To be upset by piano teacher comments

[FlibberdyGibbett]

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

I’ve a 10 year old daughter who is doing cornet and loves it has just passed grade 2 have you thought about that , she also does piano but likes that a lot less thinks it’s harder and wants to stop. I was desperate for piano lessons when I was a child but wasn’t allowed and started at the age of 47 it’s great I’d never too late to learn an instrument

Wht does Josh want and think?

Easy instruments:

Keyboard (different from piano)
3/4 size guitar
Ukulele
Recorder
Voice

You can move to tunes you know quite quickly on all of these, they’re also all fairly portable.

Violin is NOT easier!! OP you really need to do some reading acting on how best to support your child with music.

*around

I played both violin and piano. Violin is not easier.

I’ve got an old violin he can use. I just phoned the teacher, she was really nice. She told me the violin is a bit harder though, but we’ll give it a go. She also said she would let me off the two lessons in December as a gesture of goodwill, so that’s very kind of her.
She mentioned she was currently studying herself something called the LRSM performance Diploma - does this mean she’s not qualified? I thought I’d ask as a couple of music have posted and therefore might know what this means?

Six weeks is long enough for an experienced music teacher to know if a pupil is up to the rigours of playing /practicing an instrument.

The music teacher was being matter-of-fact and honest with you.
They are not obliged to pussyfoot around you.

OMG. Don't start your son on the violin, whatever you do. Is this even real? Give the poor woman a break and let her teach children who want to learn and who have parents who stick to the contract.

I had to learn piano for years as a child and teenager. My mother thought she was giving me the great opportunity she never had and insisted on it but I never learnt. I became a bag of nerves at the piano, hopeless. I only practiced just before a lesson and have never touched one since . Some people are just not 'musical'. Some may enjoy music but cannot play an instrument - especially I think if dyslexic.

@FlibberdyGibbett

Hi thank you for the replies! He was using my sisters piano to practise a couple of times a week until we got our own keyboard sorted.

With regards to the missed lessons he has ‘group tuition’ with another child so I don’t see how the teacher could fill that slot with anyone else I think she should carry them over, but I will pay because that’s the rules!

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn.

Only problem is it’s the same teacher, she teaches both instruments so not sure how this will pan out! I may give her a call later to have a chat. I have her mobile number from the text message.

we've decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn

he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn.

What??? It will probably be harder!
In any event, it is hard to get a child to learn an instrument, not many of them are super-excited about music lessons!

Sorry posted too soon
The violin is one of the hardest instruments to learn

OP I think the teacher should have telephoned you. But I think she's right in that there's absolutely no point in paying for lessons if he doesnt have a piano or keyboard at least to practise on.

Maybe he would prefer a different teacher.... It sometimes takes a few 'goes' to get the right fit for a child/piano teacher combo that works.

But honestly, any piano teacher is going to get frustrated if he doesnt practice. I used to get my students to sign a contract committing to 15mins per day, at least, and the parent would sign it too. The parent would have to sign in his notebook each day confirming s/he had done the practice.

If he is interested he could learn 'on the ipad' for free until you get a piano.

You don't need a performance diploma to teach but good teachers often have them

Why are you switching to violin? Why is it so important he does these lessons?

Has he even ever held a violin?

If you want advice, honestly the violin is very hard and to start at aged 10 he most likely won't catch up with his age for a good few years.

A better option would be recorder, which could lead to clarinet or flute...? A recorder is very cheap, he will learn all the fingerings, and how to read music, and then he can transfer to another wind instrument.

Or guitar would be a better option than violin which is very hard to pick up and play.

violin is definitely harder.
have you actually asked your son what he wants to play? or whether he wants to play at all?
unless he has the desire to learn, you're throwing good money down the drain.

Unless your Josh actually says to you 'please please mummy I really want to learn the xxx I promise I'll practice each and every day' he probably doesn't want to learn an instrument.

Honestly, without regular practice, he won't progress and won't enjoy it. Violin IS harder than piano.

The best thing you can do is find out how he really feels about all this, and then go with what he says. If he doesn't want to learn, pushing him into it will be a total waste of money.

I meant to also say - unless you have an agreement that states otherwise, missed lessons are not refundable or transferrable

Violin is harder definitely. if you want an easier one try something like the flute.
What size is your old violin? Because if it's too big (and for most 10yos a full size one will be) it can be very frustrating. I speak from experience there.

With your remarks about her "not being qualified" it doesn't sound like you trust her much, so I'm not convinced that learning with the same teacher is a good idea.
She may not be qualified to top level, but she may be excellent with beginners. Dh plays the piano really well. he started with someone who wasn't qualified, but knew when to say he had reached the top of her ability to teach, and then he moved to a more advanced teacher. She was quite eccentric by his description, and partially deaf, but taught brilliantly, but wouldn't have worked with a beginner.

Not sure why so many people are assuming I’m pushing my child into learning a musical (piano or violin)? We talked earlier and it’s what HE wants!! Why shouldn’t he have an opportunity?

@FlibberdyGibbett

I’ve got an old violin he can use. I just phoned the teacher, she was really nice. She told me the violin is a bit harder though, but we’ll give it a go. She also said she would let me off the two lessons in December as a gesture of goodwill, so that’s very kind of her. She mentioned she was currently studying herself something called the LRSM performance Diploma - does this mean she’s not qualified? I thought I’d ask as a couple of music have posted and therefore might know what this means?

Why not google LRSM and find out for yourself?

Are you saying now that you think she's not qualified therefore she has misjudged your child?

Are these lessons in school or at her home? If they are in school I am sure she has 'passed' the requirements for teaching.

Honestly, @FlibberdyGibbett, as a parent of a child who achieved a high grade in piano, I can assure you that if your son does not practise and you have no piano, he will not progress. It's a sheer waste of time and your money.

Are you forcing him to learn an instrument? Have you actually asked him how he feels?

There is nothing worse than a pushy parent making a child learn something out of their own thwarted ambitions or whatever.

I don't have the feeling your son is being asked what he wants to do.

@Ceci03

If you want advice, honestly the violin is very hard and to start at aged 10 he most likely won't catch up with his age for a good few years.

A better option would be recorder, which could lead to clarinet or flute...? A recorder is very cheap, he will learn all the fingerings, and how to read music, and then he can transfer to another wind instrument.

Or guitar would be a better option than violin which is very hard to pick up and play.

Agreed. My 7yo is learning recorder. It's easy enough to get the sounds from it and the instrument cost about a tenner. She can learn something else in a year or two if she shows interest and commitment (and to be fair she willingly picks it up every day for 10/15 minutes - the other bonus of the recorder is that we can leave it sitting on the kitchen table ready to be picked up when she has 5 spare minutes).

I’m not sure that violin is a good idea. It is not easier to learn and takes a lot longer to see any real results that would a make a child feel good about their playing.
A child new to the violin sounds like a dying cat.
The piano/keyboard is a much more sensible choice for a first instrument. It makes a good sound with little skill.
I would suggest that maybe group lessons are not the right thing for your child.
1-1 would likely be more successful as it sounds like focus is what he struggles with.
How does he normally manage in school!?

Good luck with listening to him learn the violin!