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Original poster

How long can I date without sex?

152 replies

Datingsucks · 04/12/2021 15:16

So I move slowly, it takes me a long time to see if I even like the person.
Let alone to move to more serious business.
I’m also pretty inexperienced so I also want to move carefully.
These times were definetly for me.

So, if anyone has any advices how to navigate this?

OP posts:
StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/12/2021 11:45

@Neurodiversitydoctor

I wouldn't go on a date with someone I didn't want to have sex with. I have been with DH for 23 years, but for me in my youth, date number 2 or 3 really. Not always PIV but a bit of oral/ mutual masturbation, the stuff my grandparents would have called "heavy petting". I wouldn't want to invest much more time unless I knew we were sexually compatible. After 4/5 dates with nothing I 'd consider us "mates".
I think heavy petting was hands in pants rummaging around. Oral sex didn't arrive in the UK until the late 70s. Prior to that you'd need to go to Paris to enjoy that kind of filth.
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/12/2021 11:46

It’s about feeling comfortable and maybe safe with someone your physically attracted to. Nothing else.

This is what I’m like. The thought of someone I’ve known for 4 hours shoving their dick in me makes me feel a bit queasy tbh. Why would a want a random strangers body parts inside me?

I’d rather ot was someone l knew.

StarlightLady · 05/12/2021 12:09

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches - oral was heavily depicted in the murals in Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome. And of course the Romans popped into the UK some time back. 😂.

Lighthearted but true.

I was also brought up in Paris though 💃

crystal1717 · 05/12/2021 13:05

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches
Youre talking absolute nonsense.
My mother and grandmother both did it. Both upstanding MC ladies.
It was a very popular thing to do, especially in the days when piv sex had a stigma attached to it, for the woman.
'Rude not to' as my mother would say. They were saucy as ever in those days. More so than nowadays pp.
I dont know much before 1920 but have family knowledge of 1930 onwards. Mother was young in 60s, grandmother young in ww2.
1920 dances, etc.
1930s 1940s war years. 'What i did with american soldiers for nylon stockings, smirk. Rare to be piv, often oral.
1950s american style dates. Oral in cars.
1960s roaring sixties and mini skirts and free love. Or hippies, who have lots of sex. Free love often didnt mean piv, as underneath it all was still a lot of stigma (wayward girls homes / babies forced into adoption). Free love meant heavy petting and oral.

Every generation thinks they invented sex!

shouldistop · 05/12/2021 13:05

Oral sex didn't arrive in the UK until the late 70s. Prior to that you'd need to go to Paris to enjoy that kind of filth.

You really think no one in the uk had oral sex until the late 70s? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/12/2021 13:07

@crystal1717, I take my hat off to you for asking your granny if she'd ever sucked cock.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 05/12/2021 13:08

@shouldistop

Oral sex didn't arrive in the UK until the late 70s. Prior to that you'd need to go to Paris to enjoy that kind of filth.

You really think no one in the uk had oral sex until the late 70s? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I wasn't being entirely serious.
GiantHaystacks2021 · 05/12/2021 13:09

Wait as long as you want.

However, I think it would be harder to find a man who would be prepared to wait longer than about a month, 6 weeks, 2 months. But doing this will certainly weed out the chancers, fuckboys and dickheads.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2021 13:09

"No.
This has never happened

I'd say that's quite unusual. "

I don't think it's that unusual. Is it about 2/3 of women who've had one-night stands, meaning the others don't?

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2021 13:16

@LittleGwyneth

Would you consider looking at asexual dating? Plenty of people who are asexual still want relationships, and it might make life easier. I think you'll probably find that people who aren't asexual to expect sex at some point, and it's not fair for you to be pressured, or for them to spend their time on a relationship which isn't likely to become physical.
Why the hell should she look at asexual dating just because she wants to wait more than a few dates? OP hasn't said the relationship isn't likely to become physical, just that it will be later on and there is no question of fairness if the man knows the score.
shouldistop · 05/12/2021 13:20

@Gwenhwyfar I didn't say anything about one night stands Confused I asked if op ever wanted to have sex because she fancied someone. You can want to have sex with someone without actually doing it, it's called sexual tension. I was trying to gauge why the op reads like she doesn't want to have sex at all. Or if she just preferred to wait.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2021 13:22

@ronniz

Most pp say third date is for sex.

Do they?!

It's a US comedy thing. No reason to see anything like that as a rule for real life!
Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2021 13:25

"I think heavy petting was hands in pants rummaging around."

I thought it was something that happened in the swimming pool because that's the only place I've ever seen the phrase used.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/12/2021 13:28

[quote shouldistop]**@Gwenhwyfar* I didn't say anything about one night stands Confused I asked if op ever wanted* to have sex because she fancied someone. You can want to have sex with someone without actually doing it, it's called sexual tension. I was trying to gauge why the op reads like she doesn't want to have sex at all. Or if she just preferred to wait. [/quote]
" I asked if op ever wanted to have sex because she fancied someone."

When you wrote 'just because she fancied someone' I presumed you meant something casual. Didn't you?

PegasusReturns · 05/12/2021 13:32

You shouldn’t have any sex unless you want it, but realistically sex is an important part of a relationship and so if you don’t want to have sex you will limit the number of men who want to date you.

Original poster
Datingsucks · 05/12/2021 14:22

Hello and thank you for the answers.

I’ve read now more about demi/asexuals, I think I’m definetly on that spectrum.

It takes me a long time to get comfortable with people, even just meeting new people/making friends, so that’s why it would take me time to move into the physical stuff.

Since I don’t have really any experience, I don’t know how long it would take or how much I’m okey doing.
The dream would be to find somebody nice, have a good stable relationship and the sex would be just an added bonus.

I don’t have any intrest to just hook-up or casual things, or just tick things off the list.
Not what I’m looking for.

OP posts:
Srettel · 05/12/2021 14:54

Do people who have sex after three dates not feel that they are missing out on a whole experience - the experience of fancying someone and having that nice shivery feeling when your eyes meet, or you hold hands?

I would have hated to miss out on that - 'twas lovely.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/12/2021 15:15

Datingsucks you must be an INFJ personality type.

They don’t really do casual sex, preferring relationships and to feel connected to someone before getting to grips.

Original poster
Datingsucks · 05/12/2021 15:25

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Datingsucks you must be an INFJ personality type.

They don’t really do casual sex, preferring relationships and to feel connected to someone before getting to grips.

OMG, how did you know!?

I am indeed INFJ, that is so crazy!

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/12/2021 15:39

Because I’m one and I’m the same. And it’s nothing to do with lack of attraction or asexuality shit.

It’s to do with wanting to know someone before you sleep with them. Which in my eyes is fairly normal. I don’t understand casual sex at all. And because l can’t do it, l felt like a freak in my student days and it seriously destroyed my self esteem.

Why would you exchange bodily fluids with someone you don’t know? The thought makes me feel queasy,

shinynewapple21 · 05/12/2021 16:32

@crystal1717

I think most pp do it this way.

Not according to the responses in here Grin

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/12/2021 18:08

@crystal1717

Most pp say third date is for sex. It's a considered process as follows: I dont go on second date if I wouldnt consider having sex with him (/her). I consciously ask myself this question on date.

I use second date to get to know him. (/her) Also snogging.
I WILL ONLY go on third date if I can literally picture having oral sex with him /her (and are pleased /like the idea.) Otherwise no third date.
Oral is a better test of whether you like the idea or not. I usually glance at his crotch while considering this. Piv is a different matter.

I think most pp do it this way.

Most wont wait much beyond 5th date and it's a bit like stringing them along. Women or men. Pp have limited time.

I think most pp do it this way.

No, they really don't!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/12/2021 18:30

The thought of having oral sex sex on a third date makes me vomit. Why would l want to suck a stranger’s dick and swallow his jizz? It means nothing.

I wouldn’t suck the dick if a guy who sat next to me on the bus 3 times. What’s the difference?

ThePoisonousMushroom · 05/12/2021 18:47

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

The thought of having oral sex sex on a third date makes me vomit. Why would l want to suck a stranger’s dick and swallow his jizz? It means nothing.

I wouldn’t suck the dick if a guy who sat next to me on the bus 3 times. What’s the difference?

And that’s absolutely fine, you don’t have to do it. Obviously it doesn’t make everyone want to vomit though, that’s why they do it.
StarlightLady · 05/12/2021 19:09

Please! Oral is a 2 way thing and the best route to orgasm for many women. It should not be all about male pleasure. And finding out early on, which men are happy to oblige is not to be underestimated.

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