”

I’m sorry. I think in your position I would be dropping contact from SIL, she is obviously a toxic person if she’s willing to risk giving her parents covid for the sake of getting one over on you. It doesn’t sound like your lives are enriched from having her in them so I would just step away completely.

Chinny reckon did she get her results back and they were negative

Impossible to respect someone with such lack of self-control, such jealousy. To go to such lengths to feed her selfishness.

Leave her to it. And now you’ll see what your PILs are made of, too.

Why on earth has she asked you if her parents can stay at home? Is she showing respect for your….meal planning? Odd

If she only arrived this morning, your PIL are very unlikely to be infectious tomorrow morning, I would suggest they (not SIL) still pop over tomorrow morning for breakfast. What has happened with her contagious husband? Being apart won't help ttc.

Block the lot of them for Christmas and New Year. Have a brilliant time with out them, and enjoy all the extra food you've bought with them in mind. Rude and selfish people.

I'd message her telling her to grow the fuck up she hasn't even been trying for a year. It's normal to take 12-18 months even longer to fall pregnant.
I wouldn't have nothing to do with the spiteful cow after that and your parents in law are just as bad for falling for her crap.

She sounds really jealous of you tbh seems to be clouding her behaviour

Is this out of character for her?

She really is something isn’t she.

I like that message a pp poster.