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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would you not want a heated blanket?

304 replies

Swanfairydust · 02/12/2021 00:38

I live with another person and they have been working from home all day. The heating has been turned up to 23/25 degrees (I can see from the app). I didn’t think it was partially cold today - between 8-10 degrees but I have been told my spare room can get cold.

The thermometer is usually kept in her room but it was in the living room for a few weeks (she was away, didn’t want it kept in her room).

As the radiators were turned down low the temperature didn’t increase in the living room and as a result her bedroom radiator has been on full power all day (there is no tmv).

I have told her to put the thermostat back in her room (third time of asking, so this time it was

outside her room and told h

OP posts:
me4real · 02/12/2021 03:17

I wouldn't really be into a heated blanket heard too many stories years ago of them exploding or whatever, and you don't want to have to always be in one spot.

Oil-filled radiators are nice.

There is a vibe of this is some vulnerable person who's ended up living there and it's not 100% healthy.

Rno3gfr · 02/12/2021 03:23

I can see both sides. I hate a cold house but I can’t afford the heating on all the time so we set to to a max of 20 degrees and wear clothes.

I would just slap on a £20 charge for all the extra heating per month. She has offered to pay so technically she isn’t out of order. Gas/electricity has gone through the roof lately, some people on higher incomes may not have noticed...coughs MN

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 02/12/2021 03:32

I’m confused, you said she knows the drill about you going into her room, then later you say she doesn’t grant you access to the room - so you’ve blatantly snuck in there when she was out without telling her.
heating aside, you really shouldn’t be going into her room when she’s not there, it’s a massive invasion of her privacy.
You are renting the room to her, so you gave up the my house my rules in exchange for money.
Even if no contract, she’s paying you, so you shouldn’t be going in there.

Tinsellittis · 02/12/2021 03:33

Poor Lodger

sammylady37 · 02/12/2021 03:49

You sound like an absolute nightmare. Describing yourself as HoH Hmm and how you invade her privacy, and keep parroting ‘my house my rules’ despite that no longer being the case when you take money from someone for staying in your house- most people would acknowledge at that point that compromise is necessary.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/12/2021 04:01

YANBU to be annoyed at someone who leaves heating running in empty rooms and heats her room to ridiculous temperatures while wearing summer clothing. £10 a week extra probably won't touch the sides over winter with electric heating and rising energy prices.

Your plan of 21 in the daytime and 16 at night is perfectly reasonable and within recommendations for a comfortable heating level that is neither wasteful nor mean.

Plus it's incredibly wasteful and simply tone deaf in an age when we all need to be more mindful in our use of energy, whether or not we can afford to pay for what we use. It's also perfectly reasonable to expect people to dress for the weather and to put a jumper and socks/slippers on before whacking up the heating.

I don't know what the solution is though. It could be that you're simply incompatible on your views on heating. Has this person ever had her own bills and had to pay for heating out of her own money? Sounds like maybe not, as you tend to be more receptive to moderating your usage when that happens, unless you have a large disposable income and don't care about being wasteful.

KangarooSally · 02/12/2021 04:19

"Who’s judging how she lives?"

You are! You went in her room and judged get for having clothes on the floor and judged her for not using sheets.

I hope she escapes from this horrible situation - then you'll have no one giving you rent and you'll be worse off money wise in a colder house. I can't imagine you manage to keep lodgers more than a few months, your behaviour and attitude is awful.

ichundich · 02/12/2021 04:27

Classic "AIBU?" Everyone: "Yes, you are unfortunately." OP: "No, I'm not!" You seem to have made your mind up, no matter what anyone says? FYI, a contract can be verbal and still be legally binding. You give her a room in exchange for money = contract.

BetsyBigNose · 02/12/2021 04:30

"I’m return she will ask for things but won’t allow me access to her room….."

So she has been very clear that she does NOT want you to go into her private space, but you do so anyway, behind her back? Heating aside, I think you're on very dodgy ground here - if something goes missing from her bedroom or she finds you in there one day it will cause all manner of problems - and you will completely deserve all the hassle this will bring you. How would you feel if you came home to find her rooting through your bedroom drawers? Exposed, I imagine and perhaps unsafe and more than a little freaked out. It's just weird and a huge overstep on your part. Yes, you may own the room, but she rents it from you and should be able to expect privacy, whether she's home or not.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 02/12/2021 04:46

You're weird. Please do her a favour and give her notice.

Happyhappyday · 02/12/2021 04:49

So I personally would hate living with you. I just get cold, my nose gets drippy in cold air so even if I was wearing a heated blanket I’d still have a drippy nose and I do get very tired of it all winter long. I would detest being nagged and being told I’m wrong to need the heat at the temp I do to be comfortable. I would suggest you consider a portable radiator for her room or let her know you’re going to need substantially more for the bills. It’s not unreasonable to want her to contribute to a major cost but it is to expect her to decide you’re right and she’s not actually cold. I lived in cold houses around in laws for 15 years and I got SO SICK of the just put a jumper on comments. I had a jumper on AND a woolly hat AND I was sat practically inside the fire place…

lap90 · 02/12/2021 04:54

I thought OP was Mum talking about her teen daughter or something.

mathanxiety · 02/12/2021 05:11

Where I live, landlords are obliged to keep the heat at 68F by day and 66F by night.

This translates to 20 by day and 18/19 by night throughout the property all day and all night throughout the heating season, which is about six months of the year.

YABU.

It's also really uncool of you to go into her room for any reason. She is paying for privacy, and if it was your intention not to allow her privacy the room shouldn't have a door.

KerryWeaver · 02/12/2021 05:16

OP, you are really overstepping the mark. This is bullying behaviour.

MrsGatsby99 · 02/12/2021 05:22

I agree with @BarbaraofSeville i don't think the temperatures you are heating the rooms to are unreasonable. Maybe have a sit down with a nice, hot drink Grin and talk to her about how you can use the heating more efficiently in the whole house. If she has worked from home at all, has she applied for tax relief if they are still offering that, that money is meant to go to additional costs such as heating etc...it isn't lots of money but might help she could give you £10 extra per week or whatever is fair. But there is no need to heat empty spaces.
Maybe an oil-filled radiator to supplement her room if she really feels the cold?

borntobequiet · 02/12/2021 05:28

Can’t you just turn radiators in other rooms off?

That’s what I used to to when I had central heating. It saved a lot of money.

BritWifeInUSA · 02/12/2021 05:40

She may have bought the heated blanket online. I just bought some new spatulas for baking. Do I have them in my hand right now? No. Does “I just bought” mean “I went to a physical shop and picked something up off the shelf”? No. She may have bought the blanket and he waiting for it to be delivered.

You said she doesn’t cook. You can offset the extra heating costs with the money she’s saving by not using the oven, hob, microwave, etc. And also the hot water she’s saving by not washing pots and pans.

You sound like a miser. Glad I’m not your tenant.

lentilsandeggs · 02/12/2021 06:30

@Swanfairydust

So why would anyone not want a heated blanket
I hate them as they really dry out my skin.
Longingforatikihut · 02/12/2021 06:33

This is precisely why I don't have a housemate. I keep a cool house. I use a jumper and a duvet on the sofa but I appreciate it's not everyones desire and it may be inconvenient for some.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/12/2021 06:37

we have our heating on quite high at work, but it is cold outside
if you are sitting still you need heat

MadTilda · 02/12/2021 06:39

This thread feels like a Dickens story came to life. Maybe you'll be visited by the ghost of Christmas past OP whilst you sleep...

WelliesWithHeels · 02/12/2021 06:42

You are coming off as a creepy, controlling, and very weird to live with person. Accept the extra money to make the heating issue fair, stay out of her room/stop tracking her movements, attire, the state of her bedding and clothes storage, and maybe climb down from your "HoH" high horse.
Next time you reach into your "back pocket" it might have to be for therapy for one or both of you.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 02/12/2021 06:43

I wouldn’t want to use a heated blanket in lieu of heating. Keep the property at a reasonable temperature, cold rooms won’t help with that. I don’t imagine that your lodger will stay long, especially with you going into her room.

megletthesecond · 02/12/2021 06:49

I would not want a heated blanket as my anxiety would be through the roof having something electrical in my bed. They don't heat up the air either so I wouldn't be much warmer.

rrhuth · 02/12/2021 06:50

I think you are completely in the wrong going into her room.

But I think you are right that you set the parameters of the heating. Absolutely in other rooms of the house.

Some landlords use a heating lock! That's extreme but a lodger does rather have to accept they only rent their room. With no contract they move on easily. I lodged for a couple of years and would not have expected to put on the heating as I wanted. I would have expected a reasonable temperature.

She needs to either pay more or move out I think.

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