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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ enabled for each other?

308 replies

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 02/12/2021 19:05

I know this isn’t really an AIBU. Discussion with a friend.

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ (or similar tracking app) installed so you can both see where each other are?

Interested to see views!

YABU: don’t be silly, that’s really intrusive and unnecessary.

YANBU: it’s perfectly normal, especially if you have kids.

I’m somewhere in the middle, depending on circumstances, although we do have ours turned on most of the time.

OP posts:
Singinghollybob · 03/12/2021 09:50

No, would have no use for it. If either of us needs to know when to put dinner on then we text or call and ask the person

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 09:59

How did people manage before mobiles!

On the few occasions I've forgotten to take my mobile out with me I have found it quite liberating. No interruptions, nobody could get hold of me-it was quite nice.
Except when I couldn't use the App for Pay to Park. had to get cash out and everything. Grin Now that App I do find useful.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 10:02

The vote for 'YABU: don’t be silly, that’s really intrusive and unnecessary' stands at 58%.

45redballoons · 03/12/2021 10:07

It's interesting to me that so many people are saying 'just text if you want people to know where you are'. The point is that my DH wants to know where I am and it's usually when I'm otherwise busy so I wouldn't answer him.

We used it for running so he could see how far behind him I was but I've stopped running, and because he used to pick me up from work and I couldn't see where he would park from the office and traffic would be terrible so I could go outside just in time. It was also very useful when I had a flat tyre that I couldn't change and he was cycling to help so I could see how long he'd be.

I changed phones though and the app no longer works on my phone. Since WFH and not running we haven't seen a need to find another way of doing it, neither of us has suggested it. So it really doesn't feel like controlling to me at all. It was just useful. Some people might not find it useful but I did, and it certainly never stopped either of us going where we pleased and when, it just meant we didn't need to respond to anything.

Missrabbitt · 03/12/2021 10:56

@sammylady37

How did families ever eat dinner together before the advent of this technology?
What’s the point of this? Humans managed to cook food and eat dinner before ovens were invented but I use one because it’s a lot easier to bung some sausages in there than roast a pig over a campfire. Am I just being lazy and ridiculous?
yaboreme · 03/12/2021 11:01

Yup. Don't use it often but I have a habit of losing my phone and DH can ping it for me to find it.

Also useful when he broke down, I could see exactly where he was.

I don't see the issue, but whatever you feel comfortable with I guess?

PrincessPaws · 03/12/2021 11:47

@cloudtree

I think it says more about the relationships of those who would find it creepy and controlling. How is it controlling if everyone agrees and uses it. If you have a relationship based on trust why would you mind your husband/wife knowing where you are.

It’s a lifesaver with teens

Not really, we have a great relationship and trust each other implicitly, as a result there is absolutely zero need for either of us to be able to log on and see exactly where the other is at any given moment

I do understand why people would use it for their children though

Peaplant20 · 03/12/2021 12:48

Yes I find it super handy. We know when each other will be home for dinner etc. My dad has it too and tracks us when we’re on our way over so he can open the gates for us to park on their drive ❤️ I also used it once when our with a friend for lunch and we figured out she’d left her phone in her car. Very handy!

FooFighter99 · 03/12/2021 12:56

I asked DH to share his location with me (via google maps) when he bought a motorbike

It's also handy when he's out shopping so I can unlock the gates for when he gets back

I don't check it regularly though, because I trust him implicitly

I also share my location with him, not that he gives a shit where I am though Grin

PooWillyNameChange · 03/12/2021 12:58

We don't have it but wouldn't mind. We have the same code on our phones. We both work from home but I think it would be good when one of us goes out so the other doesn't worry if things go quiet. I really wouldn't care if it were on all the time.

OrlandointheWilderness · 03/12/2021 13:00

No. I wouldn't like that at all. I've been in controlling relationships and it would be a bit close to that for me. I'm not up to no good but I'd find it a bit intrusive. Plus I have no curiosity about where the bf is, if I want to know I'll ask him 😂

sammylady37 · 03/12/2021 13:12

*Today 10:56 Missrabbitt

sammylady37
How did families ever eat dinner together before the advent of this technology?
What’s the point of this? Humans managed to cook food and eat dinner before ovens were invented but I use one because it’s a lot easier to bung some sausages in there than roast a pig over a campfire. Am I just being lazy and ridiculous?*

I thought the point was obvious, but in case not, I was commenting on the number of people who say they use FMF to find out what time to have dinner ready for. And I idly mused on how such a thing was possible before the advent of this tracking technology.

I don’t think your analogy is in any way relevant or similar, given the vast difference between your scenarios of roasting an animal on a spit and doing sausages in the oven. In the case of tracking technology, a simple, easy alternative is someone texting ‘leaving now, home in 30-40 minutes’. Using invasive tracking technology just so you know what time to put the dinner on seems to me to be using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, when there’s a reasonable alternative and when the potential consequences are so minor (dinner being ready too soon or not on time) 🤷‍♀️

DickMabutt73962 · 03/12/2021 13:25

All of you checking the app so that you now when to put dinner on, does a 'leaving work now' not do the trick? Surely that's quicker and easier than you having to check the app to see if the dot is on its way?

And how does this work? Do you have a set time to check? And how many times do you check if you're waiting on them to be 'on their way' so you know if you 'put dinner on'? What if you check and see they're only just round the corner?

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 13:27

What if having being tracked all the way home the person arrives to their dinner on the table but doesn't want to eat at that time? It's all a bit regimented for me.

LutherRalph1 · 03/12/2021 13:34

We have it, mostly so DS can see when DH is almost home and prepare to hide and jump out on him

SpookyScarySkeletons · 03/12/2021 13:35

All 4 of us are on it on iPhone as an apple household.

It's mainly in case one of us loses our phone or if it is stolen. Although also used to check DD has managed to catch the bus on time as she's too embarrassed to call me in front of her friends!

DickMabutt73962 · 03/12/2021 13:37

@sammylady37

There is no way I would tolerate this intrusion into my life.

For those who are saying they use it to know when to put the dinner on:

  1. Why can’t your DH just text when leaving work with an ETA? And yes, I appreciate that such a text won’t take ‘live’ traffic situations into account but it’ll give you an approximate time which leads me to
  2. Dinner doesn’t have to be served up immediately on someone’s arrival home, or within an exact time of them arriving home. If they texted as in point 1 above you’d have an idea to within 30 mins of their arrival time and surely they can wait 10, 15, 30, even 60 mins for it. They won’t starve to death in that time. The Hunger Strikers lasted more than 60 days.
  3. It all seems a bit ‘1950s pipe and slippers waiting’ to me, with a modern technological slant.
Oh I see someone has already asked this question 😂 and yes I agree with your sentiment on the whole thing but couldn't quite put into words. God forbid dinner isn't ready at the exact temperature when your husband walks in the door!
mumofmunchkin · 03/12/2021 13:38

We have it on for each other. DH is a teacher and leaves school at different times every day, it's really useful to be able to check if he's on his way home yet if I'm getting dinner or if the kids are being little bums. I don't think he often checks me where I am on it, as I'm normally home before him. It also helps sometimes if we're meeting up somewhere and either of us can see if the other is a couple of minutes away or going to be another 10 mins (relevant if you're sat in the car with 3 kids going bananas). It's just a practical tool for us.

mumofmunchkin · 03/12/2021 13:41

The dinner thing... it's not about having dinner piping hot and on the table for just as he walks in the door, it's that I'm having to time dinner around 3 kids and their activities and hunger levels, and it's useful to know if I need to plate his up at the same time or if he's likely to be eating reheated food later.

Yes, he could text when he leaves work with an ETA, that would work too. Or I can just look him up on tracker and see if he's left. I don't see either of those options as being better than the other, just different choices.

DickMabutt73962 · 03/12/2021 13:43

The thing about "just send a text" is that it needs somebody to remember to send a text

Or equally for someone to remember to check the 'find my' feature? Or is it only important that the women one waiting at home to make dinner remember?

luverlybubberly · 03/12/2021 13:44

I don't track my teens and I didn't track my h.

Xmasprrssiehelp · 03/12/2021 13:45

I would find it really intrusive, as would he. We have nothing to hide and rarely go out anyway!

I have downloaded WalkSafe app which has security features built in to let your contact know you have arrived somewhere safely. I was going to use it for the first time, new company office party, but it’s been cancelled

sammylady37 · 03/12/2021 13:46

@DickMabutt73962

The thing about "just send a text" is that it needs somebody to remember to send a text

Or equally for someone to remember to check the 'find my' feature? Or is it only important that the women one waiting at home to make dinner remember?

Surely a person who is holding down a job is capable of remembering to send a text?
JustLyra · 03/12/2021 13:46

Or equally for someone to remember to check the 'find my' feature? Or is it only important that the women one waiting at home to make dinner remember?

This.

Same with people using it for teens. If teens don’t have the manners to send a text when they’re running late or the likes then relying on Mum to check up isn’t teaching good habits for the future.

sammylady37 · 03/12/2021 13:48

The dinner thing... it's not about having dinner piping hot and on the table for just as he walks in the door, it's that I'm having to time dinner around 3 kids and their activities and hunger levels, and it's useful to know if I need to plate his up at the same time or if he's likely to be eating reheated food later

If you’re already plating up 4 meals, surely it’s not that much time/effort to plate up a 5th? I don’t get why checking someone’s location round be such a handy feature for this reason.

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