DD's friend needing new underwear

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

Putting this here for traffic as i need a quick reply.

DD age 4 made friends with a little girl the first day of reception and they have been firm friends ever since. This little girl comes from a family that are really struggling for money, her mum has confided in me about how hard they are finding things financially after she lost her Job during the first lockdown and various other reasons. We have invited this little girl over for tea several times, tonight being one of them, DD has just come to me and said friend has told her that her knickers are digging in and asked if its ok friend takes them off. Having spoken to friend it turns out her knickers are way to small and she has nasty red marks where they have dug in apparently mummy says they cant buy her new ones until daddy gets paid (I have no idea when this is)

Dad will be here to collect any time now on his way home from work, would i be unreasonable to put DD's knickers (new a week ago and clean) in to a bag and say she has outgrown them so would they be any use? I can go and buy DD some new ones tomorrow. Id happily buy this little girl new ones but i cant get to the shops until tomorrow and that would mean she would have to wear small ones that dig in again tomorrow. I am 99% certain mum and dad wouldnt be offended and if it was any other item of clothing i wouldnt think twice but is it really grim to gift used knickers even if they are fairly new and clean. Also i dont have cash in the house so i cant give cash and tell dad to stop at the shops on the way home.

YABU just buy her new ones tomorrow one more day in small ones wont hurt her.

YANBU gift her DD's old (new ones) so she can be comfortable

DD is the same size as her and friend is wearing size 3-4, DD is in 5-6 so DD's would definitely fit her better.

Aww poor little soul, l think you did the right thing.

I think you did a very kind thing in a very kind, unobtrusive manner.

MarshmallowSwede

This is a very lovely example of how small acts of kindness can make a huge impact on those who might be in a less than ideal place in their life.”

Indeed. We do need to be aware of other people’s sensibilities, though. Sending a child home in your child’s clothing or asking if the parent would like your child’s second hand clothes could be construed as a criticism. The parent may be doing their utmost in incredibly difficult circumstances and something that most people would see as an act of kindness could be misconstrued.

I would invite them in for coffee at pick up and try to gauge whether my offer would be welcome.

OP you sound very lovely and kind and tactful. Great role model to your daughter.

That's a really nice thing to do op

@smilingthroughgrittedteeth I think you did something kind and good. When DD was younger I passed all her old clothes on to a friend who struggled more than we did. Likewise when DD was very little a friend used to give me bags of clothes and at the time we were struggling (she didn’t know) and it truly helped.

Passing on used clothes should be the norm. It’s good for everyone.

@Whingasaurus

Just give her a bag of clothes and say DD grown out of these do you want to have a rummage at home and charity shop anything you don't want? She can then accept or refuse.

This. Stick a load of knickers and some other bits in too. They'll probably be grateful

I think that was a lovely gesture!

BowledOverly
Passing on used clothes should be the norm. It’s good for everyone.

Absolutely this!

Quite apart from it having been a kind thing, and the right one in every possible way, to do on this occasion, not putting more and more things into landfill is a good idea.

@smilingthroughgrittedteeth

I just want to be very clear again that no underwear was removed she went home in the knickers she was wearing

OP you shouldn't have to keep repeating this nor keep reading the comments about safeguarding when you've done nothing wrong in your approach.

Btw you are setting an amazing example to your DD and are a lovely person

Well done OP. You're very kind.

Bloody hell if op gave vests then no one would mention safeguarding. She gave clothes to a little girl in need. It doesn’t matter what clothes they were. Oh and at 5 my dd had sleepovers…and at that age they will strip iff to get changed for bed. Yes I would try for privacy for them but neither child gave a shiny shite about nudity (inc dd) So on some occasions me trying to give them privacy was epic fail!