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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off my husband lost his wedding jacket?

459 replies

Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 03:09

He went on his Christmas do and not only did he decide it was on to walk home 2 miles in not the best weather (I still can't believe his friends would let him do that) but he lost our wedding jacket, that does make very, very pissed off/sad.

OP posts:
Bushkin · 04/12/2021 08:51

There’s a much bigger problem than the jacket…

Why are you with such a man child that needs ‘looked after’ on nights out? Can’t get a taxi? Loses valuable things? Needs collected at 3am? Falls off boats? Loses driving license?? What example are you setting your children @Terribleluck?

I like a drink as much as the next person but no chance I’d tolerate that behaviour

EmeraldShamrock · 04/12/2021 08:52

It's probably at the venue.
Echoing others it was his responsibility getting home safely.
Sense goes out the window when drunken people make decisions.

Jumpingintochristmas · 04/12/2021 08:52

@Terribleluck

The "blaming" the friends only comes from them knowing him when he's drunk. He's fallen off boats when drunk and got himself in fairly dangerous situations, so if I had a friend who behaves that way, I would make sure he makes it home safely.
I’m sorry you are having a crap time but if I had a friend like this I wouldn’t go drinking with them, he sounds like a liability!
Skysblue · 04/12/2021 08:53

Yabu, he didn’t lose it on purpose.

If I lost something that held sentimental value for me, I’d be upset if DH had a go at me about it. When things go wrong for me I expect support from my spouse, not blame.

deliwoman1 · 04/12/2021 08:54

Nah, this isn't about a jacket or losing keys or even pissing away a bonus. It's about him being a bit of a prick consistently when he's drunk while she doesn't get to do the same. It's frustration and irritation that he's weak and easily peer pressured as a grown man, and then that his behaviour has an impact on her, albeit a slight one.

It's not controlling, it's just relationship dynamics. This is OPs bugbear about her husband. She simply doesn't like this aspect of his personality, and I can empathise because I don't like men whose personalities (and priorities) change radically dependent on who they're with either. It is somewhat off putting to be with a grown man who is so desperate to be liked and accepted socially that he succumbs to peer pressure and acts like a bloody clown at the first available opportunity. Grow a spine! And while your friends or colleagues can't 'get' you drunk, if you're a man like that, they can enable you in the worst way, and take advantage of that desperation to fit in/be liked. And it's fucking human to be pissed off at them for making the situation worse, even if it's not their responsibility to parent him.

Good luck, OP. Life might be less annoying when he's genuinely too elderly for that shit. But do stop harping on about a stupid jacket and work out what is really upsetting you about your husband. It's the only way you'll come to terms with it.

Cupcakeschocolate · 04/12/2021 08:55

If it was before the wedding the yanbu but as its after I couldn't even get worked up about it. We got married I semi normal clothes too. I got rid of the dress years ago. Wouldn't fit me now anyway after 4 kids. And I don't even remember what he wore but definitely wouldn't fit him now!

Sn0tnose · 04/12/2021 08:57

I think he sounds like a bit of a dick when it comes to drinking and you are blaming the wrong person. If he has had the police out twice, fallen off a boat and needed to be carried up to the bath, then the solution is for him to grow a fucking backbone, stop acting like he’s 14 and bending to peer pressure and reduce his drinking to the point he can actually handle it. It is not his mates responsibility to make sure he is safe. It is his.

I see why you’re annoyed about the jacket. It’s got sentimental meaning to you and he’s not treated it with care simply because he can’t hold his drink. I think you just have to tell yourself that eventually it would have torn, or become threadbare or got too small. It has just happened sooner rather than later.

The bonus thing I would be really bloody annoyed about. If it’s only 2 miles, I’d be asking him to re trace his steps and see if he’d dropped it anywhere, while you phone the venues he went to and ask if it has been handed in.

Da1sycha1n · 04/12/2021 08:57

@Terribleluck

He's completely passed out do how is this the silent treatment? It's not like we can have a conversation. I'm not pissed off he went out, but that he changed what we had agreed on. I was supposed to go and get him around 12, not try to figure out where he was at 3 in the morning.
Missing the point a bit, but if you couldn't go because the babysitter cancelled how were you going to be able to go and collect him? Were you going to leave the kid(s) asleep?
Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 04/12/2021 08:58

LOL. Only on Mumsnet. Op posted she was pissed because DH lost his jacket. 7 pages in and she's now got in her head that she's married to a dysfunctional alcoholic, who is probably having an affair, but definitely works for an illegal company that pays their staff with little brown envelopes. Christ almighty Grin

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 04/12/2021 08:58

I wouldn't be too bothered about the jacket itself but I would be with someone who wasn't adult enough to look after their car keys and a large amount of cash

But I think you have a good chance of getting it back if you go out and look now

Sn0tnose · 04/12/2021 08:58

@deliwoman1

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

accentdusoleil · 04/12/2021 08:58

Can you see how much money he spent on online banking or do you think he spent the cash bonus ?

I'm aghast that anyone gets a cash bonus nowadays. Is it a tiny company?

If he did lose it, let's hope someone who needs it found it . Could really help someone this Xmas.

But the jacket, meh. Get a new one in the NY sales.

Maybe he should stay in hotel or with friend next time he goes out

AllThatGlistensIs · 04/12/2021 08:59

Goodness me what a tale. You must be exhausted, living with someone getting into all these escapades all the time 🙄

saleorbouy · 04/12/2021 08:59

Call back to the venue and see if it's there, it's probably hanging on the back of a chair!
He's hardly likely to have started a striptease on the walk home....

godmum56 · 04/12/2021 09:01

I'd have a bit of a gentle conversation with him though about "friends" who like to get him drunk because he becomes a clown because they don't sound like friends to me.
But wedding jacket??? "our" wedding jacket? I mean if he bought into that then why did he wear it? Are you sure you didn't foist the idea onto him? because its a bit U

Da1sycha1n · 04/12/2021 09:01

@Terribleluck

Yes, I did. I was awake anyways and it's not really that safe to walk these roads especially when drunk (and I think he could have got lost, the shortcut to our home is through a foresty bit).
Aaah, so you DID go and collect him.

Where were the children (that were going to be babysat so you could also go out, until the babysitter cancelled) while you went to collect him?

And how did you know to go and collect him - you said upthread that he wasn't answering his phone....

Wolfiefan · 04/12/2021 09:02

I have no idea where my husband’s “wedding jacket” is. I couldn’t get that worked up about an item of clothing!
But a man who goes out and gets so shitfaced he falls off boats and loses a bonus and has lost his licence in the past? Yep that I would find unacceptable.
It’s not about his work colleagues. It’s about his binge drinking. That I wouldn’t accept.

AncienneEtudiante · 04/12/2021 09:04

I think you were being a bit odd about the jacket if I'm honest. But sometimes we do get attached to things and it's sad when they get lost.

I think he was a total eejit for losing his bonus though! I wouldn't be happy with him.

Da1sycha1n · 04/12/2021 09:05

@Terribleluck

It turns out his car keys are in said jacket :/
Well it doesn't really matter does it, if he's lost his licence anyway. Surely the car is a bit surplus if it's just his, if it's yours as well you've Still got your keys.
ChargingBuck · 04/12/2021 09:05

@Terribleluck

The "blaming" the friends only comes from them knowing him when he's drunk. He's fallen off boats when drunk and got himself in fairly dangerous situations, so if I had a friend who behaves that way, I would make sure he makes it home safely.
When you said "lost his licence", did you mean in the same way as he lost his keys, xmas bonus & jacket ... or did you mean he was given a driving ban?

He falls off boats, needs 'friends' to see him home, makes poor decisions, puts himself in danger, & it seems like a constant anxiety for you, just waiting to see what he does next -
It might be petty I'm not sure, but I almost feel like I can't have a stretch of time without having to worry about something else.

It's not petty OP.
This jacket it the least of your worries OP. Forget the bloody jacket & focus on the man. How often does he get steaming drunk like this?

Da1sycha1n · 04/12/2021 09:07

@Terribleluck

And he also lost his Christmas bonus :/
Pretty sure the jacket and Christmas bonus were both lost at either the casino and/or strip club he'll deny going to...
Gilly12345 · 04/12/2021 09:07

It’s a jacket, I thought originally he had lost his wedding ring.

BlusteringBoobies · 04/12/2021 09:08

Ohhhh Mumsnet Bingo with mention above of casino or strippers.

Don't think we've had drugs or prostitutes mentioned yet?

PoleFairy · 04/12/2021 09:11

My FIL lost his wedding ring on his honeymoon Grin that's annoying!

It's a jacket! Even I, a hoarder of sentimental things, can see it doesnt matter! It will be out of fashion one day/not fit him anymore or eventually when you pass away it will end up in the charity bag it's not important

OhRexy · 04/12/2021 09:11

Does anyone else really want to go out drinking with the OP's husband? I mean he's clearly a liability but he does sound fun.