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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so upset my child has to wear rainbow laces to play rugby?

379 replies

Rainbowlaceshelp · 02/12/2021 16:39

Just as the title says.

My child came home today and says they have been given a set of rainbow laces for thier rugby boots for the game at the weekend. To show that they are inclusive.

I'm very very upset and angry that I am now being forced to confront this issue.

I have no objection to showing solidarity for gay and lesbian people. It is precisely for this reason I object to being strong armed into rainbow compliance by Stonewall who grow more homophobic by the day.

What can I do? Should I just get over it, conform and keep quiet? I don't want to make my child appear as though they 'hate the gays' when it's in fact the total opposite.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 02/12/2021 19:37

If you wish to raise this as an issue I would definitely approach it as a 'Stonewall support the inclusion of transwomen in women's rugby and I can't support that on safety and inclusion (of women) grounds.'

Lovelyricepudding · 02/12/2021 19:37

@eurochick

How on earth can do many people on this thread have no idea what Stonewall is? Even if not aware of the details of the current controversy I would expect all adults to be aware of them for their valuable past work on gay rights.
Though these days Stonewall likens being same sex attracted to being a racist and they need to overcome their prejudices....
Tilltheend99 · 02/12/2021 19:38

Putting Stonewall aside for one minute, whenever I hear parents ranting about ‘the gays’ in front of their children I think they have no idea what their child’s sexuality might be because they would be too scared to let you know knowing full well what your thoughts are on the matter.

ScreamingBeans · 02/12/2021 19:40

*hettie

Could someone kindly direct me to the anti lesbian rhetoric published by Stonewall?

they won't be able to because there isn't any -*

Nancy Kelly clearly stated that lesbians who didn't want to sleep with people with penises (previously known as men) should examine their societal prejudices. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-57853385

Lesbians have been told forever that they just need to meet the right man, get a good seeing to from the right prick, to realise the error of not wanting to sleep with people with penises (previously known as men).

This is homophobia however you dress it up. Stonewall no longer believes in same sex attraction, it has re-defined homosexuality as same gender attraction.

foxgoosefinch · 02/12/2021 19:40

hettie you could also look at Allison Bailey's website about her court case, to see what happens when Stonewall decide to pressure your employer into getting rid of you, because you are a lesbian with the "wrong" opinions about whether you should be expected to sleep with men.

Lovelyricepudding · 02/12/2021 19:40

ChiefStockingStuffer can you link some studies on actual suicide rate in the UK? We know (from Tavistock) that it is very low for trans kids. Or is this a rehash of the abusive 'do as I say or I will kill myself'?

LastStarFighter · 02/12/2021 19:42

I am bisexual.

I would strongly object to this on the grounds of forced compliance, and the links to Stonewall (the current organisation, not the flag of the historic political movement).

If it were me personally I would passively protest. Maybe something like one black lace and one white lace. But that’s probably a bit much political context for a 12 year old to take on!

Tabbydancer · 02/12/2021 19:45

I’d feel my kids were being used and object to the school.
(and we have gay godparents and gay siblings in our family so not homophobia)

waltzingparrot · 02/12/2021 19:46

But they aren't just shoelaces. In this case, they're a political statement that the team are being told to make. And we've seen where forced political statements in sport end at the very top - Quinton de Kock, South African cricketer, thrown out of the national team for not taking the knee. Bullied/blackmailed into taking the knee to get his place in the national team back - nothing to do with his ability to play sport at the highest level.

Lovelyricepudding · 02/12/2021 19:50

The number of posters on here saying 'if she doesn't want to proclaim a political message then she could just not play the game' but then still not realise how exclusionary and authoritarian this 'inclusive symbol' is....

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 02/12/2021 19:50

I'd not be happy with this. I think I would complain to the appropriate body as it would not be fair to get your child to be the only one who doesn't wear new laces.
Let's face it, the kids don't care about the cause for any of these things. It's all about collecting the bands, laces or various other consumerist gimmicks.

foxgoosefinch · 02/12/2021 19:52

they won't be able to because there isn't any - the transphobic/homophobic attacks on Stonewall are quite something to behold on this site!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57281448

You're welcome!

Kelley above arguing that if you are a woman (lesbian) who doesn't believe men with penises are women just because they say so, and that lesbians can have penises, you are just like a racist or an anti-Semite.

After an outcry about this, Kelley later amended this to saying that people who rule out having sex with any specific group of people should examine their prejudices, which is a very curious thing to say as the head of an organisation representing gay people, who by definition wish to rule out sleeping with the opposite sex.

See also:
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jun/06/stonewall-risks-all-it-has-fought-for-in-accusing-those-who-disagree-with-it-of-hate-speech
Here on the misleading lobbying Stonewall was doing misinforming member organisations and public bodies about actual equality law:
www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jun/05/stonewall-trans-debate-toxic-gender-identity

And someone on FWR can point you, I'm sure, to the bits on Stonewall's lobbying documents where it clearly states wanting to replace "sex" with "gender" in the Equality Act, rendering "same sex" as "same gender".

foxgoosefinch · 02/12/2021 19:55

@Lovelyricepudding

The number of posters on here saying 'if she doesn't want to proclaim a political message then she could just not play the game' but then still not realise how exclusionary and authoritarian this 'inclusive symbol' is....
Yeah, I especially liked the post the argued that the important thing was to signal that you were inclusive to other non-LGBT people. Just sums it all up really.
FOJN · 02/12/2021 19:56

Stonewall also joined forces with Mermaids to report LGB Alliance (a lesbian,gay and bi charity organisation) to the charities commission because they weren't prioritising the T. I think they backed out of taking joint legal action in the end but still it's unbelievable that an LGBT + organisation would even consider such a thing.

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/transgender-legal-battle-stonewall-backs-mermaids-against-lgb-alliance-bkbz5ljkq

mustlovegin · 02/12/2021 20:01

OP I wouldn't volunteer my children to be taken advantage of and utilised in this way.

Activist organisations can pay for their own propaganda if they so wish.

Professional footballers and F1 drivers are wet enough and should grow a pair, but at least they are consenting adults and they are being paid big bucks for toeing the line.

Also, as a general principle sports and politics should never mix.

CMZ2018 · 02/12/2021 20:02

Utter bullshit, just don’t put them in

mustlovegin · 02/12/2021 20:03

still not realise how exclusionary and authoritarian this 'inclusive symbol' is

Yes. The consequences of not wearing them will tell you if there is coercion involved or not

Fomofo · 02/12/2021 20:05

12 is not too young to understand and is it any different to wearing poppies

sjxoxo · 02/12/2021 20:08

@PermanentTemporary there are several pro players; Nigel Owens and Sam Stanley to name 2. Also a couple of high profile referees. Xo

Serenschintte · 02/12/2021 20:09

You won’t be the only parents that doesn’t like this. I would put the laces in the bin. Talk to DS. Contact the organizers and explain why your child won’t be using them. Job done

FOJN · 02/12/2021 20:10

Yes. The consequences of not wearing them will tell you if there is coercion involved or not

Interestingly those in favour of wearing them acknowledged on the first page of this thread that there would be social consequences for not wearing them. There were comments like, "you'll just look like a homophobe", "people will think you're a bigot".

Why would people feel happy to support such an authoritarian campaign? It turns would should be a show of support and solidarity into pointless virtue signalling which people feel compelled to participate in for fear of being cancelled.

RuggerHug · 02/12/2021 20:13

I think you've deliberately misinterpreted what I said but go on so.

WildFlowerBees · 02/12/2021 20:24

Why do people have to make a show of being inclusive by wearing bloody rainbow laces?! What's wrong with you know just being inclusive by being nice to people regardless of sexuality? Isn't the LGBTQIA+ community sick of being defined by their gender/sexuality and all the virtue signalling yet, aren't they just like everyone else, humans just trying to go about their business?

whereisthekey · 02/12/2021 20:35

@WildFlowerBees easier if weren't being continually abused. anything online lgbt related has comment after comment of filth . just look at the reaction to same sex strictly dancers even, never mind going into Instagram or Facebook etc. there's a long way to go still.

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