Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ enabled for each other?

308 replies

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 02/12/2021 19:05

I know this isn’t really an AIBU. Discussion with a friend.

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ (or similar tracking app) installed so you can both see where each other are?

Interested to see views!

YABU: don’t be silly, that’s really intrusive and unnecessary.

YANBU: it’s perfectly normal, especially if you have kids.

I’m somewhere in the middle, depending on circumstances, although we do have ours turned on most of the time.

OP posts:
blowtheroofoff · 02/12/2021 22:29

Definitely not. Neither for me, DH or the kids. I would find it weird and instrusive and I definitely don't want to helicopter the kids on their movements

GTAlogic · 02/12/2021 22:32

No. I don't even have my location switched on most of the time so even if we did share our whereabouts he wouldn't be able to see me anyway!

I don't want to be tracked and followed. I don't want someone, even my dh, to know where I am all the time. I asked dh and he feels the same.

PrincessPaws · 02/12/2021 22:46

God no, completely unnecessary. If someone needs to know when the other leaves work we phone or share our location for that specific journey (eg a long one involving potential motorway delays). Otherwise it's just creepy and controlling to track your partner

Chattercino · 02/12/2021 22:48

No. And I think it's very controlling.

ShatteredDream · 02/12/2021 23:01

No, I wouldn’t like it used on me and wouldn’t expect dp to either. I do use family link on the kids phones and can check their location if needed.

beautifullymad · 02/12/2021 23:04

Yes. The whole family have it. I say to them, track me so you know where I am.

I track them so I know when dinner should be in the table.

Anyone is free to turn it off. Everyone has their own choice in this.

LadyCatStark · 02/12/2021 23:13

Yes we have all our Apple devices on Find My IPhone so that we can, well, find them. It’s no good losing your phone and not having it switched on because you need your phone to switch it on! Mind you it hasn’t worked for DH’s AirPods that he has recently lost 🤬. The only time I ever look at it to check where DH is is if I want to know whether to put tea on and can’t contact him. He’s welcome to turn it off if he doesn’t like that. I only check DS’s if I need to pick him up from somewhere different after school.

coogee · 02/12/2021 23:18

No. And I think it's very controlling.

Or it could be a sensible precaution. I run alone mainly off roads in the countryside. I want others to know where I am.

Pileonsally · 02/12/2021 23:36

Wow!! Im surprised so many people have to have tea as soon as hubby gets in!

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2021 23:37

@Pileonsally

Wow!! Im surprised so many people have to have tea as soon as hubby gets in!
Me too. We get in from work then decide what we want to eat later, and sometimes one of us goes back out to buy it. Grin
GTAlogic · 02/12/2021 23:44

Sparklingbrook

Pileonsally
Wow!! Im surprised so many people have to have tea as soon as hubby gets in!

Me too. We get in from work then decide what we want to eat later, and sometimes one of us goes back out to buy it.

Same at ours. Sometimes we just sort ourselves out and eat different things at different times!

SalmonEile · 02/12/2021 23:56

We have it, it’s useful if one person is traveling and the other wants to check if the one is ten mins away (keep the kids up to say goodnight) or an hour (put the kids to bed now) scenario but it’s only used in a “hm wonder if they’re nearly home and should I do X” type situation
Nothing controlling or weird about it if the trust is there between partners to begin with , but for me if my partner has taken the kids out and I want to see if they’re on the way back/stopped off at McDonald’s whatever - the difference between ten minutes and thirty can be a whole thing I need to get done

LizzieSiddal · 03/12/2021 00:03

Nothing controlling or weird about it if the trust is there between partners to begin with

Exactly! Its only controlling if a partner is insisting you have it switched on. If it’s a mutual agreement it’s the opposite of controlling.

Missrabbitt · 03/12/2021 00:03

@GTAlogic

Sparklingbrook

Pileonsally
Wow!! Im surprised so many people have to have tea as soon as hubby gets in!

Me too. We get in from work then decide what we want to eat later, and sometimes one of us goes back out to buy it.

Same at ours. Sometimes we just sort ourselves out and eat different things at different times!

I take it you don’t have small children? We do and we all eat together so it’s really useful to know when to expect them home without having to update by phone (especially while DH is driving). It doesn’t have to be the instant they walk through the door but say I’m cooking something and have got about 10 mins left on it and I see his quite far away still then I can turn the heat down etc. Maybe we’re doing parenting wrong but the kids are not their best selves when hungry so best to get some food in them ASAP.
Missrabbitt · 03/12/2021 00:12

Also interested in why it is ‘controlling’ to merely have it enabled if you aren’t using it to change anything about the person’s behaviour?

Fully accept that it could be used as a tool to control a partner in an abusive relationship in the wrong hands.

NumberTheory · 03/12/2021 00:14

DH, two kids and I all share location on google. It's useful for all sorts of minor things. DH and I use it most with each other to time dinner for when the other gets in. If I ever want to not be tracked I turn it off. We've not had any issues. DH has never mentioned if I've been somewhere I haven't told him about, has never asked why it wasn't showing my location while I had it turned off. And I've never asked him. I pretty much only use it to see when he'll likely be home.

With the kids it's really, really handy for meeting up and when they're a little older it'll be handy for knowing things are going to plan. Then we'll have to move to treating them like DH and I treat each other.

plominoagain · 03/12/2021 00:16

Yes . DH and I both drive around 200 miles a day each and often can't take personal calls , so it's easier to gauge when we're likely to be home .

Kids are on it so we know which trains to collect from if they've gone to the gym etc after school

SarahJeffers341 · 03/12/2021 00:22

@ShirleyPhallus

No, that way madness lies. What’s it actually for? The very minute possibility that one of you gets snatched by a hooded stranger and then you can track them with FMF? Or the more realistic possibility that you don’t 100% trust your partner and just want to check up on them during the day.

I’m sure there will be hundreds of posts saying “oh I absolutely trust my partner, I like to have it on just in case….” but I really can’t see the point. I’d find it quite intrusive to have it on myself too.

Modern technology is wonderful but just because you can doesn’t mean you should

Weird reply! I use it as a safety thing. You hear about people going missing all the time so there’s no harm in it. I believe my partner when he says where he is going but if he were on a long drive it’s good to know he’s safe. Also I can check for timings for dinner etc without ringing whilst he’s driving. Nothing to do with trust.
PickAChew · 03/12/2021 00:27

Hell. No. DH will share his map with me if he's on his way home from a long, non-routine day out and will text me if he's late from something routine.

I text him to put the kettle on if I'm out and half an hour from home.

DdraigGoch · 03/12/2021 00:39

Not quite the same thing but when I still lived at home I used to use a sport tracking app when cycle commuting. It was more for recording my performance but one day the local news reported that a cyclist had been hit by a car on a road I used at a roughly similar time, my parents checked the app and could see I'd arrived safely.

I could see the use of this sort of app for the 'getting dinner on' and 'finding each other in a shopping centre' situations related above, however in a controlling relationship it would be problematic.

SingingSands · 03/12/2021 01:00

I'm going to be totally honest. Yes, we all have it, because we are all nosy bastards in this family.

Even worse, I'm sure some of you will be horrified to know, is that I find it comforting. I like knowing that DH or a DC can see where I am, and I like seeing where they are.

It's entirely by mutual consent, for all of us.

LefttoherownDevizes · 03/12/2021 05:49

Forgot to add it has been hugely useful when 2 off the DCs at various times after starting far away secondary rang me over an hour away asking where they were and how to get home.

One of them had got the wrong bus and was in a really random bit of our town centre, the other had taken a wing turn and was in the middle of an estate where all the roads/houses were the same. One of then was so distressed they couldn't even describe to be what they could see to help them.

Both times as soon as they realised I knew where they were they relaxed immensely. I could then talk them through putting themselves right.

When you work an hour and a half by public transport away from your kids it has been very useful.

No concerns about DH tracking me, not sure he knows how to use it tbh, and I rarely use it for him, and always for cup of tea and or food related purposes

Nat6999 · 03/12/2021 05:52

I use the android version for ds when he goes on his train travels as he goes alone & I like to know where he is.

garlictwist · 03/12/2021 05:56

No. I don't like the idea of it and can't explain why really. It seems very intrusive.

I had a day off yesterday and went to the Lake District. Didn't tell other half and he hadn't asked how I spent the day. Not that it's a secret as such but my point is sometimes it's nice not to tell people where you are all the time.

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 03/12/2021 05:59

Yes we both have it! It gives me peace of mind that he can see my location if needed. I'll use it sometimes if I'm picking him up or making dinner.

It's just a practical tool for us only used occasionally. We have a healthy, laidback relationship, but I can understand peoples' concerns about it in a controlling relationship.