To be absolutely LIVID about this email?

[Lividlavidacoco]

‘Hi Livid,

I hope you’re well and your return to work went smoothly? Just to let you know, a few of the mums messaged me after Monday’s session to express discomfort at having a penis in the group environment. They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room and we want the group to always be a safe and inclusive space for breastfeeding mummies. I am a small business so think it’s best that he doesn’t attend again. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll refund any sessions you have pre-paid.’

WTAFFFFFF.

Context: I returned to work 2 weeks ago, DH is now a full time stay at home dad to our 8 month old son and he’s loving it. He’s a brilliant father and this will be the set up until DS starts school.

I attended a baby music group with DS since he was 2 months old and he really enjoys it (as much as a little baby enjoys anything!) with other mums. No where in the literature of the group does it refer to mums, everything is ‘baby and parent’ so I assumed him attending the group instead of me would be fine. I told the group leader 3 weeks ago that DH would be bringing DS from now on and she was totally fine about it.

There are only 3 groups for babies in our small town and I attended all of them: a breastfeeding group, a ‘mums and babies’ coffee morning and then the baby music group. Obviously DH can’t attend breastfeeding or the coffee morning so this was the only one he could do

WIBU to fire back an email asking firstly why she feels the need to refer to my husband by his genitals and secondly, where in the group descriptions anywhere Eddie’s it says it’s a mums only group??

AIBU here???

@Lividlavidacoco

I’m still furious but DH’s response (and it speaks volumes about him) was to laugh and say he expects it was a knee jerk reaction and he’s not hurt, just a bit disappointed because DS will miss out.

He’s got 4 dad friends who are also stay at home parents during the week so he’s meeting them for a coffee today and he says he’ll ask if they faced similar issues. We informally call it Dad Group but maybe that should actually be a thing??

We have one in our area set up for dad's and grandads. They meet every fortnight, go to a soft play, walk or trip out. I'm sure other dad's in your area would appreciate it. All they need is a Facebook page and let the HV know they are at up and contact details.

Such modesty contrasts with mothers we have all seen flopping a swollen boob out sweaters for their baby in cafes.

How elegantly put

Such modesty contrasts with mothers we have all seen flopping a swollen boob out sweaters for their baby in cafes.

Why the vulgar and negative language, and suggestion of immodesty, to describe something perfectly natural? For someone who purports to pay no attention to breastfeeding women, you seem creepily keen to describe the appearance of their breasts, their manner of movement and the level of 'modesty' or not which you deem them to have. You sound judgemental and immature, not 'modest'.

@jamie85 - Such modesty contrasts with mothers we have all seen flopping a swollen boob out sweaters for their baby in cafes

Wow, what a misogynistic way to refer to a woman BFing. How revolting you sound.

@jamie85

As a former house spouse and father I am amazed that this still happens. I would not want to be anywhere near a mother nursing. I would move myself to other end of the room and talk to someone else or play with my own child. Such modesty contrasts with mothers we have all seen flopping a swollen boob out sweaters for their baby in cafes. Using such language to describe a straight 'typical' male parent is offensive because it could have been worded far less confrontationally. Are the babies too young to benefit from being socialised among male role models?

If you're holding yourself up as one of these 'male role models' you need to address that horrible misogynistic language for a start. My husband has also been the SAHP in our relationship but he would never use vulgar, accusatory language like this because he actually is a good role model.

He’s got 4 dad friends who are also stay at home parents during the week so he’s meeting them for a coffee today and he says he’ll ask if they faced similar issues. We informally call it Dad Group but maybe that should actually be a thing??

They should all go to the music group together

She's going to shit her pantaloons when she reads that response. Maybe ykur DH and his friends should look at a dads group? My husband would have loved something like like whilst I was working.

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

Bloody Hell, I'm speechless. The BF Mum is so projecting her own insecurities.

Your response is absolutely perfect.

Very much tongue in cheek, I suggest that your DH self identifies as a women for the duration off the group and insists that the mothers must refer to chestfeeding so as not to offend him or should that be her/them. 😮🤣

@jamie85

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

Why was it important to point this out? Jamie?

@jamie85

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

There is no right or wrong way to breastfeed. Off you pop.

@jamie85

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

Keep digging.

Women who breastfeed sometimes have no choice but to "flop a swollen boob' out. It amazes me how often men object to seeing tits when they're actually used for what they were designed for.

Looking forward to hearing what kind of reply you get op!

She's going to shit her pantaloons when she reads that response.

🤣 And rightly so

Genuinely excellent reply and I can't wait to see what she comes back with. I bet she's terrified right now actually - she will be realising that she's given you all the evidence you need to destroy her business with a sex discrimination claim (both in court yourself, and the franchise owner not wanting to be associated with this mess). And if she apologies she will lose business from the other parents, so she's fucked herself over either way .

I'd have replied with something like "so you're telling me you don't want a cock in the room, but are happy with a bunch of cunts" - though while it might have made me feel good I don't think it will have as powerful effect as yours will!

I'm late to the party but as a breastfeeding mum of a small baby just popping on to add to the support for you OP. I'm glad your DH isn't upset. Although I am just now off to flop out my swollen boob out of my sweater...🤦‍♀️ in Costa no less

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

If you weren't paying them any attention, why would you notice?

Holy hell. At every playgroup, swim group, kindergym session I go to there are always loads of dads.

@jamie85

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

Yes, I agree, Jamie. Those awful breastfeeding mothers need to know their place, and sit as quietly as possible in a corner, preferably with their back to the room and a sheet over both of their heads. How dare they have the audacity and confidence to 'flop out their swollen breasts' and use them for the purpose intended! Better still, have them stay at home, eh?

@bibop

Women who breastfeed sometimes have no choice but to "flop a swollen boob' out. It amazes me how often men object to seeing tits when they're actually used for what they were designed for.

This man didn't object though?

Excellent reply, @Lividlavidacoco. I suspect your erudite and articulate reply has triggered all sorts of panic. Good.

Excellent response - top notch. Bet she is shitting herself and quite rightly.

Agree with all PP who point out that single sex spaces and groups are often needed but this isn't one of them. A Dad's group is a great idea and I wonder if any local community centres could help support?

I was trying to point to the contrasts between those who just quietly do it, the majority, and those attention seekers who seem to want to make a production out of it.

Oh good god. I've been on this earth more than 40 years, more than 10 with my own kids, and longer around everyone elses, and I've never seen one of these attention seeking breast feeders.

I have seen women making a production of it - but when you're juggling toddler, shopping, buggy, winter coats, scarf and still trying to feed a baby who's decided they need milk NOW then it bloody is a production. Still no 'flopping' going on though.