To be upset by piano teacher comments

[FlibberdyGibbett]

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

Since you are in process of buying a second-hand keyboard, you might understand his interest. If he is around the keyword a lot, he will learn no matter what. To play an instrument, interest is more important than talent since talent can be improved whatever anyone says.

One of the most important things a beginner learns is how to sit at the piano - so that their thumbs hit middle C. And how to hold your hands.

He can’t do that without a piano.

I think the text was fine. And of course you have to pay for the missed lessons.

A lot of pianists have hypermobile fingers - it can actually help achieve spans over an octave.

Hi thank you for the replies! He was using my sisters piano to practise a couple of times a week until we got our own keyboard sorted.

With regards to the missed lessons he has ‘group tuition’ with another child so I don’t see how the teacher could fill that slot with anyone else I think she should carry them over, but I will pay because that’s the rules!

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn.

Only problem is it’s the same teacher, she teaches both instruments so not sure how this will pan out! I may give her a call later to have a chat. I have her mobile number from the text message.

Very professional of her. She could have continued to take money and potentially waste her time and his.
If he is not interested in the first six weeks, I would say he wasn't interested and you would be wasting your money to continue.
But talk to him. Ask him how he feels and tell him that he is coming across as disinterested and does he want to continue? If he does, you can ask the teacher to give him another try on the promise he will engage.

I may give her a call later to have a chat.

Do not call a teacher on their mobile in the evening! Reply to the text requesting a phone call at a convenient time if you have to.

@FlibberdyGibbett

Also she’s just billed me to pay for December lessons, but he missed 2 earlier in the month due to having Covid and she’s basically said she doesn’t carry missed lessons over?!

This is common practice if she charges per block of x weeks.

My mother is a retired music teacher, she has told parents in the past that she expects their children to practice their pieces.

Maybe the music teacher is not the right one for your child.

Or maybe he simply isn’t interested in it.

Oh sorry, I see you are “in the process” of buying a second hand keyboard six weeks after he started the lessons!

Yeah, we inherited a high quality piano from great grandmother, which my daughter messed about with from toddlerhood, and wanted to learn to play properly, so we invested in lessons, and she STILL couldn't really be bothered all that much tbh. I hovered over her every day to do her 20 minute finger exercises.

She can tinkle out a tune quite impressively now, but does not practise and isn't arsed to pursue improvement. We just had the piano there and she played it if and when she wanted. Still does.

If we hadn't inherited the piano she wouldn't have bothered.

Violin will be easier?! Are we winding some bobbins up op?

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn

Not easier on the ears though. My dd played the double bass which is far more tolerable.

The violin is regarded by musicians as harder than the piano - not that it’s a bad approach but just to let you know (do a quick Google on ‘hardest instrument’)

Maybe he was disinterested or maybe she wasn’t the right teacher for him. He might thrive with another teacher. Best of luck to him

@FlibberdyGibbett

Hi thank you for the replies! He was using my sisters piano to practise a couple of times a week until we got our own keyboard sorted.

With regards to the missed lessons he has ‘group tuition’ with another child so I don’t see how the teacher could fill that slot with anyone else I think she should carry them over, but I will pay because that’s the rules!

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn.

Only problem is it’s the same teacher, she teaches both instruments so not sure how this will pan out! I may give her a call later to have a chat. I have her mobile number from the text message.

Are you sure he really wants to learn a musical instrument, or are you forcing it on him? It just seems that you if not the piano then the violin, I get the sense this is what you want, not what he wants. Maybe allow he to take up sports as a hobby, or art? Or even no hobby at all? You just seem a bit pushy, and too eager to blame a teacher who seems to have been very professional, and very open and honest with you. Be honest; is this you wanting him to learn an instrument, or you?

The violin is worse. A million times worse.

I say this as a bloody good musician who with years of lessons, was only ever competent at best at violin. It is HARD.

What instrument does HE want to learn?

It doesn't sound like this kid wants to learn any instrument.

You think violin is easier ? Crikey .

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha.......

I am the unmusical one in a musical family. I can play the piano a bit, learned another instrument where the tuning is obvious (as in, do X and get note Y) to a medium grade, and now dabble in a group for adult from-scratch learners of a third instrument of the same type of tuning.

Violin, where hearing whether a note is absolutely correctly in tune is a really key skill, is an instrument I could never play. Similarly all other stringed instruments, and the trombone.

Yes, the violin doesn't have the 'read 2 lines of music at once' thing going on, but I can think of no other way in which it is 'easier'. Wind instruments, like the clarinet or perhaps saxophone (easier fingering) would definitely be an option if you really want 'easy' as a first requirement.

Whatever instrument, a commitment to practise properly at least 4 times between lessons is a basic minimum.

Omg a violin is even worse! That's considered by many the hardest instrument to learn.
Could he go to a music shop and try out some instruments? It really feels like you're just doing this for the sake of it, not because he wants to.

I think persist with lessons and buy a used digital piano for home and sit with him and play it. He may be grateful of it when he's an adult if you don't give up on him about it. It's hard to make learning an instrument relevant to a child at the moment since seeing them played live is currently so difficult and school music is practically non existent

Violin will be easier?! Are we winding some bobbins up op?

I really hope not. Violins and recorders are the worst.

If you really want to find an easier instrument, try something like the recorder.

My DC (aged 12) started piano lessons and then added flute however their interest waned particularly during lockdown when lessons were online. They have just started Year 8 and I they wanted to take up a different instrument as it's been some time since they stopped the previous instruments. Said the violin would be good. Bought violin and after 4-5 lessons, I contacted school and advised that they were not interested in practising so no more lessons. I am paid up til end of school term and not expecting refund. I should have learned after the piano/flute. Anyone want a practically new full size violin?
I'd recommend not letting your child take up another instrument. Wait until they ask and show a real interest in learning.

I just thought she could be a bit more flexible because of Covid, I get she would be out of pocket but we are struggling a bit financially- I realise this is not her problem.

Yes but you would have had to pay if he didn’t have covid?

I think especially if it’s a financial strain then review if it’s worth it and if you need to invest in a keyboard! I’m all for developing a love of music but piano lessons aren’t for everyone.

As someone whose children play both instruments the violin is MUCH harder. At least you don’t have to worry about intonation.

Your teacher’s response sounds fine. He’s 10. He should be able to focus in lessons. And if he wants to make ANY progress he’s going to have to have daily lessons.

Do you have a violin? It’s a really expensive instrument to play.

I think it was good that she emailed rather than called - you had quite a big emotional reaction to her (very reasonable) suggestion and if that had happened on the phone, you might have said something that it would be hard to row back from. This way you've had a chance to cool off and think through whether you really are annoyed and feel she is in the wrong, or whether you are just disappointed that your kid isn't that into it. And you have clearly decided that her suggestionhas merit, and maybe Josh would be happier switching instruments.

(Although the revelation that he attends group lessons makes her response even more understandable - him talking, not progressing and complaining about "tired fingers" will be impacting the other kids in the lesson.)

There is this brilliant video of a brilliant violent player on YouTube who shows her progression from I believe age 4 until 22 and she plays incredibly well now but on the video you can clearly tell it doesn’t sound super pleasant to the ear until she is about almost 14 or so!

I knew a kid who was learning Violin by the time I met her she had a few years under her belt. She is in excellent player now but back then she was murdering my ears and her daily practices were soul sucking.

I tried a few instruments and Piano is what I sticked with but I learned late and on my own accord and I would voluntarily practice a couple hours a day.

It doesn’t seem like your child what to do music lessons. It seems like YOU want him to play an instrument and it isn’t going to work. Learning an instrument takes years and dedication and one needs to be motivated and like it. I love the piano but practice can be absolutely boring to no end and I too often want to skip those parts, but I stick to it cause I like it.

I used to teach languages. And I had to confront a few parents by telling them that they were pretty much paying for nothing because their child just didn’t care for the lesson and were wasting my time and their money.

Don’t force your kid to do music if he doesn’t want to. Ask him what extra curricular activity he wants to do. Any skill is a good skill to have.

Piano is a very inconvenient skill to have because you can’t really take your piano on holiday, friends or family members with pianos are rare and so practicing gets tricky.

I move abroad a lot and alas I rarely play the piano nowadays (this thread has made me want to buy one though!).

@FlibberdyGibbett

Hi thank you for the replies! He was using my sisters piano to practise a couple of times a week until we got our own keyboard sorted.

With regards to the missed lessons he has ‘group tuition’ with another child so I don’t see how the teacher could fill that slot with anyone else I think she should carry them over, but I will pay because that’s the rules!

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn.

Only problem is it’s the same teacher, she teaches both instruments so not sure how this will pan out! I may give her a call later to have a chat. I have her mobile number from the text message.

Having learnt both, it’s not easier. He has to be interested and eager to learn, I’ve more recently learnt piano and fingers won’t get tired so much he can’t play? We use our fingers all day everyday and it’s not an extra effort to play, especially since it will be so basic. He’s obviously not interested and you’ll only get the same outcome if he’s not interested in violin. The payment thing is normally, I pay when I don’t attend, they can’t run a business by rolling over lessons unfortunately