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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ enabled for each other?

308 replies

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 02/12/2021 19:05

I know this isn’t really an AIBU. Discussion with a friend.

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ (or similar tracking app) installed so you can both see where each other are?

Interested to see views!

YABU: don’t be silly, that’s really intrusive and unnecessary.

YANBU: it’s perfectly normal, especially if you have kids.

I’m somewhere in the middle, depending on circumstances, although we do have ours turned on most of the time.

OP posts:
MimiDaisy11 · 03/12/2021 06:00

I don’t have it but at the moment we’re home a lot so a bit useless but I was just thinking of a sad case of a teenager who died of exposure when passed out with alcohol and I was thinking how it could have been prevented if parents could have seen where they were. Though I guess most teenagers wouldn’t like their parents to know where they are.

NatalieH2220 · 03/12/2021 06:07

Yes we have it and I generally use it to find out when he has left work so I know if to eat together or not 😂 I have no idea if/when he tracks me.

I also have it for my mum, my sister and my dad so it's pretty normal for us.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 06:08

@Missrabbitt no we don’t have small children. We did once though, before tracking each other was possible and we still all ate together.

scarpa · 03/12/2021 06:24

Absolutely not. We've got no need to be able to know where the other is at any given moment.

icedcoffees · 03/12/2021 06:38

Nope. I'd find it really creepy if someone could see where I was at all times, partner or not. There's something really weird and Orwellian about it to me.

icedcoffees · 03/12/2021 06:41

@Missrabbitt

Also interested in why it is ‘controlling’ to merely have it enabled if you aren’t using it to change anything about the person’s behaviour?

Fully accept that it could be used as a tool to control a partner in an abusive relationship in the wrong hands.

Because if someone knows they're being tracked, they may change their behaviour without realising they're doing it.
Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 06:43

Does this tracking enable you to see where a person has been afterwards or just where they are ‘live’ at the time?

maddy68 · 03/12/2021 06:43

No but I do send a live location if I'm coming home by myself in the dark

cloudtree · 03/12/2021 07:08

I think it says more about the relationships of those who would find it creepy and controlling. How is it controlling if everyone agrees and uses it. If you have a relationship based on trust why would you mind your husband/wife knowing where you are.

It’s a lifesaver with teens

ChristmasCrafter · 03/12/2021 07:18

Yes we have it on. The main reason being that I ride horses and am quite often out on my own, so if I don't return from a ride when I say I am going to, he has a way of checking where I am in case I have fallen off. Thankfully, we haven't had to use it in those circumstances yet but I frequently check his location to know when to start getting dinner ready.

Vbree · 03/12/2021 07:19

We have each other's pin/Apple ID so can use find my iPhone if we need to. Haven't ever used it but it's nice to know we have it for emergencies.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 03/12/2021 07:27

We share location with google maps, its useful to see how far away one another are from home, and my partner can see where I am when I'm out for a run.

I did catch him in McDonalds once lol, wasn't looking for him, I was searching for an address for work related purposes and saw his little dot nearby.

Theluggage15 · 03/12/2021 07:32

No. Seems really odd. We just text or phone when it comes to saying where you are, don’t need a tracking device.

icedcoffees · 03/12/2021 07:49

@cloudtree

I think it says more about the relationships of those who would find it creepy and controlling. How is it controlling if everyone agrees and uses it. If you have a relationship based on trust why would you mind your husband/wife knowing where you are.

It’s a lifesaver with teens

Because I don't need an app to show me where my husband is. I just find it a very weird idea.

I trust him 100% but why does he need to be able to see where I am every second of the day?

sammylady37 · 03/12/2021 07:58

How did families ever eat dinner together before the advent of this technology?

SW1amp · 03/12/2021 07:58

Some of the replies to this are Mumsnet 101 - “it doesn’t fit my world view therefore I’ll dismiss ALL others who take the opposite opinion as ‘creepy and weird’”

“I don’t have dinner ready so therefore everyone who does is strange”
“I don’t do any exercise outdoors so everyone who does is ‘controlling and creepy’”
“I don’t drive a long commute when I don’t want to be replying to messages so if anyone does ‘that way madness lies’”

The small mindedness is alive and well!

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 08:04

The small mindedness is alive and well!
It's not small mindedness. It's just replying to a thread in AIBU on MN, where opinions have been asked for...

SpinsForGin · 03/12/2021 08:09

@SW1amp

Some of the replies to this are Mumsnet 101 - “it doesn’t fit my world view therefore I’ll dismiss ALL others who take the opposite opinion as ‘creepy and weird’”

“I don’t have dinner ready so therefore everyone who does is strange”
“I don’t do any exercise outdoors so everyone who does is ‘controlling and creepy’”
“I don’t drive a long commute when I don’t want to be replying to messages so if anyone does ‘that way madness lies’”

The small mindedness is alive and well!

Absolutely! And to assume people have trust issues is just bizarre!

My friends ( who are a family) had life 360 installed and they added me to their circle when we went on holiday together as it was really useful when we were driving long distances in separate cars. We've just kept it .... it's no big deal.

My DH added it when I travelled to China alone with work as an added safety measure. Again we kept it as it come in useful. We don't check it every second of every day and there are no trust issues!

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 08:15

It just seems there's a split, there's those that feel it's unnecessary and those that feel they couldn't possibly live without it.

I am in the former category, there's a few situations described where it might be useful to turn it on for perhaps, but on the whole it's still a no from me.

SpinsForGin · 03/12/2021 08:18

It just seems there's a split, there's those that feel it's unnecessary and those that feel they couldn't possibly live without it.
I disagree.
Most people have says their find it useful. Not that they couldn't live without it. For us it's an app that gets checked occasionally.

It's not something we desperately need but it's good that it's there 🤷🏼‍♀️

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/12/2021 08:19

Absolutely not! Getting an alert when leaving the office so you can put dinner on! That just sounds bizarre to me

Supposing I fancy a quick drink with a colleague or a mooch round the shops?

Didn’t do it when I had teens either. I’m on a
Uni FB page and lots of people are tracking their adult kids at uni. Madness.

Disintegration1985 · 03/12/2021 08:19

We have it installed. DH works night shifts and walks home at 3/4am so it gives me peace of mind that I can see if he's on his way.

Similarly, if I'm walking home from the bus stop after a night out etc. I'll text him but I feel better knowing I'm trackable.

Tbh both of our lives are fairly boring so it's not like either of us is likely to discover anything salacious!

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 08:21

@SpinsForGin

It just seems there's a split, there's those that feel it's unnecessary and those that feel they couldn't possibly live without it. I disagree. Most people have says their find it useful. Not that they couldn't live without it. For us it's an app that gets checked occasionally.

It's not something we desperately need but it's good that it's there 🤷🏼‍♀️

The reasons they find it useful vary greatly in importance.
PainAuChocowhat · 03/12/2021 08:23

Yes. And I have half of my friends on there and vice versa. Helped the time my friend got drunk, lost her phone and got very upset at the idea that someone might have access to photos of her little girl. Turned out it she’d put it in the wrong handbag and it was currently sitting at our other friends house so provided some peace of mind quickly & easily.

Also friends who don’t live in London when they come to visit “I’m at the tube station we agreed to meet at!” Technically yes, but a different exit - stay there and I’ll come find you. Easy peasy.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 08:23

@BigSandyBalls2015

Absolutely not! Getting an alert when leaving the office so you can put dinner on! That just sounds bizarre to me

Supposing I fancy a quick drink with a colleague or a mooch round the shops?

Didn’t do it when I had teens either. I’m on a
Uni FB page and lots of people are tracking their adult kids at uni. Madness.

OMG I could not have coped with tracking DS1 at Uni. Shock 4 years of trying to establish where he was and what he was doing? Are they checking they're going to lectures and home at a reasonable hour? What are they wanting to see?