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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so upset my child has to wear rainbow laces to play rugby?

379 replies

Rainbowlaceshelp · 02/12/2021 16:39

Just as the title says.

My child came home today and says they have been given a set of rainbow laces for thier rugby boots for the game at the weekend. To show that they are inclusive.

I'm very very upset and angry that I am now being forced to confront this issue.

I have no objection to showing solidarity for gay and lesbian people. It is precisely for this reason I object to being strong armed into rainbow compliance by Stonewall who grow more homophobic by the day.

What can I do? Should I just get over it, conform and keep quiet? I don't want to make my child appear as though they 'hate the gays' when it's in fact the total opposite.

OP posts:
Bunchymcbunchface · 02/12/2021 18:48

@FOJN

It's not really the laces or the message they endorse is it? It's that not wearing them would leave him open to accusations of being hateful. It's coercive which means it's possible that even the people who do wear them are not actually inclusive.
This!
PeterPomegranate · 02/12/2021 18:50

I’m pretty gender critical (although not massively public with it) but I wouldn’t have any problem with rainbow laces. It’s an inclusive supportive gesture. It’s not a shortcut to having a 6ft 5 male on the women’s team.

I also agree that depending on your child’s age it is mostly their choice.

ElectraBlue · 02/12/2021 18:50

Seriously? that is the main problem you have in your life?

Let him enjoy the game with his friends, don't make this about you and your issues. It is your choice to be upset about something so trivial...

A12 year old is old enough to appreciate tolerance and diversity. No need to look deeper into this.

PeterPomegranate · 02/12/2021 18:51

Ah! I’m sorry. I see they are specific stonewall laces. I should have read the full thread Blush

Whatinthelord · 02/12/2021 18:55

I wouldn’t mind wearing rainbow laces in support of the lgbtq+ community. I wouldn’t want to do it for stonewall as I don’t like them as an organisation.

I think 12 yrs old is old enough for you to present the various options and opinions to him and for him to then choose.

RuggerHug · 02/12/2021 18:55

@elbea

I’d be more annoyed that I was being made to buy something to be used once and then thrown in the bin to be honest. The campaign encourages thousands of people to buy some to use once for no more than hour that can’t be recycled and then chuck them all into landfill.
Laces are reusable.
Notanexcitingname · 02/12/2021 18:57

For all those saying Stonewall don't own rainbows, no. But Rainbow Laces and Rainbow Laces Day is a Stonewall campaign.
Stonewall, who are doing more to undermine women's and lesbian rights than anyone since the 70s, so not a charity I'd chose to be associated with.

OP, as a slightly middle way, could you maybe refuse to allow your child to be in any social media photo/post which tags Stonewall.

Though personally, I'd be complaining. Loudly, especially for girls rugby. It's entirely possible the club has no idea.

Roisin78 · 02/12/2021 19:01

Being forced to show support isn't really very supportive, it should be a choice not a requirement. They should be able to choose from a range, why not have a series of laces that support the things the kids are actually interested in? They can choose their own cause or just wear plain but it must be their own decision.

Roisin78 · 02/12/2021 19:03

@ElectraBlue

Seriously? that is the main problem you have in your life?

Let him enjoy the game with his friends, don't make this about you and your issues. It is your choice to be upset about something so trivial...

A12 year old is old enough to appreciate tolerance and diversity. No need to look deeper into this.

Yes, look away dear, nothing to see here, honest! 🙄🙄
Lizzy1980 · 02/12/2021 19:04

@FOJN

It's not really the laces or the message they endorse is it? It's that not wearing them would leave him open to accusations of being hateful. It's coercive which means it's possible that even the people who do wear them are not actually inclusive.
This
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 02/12/2021 19:05

I'm truly amazed that a 12 year old has 'no opinion' on a matter like this. Sexuality is routinely discussed in the later years of most primary schools and certainly in secondary schools...

Artichokeleaves · 02/12/2021 19:07

@Itsanewdah

Are you LGBT+? I am. It means a lot to see these kinds of displays. Kids wearing rainbow colours, all the visible signs of solidarity. I’m not talking about commercial rainbowwashing, but the smaller things. Like rainbow laces. Will it fix all issues? No. Is it a step? Yes. We’ll need many more steps, sure. But just because we need many more steps doesn’t mean we have to deny us the little things that feel good. And while stonewall are by no means perfect, they are a powerful organisation that has done so much for us.
I'm LGBT+ too.

Rainbow lanyards and laces to me are a symbol of a political position that is openly homophobic and excludes me for being a female homosexual. It's a symbol that makes me afraid to be out as a lesbian. Its a symbol that puts me immediately on my guard and makes it clear I am not welcome, I am not ok, I am not accepted.

Stonewall has done that. They are a powerful organisation. As a lesbian I find them a bloody scary one.

Intheopinionofourexpert · 02/12/2021 19:07

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

You are over thinking it. I’m not a fan of stonewall but showing an acceptance of lgbt people especially in a typically matcho sport like rugby is great.
Actually, I'd suggest you are under-thinking it. They are Stonewall laces. I'm not sure they stand for acceptance of LGB people these days, and they stand against acceptance of women.
hettie · 02/12/2021 19:12

Could someone kindly direct me to the anti lesbian rhetoric published by Stonewall?

Pickles89 · 02/12/2021 19:13

Urgh, I wish rainbows hadn't become a LGBT thing. I like rainbow colours because they're pretty to look at and cheerful, a symbol of hope. I don't want everyone thinking I'm being bloody political because I'm wearing a rainbow striped T shirt, and it's daft that rainbow shoelaces = 'Hey look at me I'm being inclusive!' too. Why can't people just all be nice to each other without having to shout about how special they are for being nice to each other?!

Keepingtheseatwarm · 02/12/2021 19:13

Stonewall are all about the T.
About the LGB, not so much.
Some young, naive, possibly Q, people mistakenly feel the need to support Stonewall. They don't realise what a powerful agenda they have against women, and lesbians in particular.
Being expected to wear rainbow laces or be labelled hateful, bigoted or homophones is coercive and deeply sinister, and many people don't (or don't want to) see it.

ScreamingBeans · 02/12/2021 19:14

Stonewall are a bunch of homophobic bigots and no, I wouldn't like my child to have to pretend to support them.

I think it's like making someone wear a crucifix. You have the right to wear a crucifix if you want to, if you're religious etc. But don't make anyone else wear one.

Stonewall promote an ideology which at its root is sexist and homophobic. But I don't know if the rainbow is its symbol, I think it's more the pink and blue flag that I'd associate with it.

I associate the rainbow with Noah's Ark and again, it's a religious symbol so I'm a bit meh about forcing kids to wear it.

elbea · 02/12/2021 19:16

@RuggerHug Thanks for that helpful input, obviously laces are theoretically reusable but these ones aren’t going to be are they. They are going to be thrown in the bin along with thousands of others that don’t want to wear rainbow laces. Rainbow laces might be fun when you are seven but most people don’t want rainbow laces year round.

momtoboys · 02/12/2021 19:18

@Rainbowlaceshelp

Well if just laces then there's no issues with not wearing them then.

They're 12, they're too young to have an opinion on this which isn't coloured by my resistance to allowing them to be used as a political pawn by Stonewall.

LOL. I wish my sons had been to young to have an opinion at 12!
FOJN · 02/12/2021 19:20

I think Nancy Kelly has equated women defending their rights to anti-semites and more recently Stonewall branded lesbians as sexual racists for not wanting to have sex with women with female penises.

Bagamoyo1 · 02/12/2021 19:22

YABNU.
If it was my son, I’d let him wear them (he’d want to, as he wouldn’t want to look different), but I’d email the organisers with my opinion.

katrina11 · 02/12/2021 19:29

@hettie

Could someone kindly direct me to the anti lesbian rhetoric published by Stonewall?
they won't be able to because there isn't any - the transphobic/homophobic attacks on Stonewall are quite something to behold on this site!

and as for the rainbow laces - get a grip! it's good to signal inclusivity in sport and good that Stonewall is promoting it.

Frazzled50yrold · 02/12/2021 19:30

Totally agree with other posters who think it's coercive. I'd not be happy with it, we don' have to visually display to others that we're not prejudiced as it should simply be a given.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 02/12/2021 19:33

YABU

Do you have any idea what the suicide rate is for young people who identify as LGBTetc because of bullying/inclusion failures/self-hate, etc.

I applaud the quiet show of support. Shoe laces aren't a 'big' thing, but enough to remind people to think before they exclude/bully/mock/etc

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