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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so upset my child has to wear rainbow laces to play rugby?

379 replies

Rainbowlaceshelp · 02/12/2021 16:39

Just as the title says.

My child came home today and says they have been given a set of rainbow laces for thier rugby boots for the game at the weekend. To show that they are inclusive.

I'm very very upset and angry that I am now being forced to confront this issue.

I have no objection to showing solidarity for gay and lesbian people. It is precisely for this reason I object to being strong armed into rainbow compliance by Stonewall who grow more homophobic by the day.

What can I do? Should I just get over it, conform and keep quiet? I don't want to make my child appear as though they 'hate the gays' when it's in fact the total opposite.

OP posts:
onreeooh · 02/12/2021 18:15

I used to raise a brow when people said sexuality/pride was being 'shoved in our faces' but genuinely, it is.

I have no problem with anyone's sexuality. My OH is bisexual himself.

But it's just the constant symbolism everywhere, it's starting to get annoying. All the big companies are now virtue signalling- why on Earth does Boots, a pharmacy and toiletries dispenser - need a rainbow logo?

Enough already. I want more awareness for other issues (children's social services, mental health services and care, disability etc.) and the endless rainbow flags are put at the forefront of everything. All anyone has to do is put on some rainbow shoelaces and the world is all peachy, I guess.

If my kid brought home rainbow laces, o wouldn't say anything, but internally this is definitely how I'd feel. In the grand scheme of things, it's good that other sexualities are normalised and accepted. But just all the time?

Itsanewdah · 02/12/2021 18:16

Are you LGBT+? I am. It means a lot to see these kinds of displays. Kids wearing rainbow colours, all the visible signs of solidarity.
I’m not talking about commercial rainbowwashing, but the smaller things. Like rainbow laces. Will it fix all issues? No. Is it a step? Yes. We’ll need many more steps, sure. But just because we need many more steps doesn’t mean we have to deny us the little things that feel good. And while stonewall are by no means perfect, they are a powerful organisation that has done so much for us.

MrsBison · 02/12/2021 18:16

@RuggerHug

Tbf, I think society needs to re-evaluate the poppy wearing and be understanding if some people dont want to wear one for whatever reason they have.

WeatherwaxOn · 02/12/2021 18:18

12 isn't too young to have an opinion. My DC is younger with several friends who already are expressing an interest in the same sex.
I couldn't get too worked up over laces. However, if they are part of a wider and bigger picture then there may be some concerns depending on exactly what message is being conveyed.

spongedog · 02/12/2021 18:23

@LoveGrooveDanceParty mThe OP has said her child is her daughter.

Ooops thank you had missed that. But I still think (a neon) pink would be a good alternative. Or better yet the suffragette colours.

And I do feel that it is the politicizing of the rainbow and what it implies that is the issue here.

RuggerHug · 02/12/2021 18:23

[quote MrsBison]@RuggerHug

Tbf, I think society needs to re-evaluate the poppy wearing and be understanding if some people dont want to wear one for whatever reason they have.[/quote]
MrsBison I have very strong opinions on it(and am not in the UK) but chose it because it is a 'symbol' and widely known.

bravefox · 02/12/2021 18:26

@whereisthekey

my rugby club did this years ago and it made everyone who was lgb (there was no T on the team) feel supported and wanted and was only a positive thing. we had several comments years later about it being one of the many positives that made people feel comfortable at the club.
Great post. I'm always confused by people who pop up and start banging on about things like rainbow laces being a 'political issue'. For the best vast majority of people it's something much simpler than that...
Linning · 02/12/2021 18:26

YANBU to want your son to have a choice in wearing those laces or not. But YABU to not have talked about homosexuality with you 12yo child to the point he doesn’t have an opinion and therefore can’t make a choice. It’s an extremely common conversation to have with kids of all ages and it’s a bit strange your manager to avoid bringing it up for 12 years, especially in the current era.

The rainbow is not representative of stonewall. Gay folks aren’t a mass of homogeneous people who all fall under the same umbrella and can be accurately represented by one organization. The rainbow is known in the LGBTQ+ community as a symbol of pride of being who you are and loving who you love (which is by default inclusive of straight people), it’s not a direct link to stonewall so you would be very unreasonable to reduce the rainbow to stonewall only and act as if supporting gay people is automatically supporting stonewall and all they stand for.

Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse · 02/12/2021 18:27

@Linning

And not everyone who plays rugby is a boy!

eurochick · 02/12/2021 18:30

How on earth can do many people on this thread have no idea what Stonewall is? Even if not aware of the details of the current controversy I would expect all adults to be aware of them for their valuable past work on gay rights.

Anonymous48 · 02/12/2021 18:31

@Rainbowlaceshelp

I wish I could amend my title. They are Stonewall laces, they were given them and told they must wear them and supervised while putting them on
I wish you could have too. I'm not in the UK so I have no idea what this Stonewall that everyone is talking about it, and why people have an issue with them. Where I live the rainbow and rainbow colors is seen as a symbol of gay pride and acceptance.
IamGusFring · 02/12/2021 18:32

It's all a bit scary isn't it ? Wear this or you are seen as " something " Think we've been here before in history . People saying it makes them feel good ? Really ?? When people are only wearing them because they are forced to ?

Linning · 02/12/2021 18:32

[quote Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse]@Linning

And not everyone who plays rugby is a boy![/quote]
I never said or assumed only boys play rugby? One of my best friend is female and play rugby I said son because I thought OP had said “son is 12” on a follow up post at some point but I see now she hasn’t and said “they are 12.” So my bad.

AlwaysLatte · 02/12/2021 18:33

I'm very very upset and angry
A bit over the top. Well done to the school for teaching inclusiveness because sadly there will be some homophobic parents whose children might think it's ok.

Anonymous48 · 02/12/2021 18:34

@eurochick

How on earth can do many people on this thread have no idea what Stonewall is? Even if not aware of the details of the current controversy I would expect all adults to be aware of them for their valuable past work on gay rights.
Maybe because not everyone on this site is in the UK.
foxgoosefinch · 02/12/2021 18:34

Great post. I'm always confused by people who pop up and start banging on about things like rainbow laces being a 'political issue'. For the best vast majority of people it's something much simpler than that...

@bravefox

Well, this doesn't make sense. What you're saying is, that the rainbow laces are a symbol for the "vast majority" of (nonLGBT?) people to show each other that they are being "inclusive", even if it actively upsets or excludes some of the people who are meant to be "included"?

Just talk me through that one again....?

KangSaeByeok · 02/12/2021 18:36

The rainbow symbol is far more than just Stonewall. Openly gay (male) footballers and rugby players are still virtually unheard of. And many girls leave football / rugby teams because they're teased about being lesbians.

And you're VERY VERY upset and angry about some laces?!

drpet49 · 02/12/2021 18:36

* No I do not think children should be forced into taking part in this. It needs to be optional.*

^I agree

MintyCedric · 02/12/2021 18:38

@LethargicActress

It’s not acceptable for youth organisations to force children to make political statements on their behalf, about any issue, no matter how worthy it might be.

I’m surprised at these responses and that the vote is as split as it is.

If the club wants to show its inclusive, I’m sure there’s other things they can do via their advertising or policies that don’t involve forcing children to wear a label.

If an organisation wants to encourage children to be supportive of the LBTQ+ movement, then they have to educate them on it properly first, and then provide an option of something their students can do to publicly show support if they want to. But I’m not sure its within the remit of a kids rugby club to do any of that.

Totally agree with this.

It should be an educated choice, not kids being coerced into jumping on a political bandwagon.

That said, your DS really is old enough to have a conversation about this and make his own decision.

If he doesn't want to wear them I can't imagine it would difficult to mislay a pair of shoelaces.

WonderfulYou · 02/12/2021 18:41

I don’t think anyone should be forced to wear anything but sports are known for being non inclusive to gay people so something definitely needs to be done.

It’s hard to know how to make it more inclusive so If wearing rainbow laces does this then that’s fantastic.

My DD is the same age and I work in a secondary school and all of them would happily wear rainbow laces.
If your child doesn’t want to then don’t force them but it does sound like you’re pushing your own opinion on them.

Intheopinionofourexpert · 02/12/2021 18:42

@Chr1stmasCarole

Well it's a rugby match where they're celebrating inclusivity. As you don't agree with that message keep your ds home from the match that day and let them know that you as a family don't believe in being inclusive and won't be forced into it..... I think that's fair enough.
If you think Stonewall is inclusive, you're misguided.
ArabellaScott · 02/12/2021 18:44

@HelplesslyHoping

Open your hands and get a grip x
Logical oxymoron.
elbea · 02/12/2021 18:46

I’d be more annoyed that I was being made to buy something to be used once and then thrown in the bin to be honest. The campaign encourages thousands of people to buy some to use once for no more than hour that can’t be recycled and then chuck them all into landfill.

UndertheCedartree · 02/12/2021 18:46

So many people seem to be missing that this is a Stonewall campaign. And Stonewall are not inclusive of homosexuals.

Waitwhatwhy · 02/12/2021 18:47

@Rainbowlaceshelp

I wish I could amend my title. They are Stonewall laces, they were given them and told they must wear them and supervised while putting them on
They are Stonewall, it is not “just a rainbow” it is political and by a group being quickly dropped by many organisations for their dangerous views.

They are told they must wear them, it’s not a choice. 12yr olds are being forced to support Stonewall or presumably not play the match.

OP is this a school team or a rugby club? Either way I would email your concerns to the person in charge.

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