To be absolutely LIVID about this email?

[Lividlavidacoco]

‘Hi Livid,

I hope you’re well and your return to work went smoothly? Just to let you know, a few of the mums messaged me after Monday’s session to express discomfort at having a penis in the group environment. They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room and we want the group to always be a safe and inclusive space for breastfeeding mummies. I am a small business so think it’s best that he doesn’t attend again. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll refund any sessions you have pre-paid.’

WTAFFFFFF.

Context: I returned to work 2 weeks ago, DH is now a full time stay at home dad to our 8 month old son and he’s loving it. He’s a brilliant father and this will be the set up until DS starts school.

I attended a baby music group with DS since he was 2 months old and he really enjoys it (as much as a little baby enjoys anything!) with other mums. No where in the literature of the group does it refer to mums, everything is ‘baby and parent’ so I assumed him attending the group instead of me would be fine. I told the group leader 3 weeks ago that DH would be bringing DS from now on and she was totally fine about it.

There are only 3 groups for babies in our small town and I attended all of them: a breastfeeding group, a ‘mums and babies’ coffee morning and then the baby music group. Obviously DH can’t attend breastfeeding or the coffee morning so this was the only one he could do

WIBU to fire back an email asking firstly why she feels the need to refer to my husband by his genitals and secondly, where in the group descriptions anywhere Eddie’s it says it’s a mums only group??

AIBU here???

Also @Lividlavidacoco the way they phrase it also makes the group be for baby girls only... baby boys have penises

Excellent email OP. Please report back - it will be interesting to see the response.

As others have said, it's one thing to exclude biological men from a breastfeeding group. But not a music group!

Brilliant reply OP. So pleased you are supporting your DH. He sounds lovely. If we allow this kind of thing, we then allow women to be called by their body parts and excluded from things because of their sex.

I'm assuming the breastfeeding mums who complained never breastfeed in public environments where there are other 'pensis' then? What do they do when bub needs a feed in a cafe/restaurant/park bench where there are men? Ridiculous

I think that reply is more than reasonable OP. Let us know what her response is. I personally would have pointed out to her that she was breaking the law by taking the action she has.

Your reply is perfect.

Say that it’s a shame that none of the mums with baby boys will be able to attend in future either, as one assumes they also have penises? Joking aside, that is terrible and you are right to be v annoyed. Your dh is there as a father with his child. I would have had no issues breastfeeding around him (or anyone for that matter).

Blatant sex discrimination- the group should be shut down.
No place for this is society

Good reply but the damage is done now. Your dh won't feel comfortable or welcome now, regardless of whether she backs down

Brilliant reply 👏

Perfect reply!!

We've had exactly the same. "Parent toddler group" and my husband, who was only off on a Tuesday every week took our 1 year old there. After he attended for the first time (all pleasant chats, nothing happened there) he was told by the organiser "maybe you would be more comfortable at the dad & toddler group on a Wednesday". He said he works on a Wednesday and is looking to socialise the little one and thought this is a parent toddler, not mother-toddler group. She said while it is a parent-toddler group, "everyone" would probably feel more comfortable if he attended another group as it's all mothers and he's the only man. Absolutely outrageous. My child lost out, my husband was hurt and it's blatant sexual discrimination. Obviously, it's not seen like this as in sexual discrimination is a one-way-street and can clearly only happen to women, trans or binaries... never to men. It's so upsetting

That’s a great response. Hope your poor DH isn’t too hurt by these horrible people.

Perfect reply. I cannot believe she referred to your DH as penis.

Also do none of those mums ever breastfeed in public where 'penises' are around???

Excellent email OP. Can't wait to see the response!

Thinking about it, she's also saying that gay men who may have adopted must be excluded because of course they only have the option of sending a parent with a penis...unbelievable in 2021.

I also support female safe spaces, but I don’t think a music group is one of them.

THIS x 100^

Whatever the rights and wrongs in this, and it needs to be pointed out to the organiser that they advertise it as a 'parent and baby' group', could you suggest they provide a screened off area for mothers who would prefer to breastfeed in privacy, away from the other parents.

I think women have the right to make their group women only.

But her wording was absolutely disgusting. No one wants to be referred to by their genitals - it's degrading.

Fantastic reply !

@bibop

I think women have the right to make their group women only.

But her wording was absolutely disgusting. No one wants to be referred to by their genitals - it's degrading.

It’s not their group though, it’s a baby music group and as much DH’s as theirs!

This is the whole point: it’s a group for PARENTS not for mothers. There’s 2 other mums only groups in the area that he can’t and wouldn’t dream of attending.

They have absolutely no right at all to exclude DH and make it mothers only.

Christ...i'm not one to get offended by much but i would be furious at that email...your poor dh...please let us know if this stupid woman responds to your reply.

Great response.

Very good reply, I await their further reply in due course!

Wonderful response, let us know when they reply OP!