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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by piano teacher comments

413 replies

FlibberdyGibbett · 02/12/2021 15:14

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

OP posts:
Dindundundundeeer · 02/12/2021 20:00

We’ve decided the piano is not for him, so he is switching to violin which should be a bit easier to learn

I have to say I did laugh at that. Clearly you’re not a violin player Grin

HubbaBubbaIsMyFavourite · 02/12/2021 20:01

@Arren12
My eldest is autistic (piano and electric guitar), my youngest dyslexic (drums)

I found my eldest is technical extremely focussed, and although I thought it unlikely when he started he thrives.
My youngest, although dyslexic reads music really easily, do again proved me wrong.
I think for children with challenges, music brings so many benefits (partially shunt gave mine free reign) as it develops parts of the brain that otherwise might be overlooked. Would TOTALLY recommend….

Meadowbreeze · 02/12/2021 20:02

Is your violin even the right size for him?

Pascal80 · 02/12/2021 20:03

Speaking as a piano teacher of adults and infant children - your son is neither interested nor has the aptitude to ''wing it'' at lesson. He may have liked the idea of learning to play an instrument, but not the reality, like most people.

Arren12 · 02/12/2021 20:07

Thank you to whose who have answered my questions. I'd tag you but it seems my phone is doing its own thing this evening.

Notanotheruser111 · 02/12/2021 20:09

Bloody hell. I have 3 children who have learnt the piano (and practice on a keyboard). They are not ever going to be amazing pianists, But they get joy out of their lessons. When they started they often complained of sore fingers. Sometimes they are completely uninterested sometimes they love it. They have learnt so much about the importance of practice, resilience when practicing a harder piece. Their teacher was very unsure when my first started but he became one of her favourite students (not her best) and I think she learnt some lessons about not making assumptions.

MushMonster · 02/12/2021 20:14

It does not seem to be interesting him at present. That may change.
Have a chat with him, and gather info about whether he still wants to learn, or he is not bothered.
Lessons will not be of much use at all untill he can practice. And a keyboard is not equal to a piano,but close enough.
His fingers will struggle till they get strong enough, so he has to be ready to put up with it.

Dindundundundeeer · 02/12/2021 20:15

@Meadowbreeze

Is your violin even the right size for him?
My DD13 is 5’5 and has recently started to play her Great Grandads violin. It’s full size and on the basis that she is still growing has only recently moved up a size. I wouldn’t expect a 10 year old to fit a full size instrument.
GnomeDePlume · 02/12/2021 20:16

[quote Violinist64]@Georgie8, I am glad you have a musical family and all enjoy it but music is about far, far more than graded exams. Those children who you disdainfully say should give up their instruments because they never get further than around grade 3 obviously get something from them lessons. Music should be for everyone. For those of you who are saying that ten is too old to start learning certain instruments l say rubbish. It is never, ever too late. I teach people of all ages and abilities. At one end of the scale l occasionally have children who l think could make a career out of music and at the other l teach people with special needs who gain a great deal of satisfaction from playing simple pieces well. I teach adults too; many of whom have always wanted to play an instrument but never had the opportunity or who are picking up the instrument that they first learned in childhood and want to have another go at. Most people have no aspirations to a musical career but want a satisfying lifelong hobby. For my violin pupils this often means that they enjoy making music with others in amateur orchestras. Music is for everyone.[/quote]
This, with bells on.

Best piece of advice from DBiL was to have musical instruments around which DCs could pick up and play as they wanted.

Also our county music service runs Saturday music schools. Students from early years to 18 participate in various sessions from music theory to instrument lessons. Some may also be having private lessons others are just enjoying making music in a group. There are also choirs of all ages and orchestras.

Both my DDs attended the Saturday morning sessions for a number of years. DS wasnt interested in anything formal but loves picking up a guitar. We often hear bits of Pink Floyd coming from his room when he is practicing.

hedgehogger1 · 02/12/2021 20:17

@Winter2020 what sort of level does simply piano go up to? My DD is about grade 2/3 level but doesn't have lessons any more - went with a different instrument- but still likes to play

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/12/2021 20:18

@MysteriousMonkey

I think she's trying to be kind and I say that as a mum who has spent thousands on piano lessons for my kids over the last few years. One of them I wish their piano teacher had said this, it's so expensive and if they don't want to practise it's such a waste of money!
This. Talk to him - what does he say. You could ask the teacher to try another 6 weeks if she’s willing, or try a different teacher. But some kids just aren’t up for it - in which case you’re better finding something else.
TatianaBis · 02/12/2021 20:22

Where are you in the country @Arren12?

I could recommend some teachers depending where you are.

Asd is definitely not a bar as long as she is not dyspraxic too, which, if she’s coordinated enough to be good at art, may not be an issue.

CaribouCarafe · 02/12/2021 20:26

@TatianaBis dyspraxia isn't necessarily a barrier either - I'm dyspraxic and also know some professional musicians with a dyspraxia diagnosis too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2021 20:29

My dad said the happiest day of this life was when I gave up violin! I took up the flute and enjoyed that.

Bear in mind the progression of spending. DD had a free second hand piano to start but we're about to spend an eye watering amount for Xmas, birthday and relatives chipping in because she's outgrown that. In only two years.

And they depreciate like a rock so if they give up, you won't get the cash back.

GnomeDePlume · 02/12/2021 20:29

@Arren12 have you looked to see what your county music service offers? Ours runs Saturday music schools across the county. They run different lessons and groups so children can try out different instruments and work out what is for them. All students have a weekly music theory lesson.

This is a link to what my county music service offers: www.nmpat.co.uk/. Different counties may have different services.

LinoVentura · 02/12/2021 20:30

He wanted to learn and we are in the process of buying a second hand keyboard so he can practise, I just think the comments are a little harsh and abrupt - I think a phone call would have been kinder

If he has nothing to practice on then you are wasting everyone's time.

Cosyblankets · 02/12/2021 20:33

When you've said to him how did the piano lesson go what did he say?

Regularsizedrudy · 02/12/2021 20:44

How can you be “in the process” of buying a keyboard? Are you getting a mortgage on it?

Frazzled2207 · 02/12/2021 20:45

Best of luck with the violin. Not sure it’s much easier than piano tbh.

WaltzingTilda · 02/12/2021 20:50

Whilst I'd be upset, I'll also be grateful that she is not trying to waste my time and money. Sometimes we give our children what we want for ourselves.

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/12/2021 20:53

@Arren12

Sorry to hijack your thread op.

Can I ask teachers or anyone who might know. My dd has shown an interest in piano for most of her life. She is 8 now. She begged for a keyboard but we only got her a toy one. She messes about with it a few times a week. She has taught herself to read a couple of notes.
There was an electrical piano at a playgroup we recently attended. All the kids were making a din pressing the keys and dd went over and played a pretty decent tune out of nowhere. All the parents were a bit taken aback. I have no enquired about lessons. Not heard back from the company yet.

Thing is we don't have a piano. I had one in my home as a child but my mum gave it away. I'm willing to get one but reluctant before she has had actual lessons because she has form for giving things up. She has tried a few activities and has not enjoyed them as much as she expected. Usually after we have shelled out gor the equipment.

She has stuck at art which she is quite talented at and attends an art school.
She loves singing and has stuck at choir.
Il add she is autistic so won't always understand when I explain. She says it will be fun and she says she knows she will be good at it.
Also to add her writing is poor (although she has worked extremely hard to improve this to an ok level) will this mean she will struggle.
I'm totally non musical, I was forced to play the clarinet as a child and was crap at it. I can't read music. I don't want to waste our money we are not well off.

If you've the room for an upright, you can get a reasonable one pretty cheaply second hand as people simply don't want to move them/tune them/have room for them.

You'll obviously need to get it moved and tuned, but even a fairly scruffy piano as long as it can BE tuned and works, will at least be the right size and shape and the keys will feel right for someone to learn on.

If she then gives up... you won't have spent a fortune - if she proves to enjoy it, then you can upgrade.

Crazycrazylady · 02/12/2021 20:57

Honestly I think she was trying to be tactful and is trying to let you down gently. She clearly feels that he doesn't have much potential and she doesn't want to waste your time and money.
Maybe talk to him about taking up another instrument instead. Does he have a musical ear generally. It's always going to be a bit of a slog if he doesn't.
My advice would be to take up something he is interested in. Life's too short otherwise

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 02/12/2021 20:58

This is pure madness

50ShadesOfCatholic · 02/12/2021 21:01

@Regularsizedrudy

How can you be “in the process” of buying a keyboard? Are you getting a mortgage on it?
How rude
50ShadesOfCatholic · 02/12/2021 21:03

@Frazzled2207

Best of luck with the violin. Not sure it’s much easier than piano tbh.
The violin is difficult.

The beauty of the piano is that the notes are there ready to press, and the instrument keeps itself in position.

With the violin you have to learn to hold it correctly, position your fingers, the bow holding technique, and all before you get a single note out of it 😂

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