To be absolutely LIVID about this email?

[Lividlavidacoco]

‘Hi Livid,

I hope you’re well and your return to work went smoothly? Just to let you know, a few of the mums messaged me after Monday’s session to express discomfort at having a penis in the group environment. They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room and we want the group to always be a safe and inclusive space for breastfeeding mummies. I am a small business so think it’s best that he doesn’t attend again. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll refund any sessions you have pre-paid.’

WTAFFFFFF.

Context: I returned to work 2 weeks ago, DH is now a full time stay at home dad to our 8 month old son and he’s loving it. He’s a brilliant father and this will be the set up until DS starts school.

I attended a baby music group with DS since he was 2 months old and he really enjoys it (as much as a little baby enjoys anything!) with other mums. No where in the literature of the group does it refer to mums, everything is ‘baby and parent’ so I assumed him attending the group instead of me would be fine. I told the group leader 3 weeks ago that DH would be bringing DS from now on and she was totally fine about it.

There are only 3 groups for babies in our small town and I attended all of them: a breastfeeding group, a ‘mums and babies’ coffee morning and then the baby music group. Obviously DH can’t attend breastfeeding or the coffee morning so this was the only one he could do

WIBU to fire back an email asking firstly why she feels the need to refer to my husband by his genitals and secondly, where in the group descriptions anywhere Eddie’s it says it’s a mums only group??

AIBU here???

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Ask about the policy regarding inspecting each persons gentiles while attending the group? Presumably no one checked yours and no one has checked his? Who's to say he even has a penis.

Write back and tell them that they just be mistaken as his penis fell off a few years ago and see if they ask for proof.

🤣🤣

I'm outraged on your DHs behalf. My DH is PT and I work FT so he took our kids to baby groups. Does your library have anything? Ours did rhyme time which was popular with dads.

Look out for church stay and plays too. I'm in a small town but there are a few different groups going on.

Oh god yeah, write back and ask why they assume he has a penis

This has to go in classics
Even if it was made up, it deserves to be recognised for opening up the issue to the general readership and not keeping it in the feminist boards

Only for the penises, there would be no babies in the first place. She's out of order sending an email like that.

@shouldistop

Oh god yeah, write back and ask why they assume he has a penis

They don't assume he has a penis; they assume he is a penis. 🤷‍♀️

I would be inclined to bring a discrimination suit, and I do not say that lightly. Referring to him by his genitals is deeply offensive. The cause of equality will never advance if a SAHD is treated this way. They should be ashamed. I would be equally livid.

It's awful.

Especially in the 21st century where it's entirely possible a parent is one of 2 'dads', a single parent dad or even a single FC or adoptive parent dad.

It says parent and baby. As should all groups.

Do they ask all the "peni" to leave a cafe because their baby's is hungry and wants feeding?

The only penis here is the one that sent the email.
This thread made me laugh (sorry op 😁) but it's also so outrageous at the same time and completely unacceptable.
What if he was a single parent bringing up a child? Would that mean he is excluded from such groups? Absolutely disgusting tbh!
Referring to your husband as a penis. If she's going down that route then why not refer to the mums as chestfeeding/or breastfeeding vaginas also??
It's madness!
I'd shame this place!

Dear group leader

I'm stunned a few of the mums expressed their concern about having a penis in the room as my son and his penis have attended previously. If you are referring to my husband and his penis, I do believe they won't have seen his genitals so I'm confused as to which penis you refer.

As most of us "mummies" became a mummy because of a penis I can't see the issue.

I do not intend to discuss this with my husband, if you wish to, please feel free to at the next group.

In the meantime I have copied your email to head office of the franchise as I find it unlawful and discriminatory.

They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room

Do they request the coffee shop where they have their mother/baby coffee mornings also asks male customers to leave.

How unfair!

That is outrageous, your poor husband OP 😔

You should take this to the equality and human rights commission for enforcement action. 9 times out of 10 they secure the right outcome just with a letter. Google them if you are not sure. Good luck.

Wow!! I thought you were going to say it was a breastfeeding group so I was initially thinking it wasn't that shocking (apart from the penis reference). But a baby music group - the person who wrote that email has lost their mind!!

I cannot for the life of me fathom what would possess someone to type "penis" instead of "man". It's just so bizarre. Who genuinely thinks in those terms and then types that into an email?!

YANBU.

Ridiculous, and I feel bad for your DH that he has been made to feel like some sort of perv for attending a music group

Could your DH start his own dads group?

What shocking language to use by referring to “a penis” instead of “a male”.

If this was a breastfeeding or mum specific support group I would understand, but it’s not….it’s a baby music group. Surely these mums breastfeed in cafes etc around other “penises”?

I think the group leader has probably had some comments, then whimped out and taken the safest option.

I’d look for another baby group as surely he won’t want to go there again anyway.

I’d be tempted to ask on Facebook local group for any dad inclusive groups.

Who on earth are these women who have an issue with breastfeeding with a man in the room?! Surely if you have that much of an issue with it, it's your issue and you go elsewhere to feed?

If you DH had commented on women BFing in group fair enough. But if not this group teacher is way out of line!

I breastfeed my daughter in music group now and again. We have a MALE teacher and last time I did it I was sat chatting to a dad next to me. Did I feel a bit unsure and awkward? Yes. But the the teacher and the dad had no issues and just acted normally and as such I had no issue.

If they're so uncomfortable with having a penis in the vicinity I assume they're also excluding all male babies?

I'm so sorry your lovely DH has been referred to in this way.

I'd take the moral high ground and state that you fully support the availability of safe spaces for women.

Then ask her to show you where you were informed it was for women only.
Ask her outright to explain why she referred to your husband as a penis.

I'd keep a first email brief, but make sure it has questions she has to answer.

@SockFluffInTheBath

Sorry, is this real?

I was going to post that

Sounds like a breach of the Equality Act. What a bunch of tits...

YANBU! My DP and I take our son to a sensory class on Saturday mornings and he's always been welcomed, there's quite often dads there. He also takes him to a swimming class himself when he's off work - he would be gutted if he wasn't allowed to do stuff like that with his son!

We also live in a small town so there isn't many classes around so definitely not as simple as just finding a dads class etc!

I would ask her to meet with your HB to explain her position if she stands by what she has already said.