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Random tragic memory found in my old diary **Content Warning** Title edited by MNHQ
335

cardiologist349275 · 04/12/2021 15:36

Sorry this isn't an AIBU but I didn't know where to put this. I was going through 20+ years of diaries and came across a story my mum told me before she died.

There was a little girl who went to school with my brother. She had a brain tumour. She was extremely unwell but still went to school every day, and one boy was always bullying her and pushing her over in the playground and she would cut her knees open all the time. The teacher was also a nasty bully (this was the 80s so she got away with it for years) and was very cruel to the girl because she had to wear trousers because she couldn't cope with a skirt, but she found the trouser buttons really hard to do up and the teacher would pick on her about it and not help her. She died on the day of the school play aged five.

My Mum was haunted by it and never forgot that little girl who she said was so, so sweet.

To add to the family's tragedy, their other daughter sadly suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and had to live in sheltered accommodation. One day about ten years ago the mother went to visit her, not knowing the daughter was having an episode and had snuck a knife into the flat. She was stabbed to death.

Though I never knew any of these people, I think of them often. Their tragedy has been lost to time, but I think if I remember them then they won't just be....gone.

Does anyone else have any memories of other people that come back to them in a haunting way?

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TenGames · 05/12/2021 13:49

So many that I still think about 30 years on.

A girl in my class at high school had 3 younger siblings. The youngest a toddler. They were playing hide and seek and somehow the smallest got stuck in the tumble drier that then got turned on. Poor poor family.

Boy I went to school with went on to medical school. Quiet studious type. When on a lads holiday 19/20 fell of a high rise balcony after the first night's partying.

15 year old out jogging at dusk knocked down and killed by a cyclist a couple of years older.

1st year high school so 11/12, boy and his cousin went out on quad bike on the cousin's farm. The boy died instantly of head injuries. We was such a gentle soul.

5th former took is own life on the train tracks. Story was his father had arranged a marriage is the old country and beat him regularly.

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/12/2021 14:34

@WhatDidISayAlan

The one that sticks with me is from when I was around 7 years old, so around 1979. We were eating our breakfast and heard a car screech outside on the main road. My mum legged it out of the house, and I remember her shouting at my dad to “take the children into the back room and call an ambulance”.

She ran back inside and I remember her running downstairs with a red blanket. Later in she told us that our paper boy had been run over and had been taken to hospital. What she didn’t tell us, and what I didn’t learn until I was an adult, is that he had died in her arms. He was 13. She also died early, but she and my dad never forgot him, and my dad always lit a candle at Mass when his anniversary came around.

This is dreadfully sad (as are all of the stories on here), but I am so glad your mam was able to do something for that poor child.

If I had been his mother, it would have been a comfort to me in my grief to know that he hadn't died without a loving human touch.
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MrsBobDylan · 05/12/2021 14:40

I am so, so sorry for each and every one of these poor souls who were robbed of life in such tragic circumstances.

We should be thankful today that we are here and take care to live the happiest, most joyful life we can.

And never, never let child abuse go unchallenged.

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wombat1a · 05/12/2021 14:45

Small rural primary school, < 100 kids added 5->11, there was a little girl called Yasmin who at the time I think was only 6 or 7 who had some difficulty pronouncing a few words. The teachers were great with her and even the head used to spend extra time with her to help her progress. Her parents went to see a show in the local city and were killed in a car crash coming back. She never came back to school again, we were told she and her brother/sister were being taken in by her grandparents. I always wonder how she is now - I guess she is around 48 now and I hope she is w doing great.

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NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 05/12/2021 15:14

I still wonder about a girl who was at my primary school, in the 70s called Geraldine, who had really disfiguring eczema. The other kids used to chase her around the playground and throw things at her. It really disturbed me, and of course the teachers did nothing to stop it. I hope she's living her best life now

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ninnynonny · 05/12/2021 15:22

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

I still wonder about a girl who was at my primary school, in the 70s called Geraldine, who had really disfiguring eczema. The other kids used to chase her around the playground and throw things at her. It really disturbed me, and of course the teachers did nothing to stop it. I hope she's living her best life now

The 70's was a horrible decade to be at school and be 'different'. Teachers really didn't intervene or seem to care. I had to be 'tough' and deal with it.
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lollipoprainbow · 05/12/2021 15:26

My much older brother had a best friend growing up who was like one of the family as he was always at our house. I remember vividly coming home from school one day and my mum was in tears, he had been killed laying cats eyes in the road by a lorry driver who just didn't see him in time and he was hit badly in the head. He was gorgeous and has his whole life ahead of him. They played bright eyes at his funeral, my mum was devastated as she loved him as her own. A few years later his cousin was killed cycling through a graveyard, he turned to speak to his friend and bashed his head on a gravestone. We always felt the family were cursed. Just awful.

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Comedycook · 05/12/2021 15:30

Yes it is awful to read how sadistic and vile some of these teachers were.

Not as awful as some of these stories..in fact it's barely comparable but when I was at school in my very early teens, my mum died. One day I was in a lesson, we'd just finished pe. Another teacher marched in and told me to stand up in front of the class. I was then accused of stealing another girls tights from the changing room. I never took them...and I told the teacher that. It was humiliating. Now as an adult, I look back and think if I thought a teen girl who had recently lost her mum was stealing tights, I think I'd show her compassion, not try to shame her.

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EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 05/12/2021 15:34

my mum was devastated as she loved him as her own

There are regions in the US where they talk about your family and your neighbourhood family. They genuinely take people to their hearts as if they were sons, daughters, parents and it's a tremendous source of support and celebration in life and a source of grief when something happens to that extended family. A family friend grieved for the loss of a neighbourhood son who had been a significant part of her life for his whole life, in and out of her home with her own boys.

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6demandingchildren · 05/12/2021 15:41

I think I must of been about 9 as it was when my mum used to send me away for the school holidays and my dad collected me and told me that my friend nichola had been killed crossing a busy road with her brother, her brother was never the same after that and he always blamed himself.

Also I often think of a girl from my junior school I think her name was [redacted] she was stunningly beautiful with curly red hair and freckles but she was always in dirty clothes and was never clean herself, I remember going to her house as she lived near the park and it was bare no carpet or much furniture and I remember a baby in a bouncy chair and ripped curtains, one day she just never came back to school and I honestly hope that her life got better, I have tried looking for her but hopefully she has got married or was adopted so her name has changed.

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ElsieMc · 05/12/2021 15:42

This thread has brought back memories for me. My friend Hywel who got out of his depth with an older crowd at 16 who took a car from a party and crashed into rocks nearby and was killed instantly. Such a tragedy for a young man who was kind and with such promise.

My close friend Pam who disappeared from school one day with no explanation from the teachers. Both parents were killed in a helicopter accident and she was taken to live with family elsewhere. I never saw her again.

Another friend disappeared from Infant School when his dad was shot dead by another family member. We reunited later as some of his family moved next door to us. We spent happy summers playing together.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 05/12/2021 16:28

A girl a bit above me at my 80s minor public school. She was one of very few non-white kids. I’m not aware anyone was racist to her face, or that she was bullied, but there were passing casual racist comments about her. She didn’t seem to fit in, was maybe quite shy, but seemed happy in herself and bright. She died of an asthma attack while at the sixth form ball. I haven’t thought of her for ages, but I felt sad she wasn’t properly appreciated at school - and she never got a chance to build a life where she would have been. She was a very average looking girl, but she has a lovely smile and a peaceful air.

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MistandMud · 05/12/2021 16:36

The 17-year-old ex-boyfriend of a 14-year-old friend, who threatened to kill himself if she didn't go back to him. We all agreed there was no way she should give in to a threat (and we hadn't even heard of emotional blackmail yet). He died of suicide the next day in his car. We were all shocked and appalled but with just a slight edge of 'lucky escape for Becky' about it.

Then I was at my grandmother's house that afternoon when her next door neighbour came round and stood at the door, silent and white, and my tough as boots old grandma leapt up and took the woman in her arms, saying 'Oh Maureen dear, oh my love, come in, my poor love, your lovely lovely lad.'

Same boy.

Even now I don't know whether to think of him as a neighbour's lovely lad or a potentially controlling young man.

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MrsDSalvatore · 05/12/2021 16:43

A girl in my school the year above. I was 8 she was 9. She was murdered by a 14 year old boy. I remember her being missing and how the place I lived felt so dark. I remember the helicopters out at night looking for her and eventually finding her. I'm in my 30s an the sound of a helicopter at night still takes me back and fills me with the same horrible dread I felt back then.

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Comtedemontecristo · 05/12/2021 16:52

Once met a lovely guy in a pub and spent the whole night chatting, we really clicked and I was floating on air. We arranged a date for the next night but he didn't turn up. Of course I was disappointed but found out the next week that he'd been killed on his way home the night we'd met. 40 years ago but I still remember him

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DoingTheBestICan · 05/12/2021 16:58

Not my memory but my DMs, about 1 year before I was born my DMs eldest brother, who had just turned 18 was called into work on overtime.
He worked for the council and there had been a car crash and someone was needed to brush the glass off the road. Duncle had just found out his gf was pregnant and he wanted the cash to buy an engagement ring. It was 2 weeks before Christmas.

Off he went to work, and tragically he was struck by a HGV as he brushed the glass from the road.

My DM, who was 16 at the time answered the knock on the door to 2 policemen asking to speak to her parents, she said she can still hear the cry from my poor Nana and she just kept saying to the policemen, 'you're wrong, he'll be home in a minute'

Nana then stood in the front room window all night looking out for him to walk up the road. I can't stop thinking about the tragedy of it all and my poor Nana & Grandad having to bury their first born child a week before Christmas.

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Cheeseandlobster · 05/12/2021 17:12

Please don't use full names people. Some people might not want their past shared in the public domain and for good reason

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CaputApriDefero · 05/12/2021 17:14

A friend of mine woke up, checked the time on her phone and saw a text message one night from a friend. They were close but he'd seemed a bit down of late and she was worried about his mental state. She'd tried to get him to talk and he would always get snappy about it. But this night he asked if they could talk soon. She said of course, and asked if he wanted to come round for a cuppa the next day, but then fell back asleep. She was early in pregnancy and had hyperemesis so she was exhausted from another day of relentless sickness. She woke in the morning to a good dozen messages where he was professing his eternal love for her and his regret that he never spoke up before she met her partner and he felt he had lost the chance forever now that she was having a baby. Last message said thanks so much for all your friendship and he wanted her to know he loved her until the end. She was alarmed, called him- no answer, called his sister who sent her husband round to his house and found him hanging from the banister.
She lights a candle for him every year on his birthday and still cries when she talks about him.

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84Win · 05/12/2021 17:24

I was very close with my cousin growing up - there was only 4 months between us.
One day, aged around 7, he and his best friend ran out into the road after school. His friend was hit by a car and died in front of my cousin on the road. It affected him profoundly.

Also, my elder brother had a friend who died of a diabetic episode aged 12.

I still think of both of these children regularly, and am paranoid about holding my daughter's hand next to roads as a result of the first incident.

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Bobsyer · 05/12/2021 17:32

This whole thread is grief tourism at its worst. Gossiping about real people's tragedies whilst hiding behind a pretence of "oh it made me feel so sad". I am astounded at the fact that people are being named

Could not disagree more. What a mean-spirited post in amongst what to me seem (in the vast majority) to just want to remember those who have been lost.

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liliainterfrutices · 05/12/2021 17:39

@Bobsyer

This whole thread is grief tourism at its worst. Gossiping about real people's tragedies whilst hiding behind a pretence of "oh it made me feel so sad". I am astounded at the fact that people are being named

Could not disagree more. What a mean-spirited post in amongst what to me seem (in the vast majority) to just want to remember those who have been lost.

I disagree too. I think many people would feel some comfort at knowing that their loved ones were still remembered and thought about.
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orangejuicer · 05/12/2021 17:50

@TheMadGardener no, S Wales.

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Nomoreusernames1244 · 05/12/2021 18:04

When you lose someone one of the hardest things (in my experience) is that the world seems to keep turning while yours has stopped. You feel that your loss is forgotten as others get on with their own lives. I would definitely take comfort from knowing that people outside the family remember him and how unfair the world can be

This. So much this. If my story appeared on one of these threads I would be incredibly grateful that someone remembered, that child whose world stopped that day would feel seen.

In fact every so often I’ll have a quick google to see if anyone has looked for us or tried to find out what happened after we upped and moved suddenly after. But it was the 80’s and pre internet so most who were adults are likely too old to be internet proficient, and children who were my peers to young to remember names and details.

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Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/12/2021 18:40

@TenGames

That tumble dryer story is devastating.

I cannot believe how teachers used to behave it’s sick.

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riverofsweetcorn · 05/12/2021 18:51

As someone who's family story has featured on this thread, I'd just like to say that it actually brings me comfort. I don't see it as grief tourism, or anything along those lines.

Even though my family's tragedies occurred more than 20 years ago, it is comforting to know that those memories live on. Thanks

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