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Original poster

How long can I date without sex?

152 replies

Datingsucks · 04/12/2021 15:16

So I move slowly, it takes me a long time to see if I even like the person.
Let alone to move to more serious business.
I’m also pretty inexperienced so I also want to move carefully.
These times were definetly for me.

So, if anyone has any advices how to navigate this?

OP posts:
santabetterwashhishands · 04/12/2021 20:18

Until the sexual tension becomes too much 🤷‍♀️

Moonmelodies · 04/12/2021 20:22

He might assume you don't fancy him.

crystal1717 · 04/12/2021 20:40

Most pp say third date is for sex. It's a considered process as follows:
I dont go on second date if I wouldnt consider having sex with him (/her). I consciously ask myself this question on date.

I use second date to get to know him. (/her) Also snogging.
I WILL ONLY go on third date if I can literally picture having oral sex with him /her (and are pleased /like the idea.) Otherwise no third date.
Oral is a better test of whether you like the idea or not. I usually glance at his crotch while considering this. Piv is a different matter.

I think most pp do it this way.

Most wont wait much beyond 5th date and it's a bit like stringing them along. Women or men. Pp have limited time.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/12/2021 20:45

I think most pp do it this way

I don’t Grin

strivingtosucceed · 04/12/2021 21:07

I don't think you're Demi sexual or asexual at all OP, you just I have a different idea of sex than most people do these days. A lot of people see sex as just a fun activity whereas others put more meaning into it and either one is fine, you just need to find someone that agrees with your views.

I think you probably have more luck with people that are from a religious background even if they're not religious anymore themselves. But they're more likely to understand waiting before the act than others. I myself would prefer to wait at least 6 months, others would say thats too long but 🤷🏾‍♀️.

PermanentTemporary · 04/12/2021 21:08

'Most people'... this survey says it's the ninth date. I think I've usually lost count by that time...

Gottahavehighhopes · 04/12/2021 21:11

I think as long as your clear that you would rather wait.

My partner was clear that they would take some time, but knowing that really helped. I think I would have assumed she wasn't interested in me or didn't fancy me prehaps?
Talking about it meant I understood what was going on, and was okay with waiting.

Equally I think it gave me a chance to leave if I hadn't of been okay with that

StarlightLady · 04/12/2021 21:17

It’s purely the choice of the individual, there is no right or wrong but you should never go for something you don’t want to do.

Women are the captains of their own bodies.

From a personal point of view, if the chemistry is right, and that can be on the first date or later, that is the time to go for it. It’s not giving, it’s sharing bodies.

My own sister has been married for years and she laid him within a couple of hours of meeting.

SD1978 · 04/12/2021 21:23

When you say slowly- what kind of time frame do you mean? Do you mean all physical touching, or is hugging and kissing earlier. What about being intimate other than sex- or is it that the same? I'd say after three or four dates it's probably a conversation you should be having together in regards to theoretical time frames you see for intamcy as it takes you longer to be comfortable with someone.

MushMonster · 04/12/2021 22:17

Be yourself OP.
Date, get to know them, fall and then all else will follow.
Some men may lose interest, but who cares! You are looking for someone compatible with you.

VestaTilley · 04/12/2021 22:46

For as long as you like. Take it slowly, don’t be pressured.

If he pressures you, you ditch him. He shouldn’t expect sex because you go out for dinner a few times. Go for lunch dates or morning’s at galleries etc if you like for the first few weeks/months as this decreases the likelihood he’d expect to come home with you or you go back to his.

FrodoAteMyRing · 04/12/2021 22:50

Just because most men want to shag as soon as they see you does not mean women have to agree to this!
Women have always wanted to wait longer than men because we have a lot more to lose! (pregnancy)
Wait as long as you want to, and if its a couple months, good! Weeds out some players at least.

Pegsonstrings · 04/12/2021 22:50

Dating isn’t a reward system for sex in return of being a good date. Third date and automatic sex at the end is also ridiculous.

HeadPain · 04/12/2021 23:27

How ever long you want

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/12/2021 23:30

Do you want to have sex at all?

Assuming you do, then just be upfront about what you are after. I’d say 6 weeks to 3 months, depending on how often you see them, would be the limit for most people.

ronniz · 04/12/2021 23:43

Most pp say third date is for sex.

Do they?!

Pickles89 · 04/12/2021 23:49

The way I see it sex could lead to pregnancy (for me, I haven't been through menopause) and I could personally never have an abortion just because 'it wasn't the right time' or 'I didn't know him well enough' and it would be a nightmare to be stuck sharing custody with a deadbeat, so I'd want to be reasonably confident it was a genuinely good guy I was doing it with before taking that step. I could never have a one night stand with a randomer or even after 2 or 3 dates.

StarlightLady · 05/12/2021 05:46

I’m a little puzzled by the view that sex is almost exclusively a night time thing. The first time I’ve had sex with someone new has mostly been in daylight hours.

There is a big difference between having a romp with someone and wanting to wake up with them, with the whole bathroom thing, the next day.

Shoxfordian · 05/12/2021 06:00

Go at your own pace op
If someone really likes you and you explain it’s just taking it slow not disinterest then they’ll be ok with it

Do whatever feels comfortable for you

gindreams · 05/12/2021 06:52

@Pickles89

You sound incredibly judgy and rather smug

EmmasMum12 · 05/12/2021 07:09

Never ever have sex unless you want to

But be aware that your partner might have an expectation of sex happening after X dates.

When expectations aren't met, some people get antsy.

But despite this potential, don't have sex unless you want to

Blossom64265 · 05/12/2021 07:12

Something is seriously wrong when a woman says that she wants to wait until a relationship is serious before getting intimate and posters are telling her she might need a special label for her sexuality. Op, it’s perfectly normal to want to wait to get to really know a person before having sex. There are also people who want to engage in casual intimacy and that is fine too, but you aren’t an outlier.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/12/2021 07:22

I wouldn't go on a date with someone I didn't want to have sex with.
I have been with DH for 23 years, but for me in my youth, date number 2 or 3 really. Not always PIV but a bit of oral/ mutual masturbation, the stuff my grandparents would have called "heavy petting". I wouldn't want to invest much more time unless I knew we were sexually compatible. After 4/5 dates with nothing I 'd consider us "mates".

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/12/2021 07:23

As for the pregnancy comment -WTF this is 2021, not 1921 no women needs to get pregnant unless they want to.

AgathaAllAlong · 05/12/2021 08:28

This demisexual thing is utter nonsense. Only feeling sexually attracted to people you know is a completely normal dating and sexual pattern, it isn't something you "are" and it isn't a deviation from the norm.

The term exists, in my opinion, to enforce the (perceived or desired) current cultural trend of sleeping with people you don't know so well. Which obviously is also fine, and in no way deviant. But it's only a cultural trend, what's normal for us here and now. It's not the only way of doing things, and you don't need a label if you're not like that. Fast fashion is also a cultural trend, you're not demifashionable if you prefer to buy fewer pieces.

(Don't read into the metaphor, I'm not saying that sleeping with people earlier = sleeping with more people or sleeping with worse people, my point is just that not fitting into a cultural tend, especially one that lots of people don't engage with anyway, does not warrant a label)