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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ enabled for each other?

308 replies

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 02/12/2021 19:05

I know this isn’t really an AIBU. Discussion with a friend.

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ (or similar tracking app) installed so you can both see where each other are?

Interested to see views!

YABU: don’t be silly, that’s really intrusive and unnecessary.

YANBU: it’s perfectly normal, especially if you have kids.

I’m somewhere in the middle, depending on circumstances, although we do have ours turned on most of the time.

OP posts:
Deisogn · 03/12/2021 08:24

Yes, we all do abs use it loads. It's far better than disturbing someone while they are driving. If DH has gone to get DSC I can see how long until he gets back and can have dinner ready. If we lose our phones we can ping each other's phones. DH once left an iPhone in a taxi and I could remotely wipe its data for him. We use it for teens to know where they are or at least where their phones are!

Alpenguin · 03/12/2021 08:27

We have find my phone on so our daughter knows where we are at all times. She gets very scared and anxious if she doesn’t know where we are so it helps alleviate her anxiety.

It’s also good to know how far away he is when my partner is coming back with a takeaway when we’re all hungry.

SpinsForGin · 03/12/2021 08:29

The reasons they find it useful vary greatly in importance.

And what's wrong with that 🤷🏼‍♀️

GalaPie · 03/12/2021 08:30

I have my dh, our adult dc and my sisters on it.
It started when the dc were teens and travelling to school from our very rural home on somewhat unreliable school buses, then carried on when they started driving along our horrendous country lanes. This was pre-what3words so the only way I could have pinpointed them after a breakdown or a crash.
I do t know how the sisters ended up on it, but it doesn't particularly bother us. They know if it looks like I'm in Ann Summers, I'm really in Home Bargains next door 🤣🤣

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 08:31

@SpinsForGin

The reasons they find it useful vary greatly in importance.

And what's wrong with that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Nothing. Everyone on here is giving their opinions. Confused
gannett · 03/12/2021 08:32

Really can't imagine tracking DP or being tracked by him. If we need to coordinate timings we can communicate with actual messages. The idea that when your partner is out of the house, or out of your sight, is a cause for anxiety and worry is also bizarre to me. I just don't assume that if DP is out and about something untoward will happen to him.

Had no idea Find My Friend was a thing until some friends of ours came back to our house after a restaurant meal for a few more drinks. One of the guys got a phone call from his wife who'd seen he was at ours rather than the restaurant, and gave him a screaming bollocking over the phone. It was very uncomfortable, and she's since made him cut off a social circle of friends he's mostly known since university. So in my experience there's definitely a link between FMF and a controlling relationship.

garlicsaucey · 03/12/2021 08:33

I use it to check when partner is on his way home so I can get tea/dinner ready. He works late and I'm starving by the time he gets home. I want to know if I should eat alone or wait for him. It's quicker than texting 'what's your eta' everyday.

BigButtons · 03/12/2021 08:34

Yes and for all 6 of my children too. I like it that my partner knows where I am.

rainbowandglitter · 03/12/2021 08:36

No. I've never even considered it. We're both grown ups. Not sure why we'd need to be tracked

SW1amp · 03/12/2021 08:40

@Sparklingbrook

The small mindedness is alive and well! It's not small mindedness. It's just replying to a thread in AIBU on MN, where opinions have been asked for...
No one has asked for opinions on whether having an app installed signifies ‘madness’ or makes someone ‘bizarre’

But because someone can’t imagine it being appropriate for their exact circumstances, there are dismissing it for every single person out there

That’s the definition of small mindedness - being able to view the world through any other way that the narrow prism of your own existence

Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet · 03/12/2021 08:41

Yeah, we both have 'share my location' switched on on Google maps now. DH was keenest first that he switched his on so I could see where he was, when he goes into London etc. I held off for ages because it felt weird, but after Sarah Everard was murdered, I decided it was just another little step to making me feel a bit safer if I'm walking alone etc.

We don't look at it very often, and so far neither of us have used it against each other or anything! Grin I don't know, maybe we will switch it off again at some point.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 08:45

@SW1amp, I have read the thread with interest. I think people are entitled to have an opinion and if they think something is 'bizarre' or 'madness' why can they not state that?
Some are saying they couldn't imagine having it, some are saying they couldn't imagine not having it. So neither can understand the other point of view making everyone small minded presumably.

It could be that some people that started off thinking it's bizarre madness have read some of the responses and changed their minds and are rushing to download the app as we speak.

OhGiveUp · 03/12/2021 08:46

Ugh no. I've never had anything like that. My DH is rarely in the UK anyway so it would be a waste of time.
Even if he was, we wouldn't have stuff like that.
If someone really needs to tell you that they're on their way home then a quick call or text is sufficient.
How did people manage before mobiles!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/12/2021 08:50

@Alpenguin forgive me if this is out of line as I obv don't know your DDs situation .... but could the constant tracking actually be fuelling the anxiety. Isn't it better for her to eventually realise that nothing bad will happen despite not tracking you and her dad's every move?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/12/2021 08:52

@Sparklingbrook weird isn't it! A few of them post in the middle of the night "my DD isn't at home, she's at a random address" .... well yes, they've moved out, they've made new friends, they're in a different city! It just fuels anxiety and misery IMO.

MRex · 03/12/2021 08:54

I know roughly where he is all the time, it would be pointless. While it could theoretically be helpful if he crashed his bike, he often doesn't take his phone when riding. I usually ask his route, so if he didn't come back I'd know he needs to be looked for in the park or by the river etc. He knows roughly where I am all the time, so also pointless.

Kinsters · 03/12/2021 08:55

Yes, I often use it to check what time DH will be home as traffic can be very variable and I like to know how long I have left alone with our toddler/when to have dinner ready. It's also handy when he's on his bike as he can't update traffic changes etc.

DH has my location but usually forgets it's available to him and when he does try it often doesn't work which I can't figure out.

My sister and I track each other as well. I'll sometimes check and see if she's home before I call her or if she doesn't pick up

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 09:01

[quote BigSandyBalls2015]@Sparklingbrook weird isn't it! A few of them post in the middle of the night "my DD isn't at home, she's at a random address" .... well yes, they've moved out, they've made new friends, they're in a different city! It just fuels anxiety and misery IMO.[/quote]
Lol at 'random address'. Grin God forbid they make some friends that don't live with them.

When my son first started at Uni I read something saying not to be getting any ideas of staying in his bedroom in halls on a blow up bed to make sure he was finding his way around for the first fortnight. Because parents do actually try to do that.

maofteens · 03/12/2021 09:03

No never occurred to me. Did try and convince the kids to have it and was fun tracing my sons progress on a field trip, but he took it off as soon as he figured out how. I'd quite like to have it with my daughter who goes to school in central London on the train. But not a partner, no.

TokyoDreaming · 03/12/2021 09:06

Hell no, just like he doesn't know my phone code and vice versa.

ButtercupBlue · 03/12/2021 09:06

Yes. We have Life 360. I installed it when DS1 got his first phone and started going places on his own for a bit of peace of mind (and because I know what he's like for losing / misplacing / forgetting things.)

DH then got the app too so now we're all in the same 'circle' which means if we want to we can see where each other is. I have alerts set up for DS1 for when he leaves / arrives at home, school or his dad's house. When DS2 eventually gets a phone, we can add him to it too.

It's not foolproof because DS1 has run out of data before now and I've been worrying he's missed his school bus but actually it's just that the app can't update! But it's been really handy in other situations, particularly since DS1 will often promise to message when he sets off /gets somewhere but then often forgets.

It's handy for knowing if DH is stuck in traffic on his way home without expecting him to call / message when driving. I know a pp said surely it doesn't matter if tea is late / not ready / reheated etc and we're not a 'tea on the table when I get in' family but the kids do have clubs etc after school which means that things do need to happen in a certain time frame / order some evenings in our house.

I've never thought of it as controlling or worrying in any way though obviously I can see how it could be abused but in that situation, surely it's not the app that's the problem, it's the relationship? It's also easy enough to by-pass as like I've said, if data runs out / is switched off for battery saving reasons or if you turn off location on your phone then it won't work.

We've found it really useful in a few instances now so I'm glad we have it but if DH had initially said he didn't fancy the idea I wouldn't have thought that was suspicious or put any pressure on him to get the app. It's a personal choice and it works well for our family.

coogee · 03/12/2021 09:11

If someone really needs to tell you that they're on their way home then a quick call or text is sufficient.
How did people manage before mobiles!

That’s part of the problem. My husband doesn’t really ‘do’ mobiles so a quick text or call is something that wouldn’t occur to him to send or look out for. Location sharing is automatic and doesn’t require any input from the other party.

I can see occasions where it might give rise to some anxiety. Until recently I had an Android phone and the Google location sharing could be miles (literally) out. The Apple alternative is much more accurate which is peace of mind when I am out for a run.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/12/2021 09:17

@Sparklingbrook 😳😳 staying on a blow up bed in their uni halls!! 🤣. I feel a bit neglectful now, dropping DD, then leaving her to it after an hour or so to meet her new flatmates!

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 09:25

[quote BigSandyBalls2015]@Sparklingbrook 😳😳 staying on a blow up bed in their uni halls!! 🤣. I feel a bit neglectful now, dropping DD, then leaving her to it after an hour or so to meet her new flatmates![/quote]
Yes we did too. Stuffed all of his belongings in the room and left him to it with his new flat mates.
I can't imagine sneaking back after dark with my air bed and pump. Grin

SpinsForGin · 03/12/2021 09:45

How did people manage before mobiles!

Well clearly they managed fine but we have them now so people's behaviours change 🤷🏼‍♀️

It doesn't mean it's creepy, madness or that you don't trust someone. It's just something some people use.