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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how much it takes before the police...

139 replies

HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 19:49

Take stalking seriously?

I began talking to a guy. He told me after 2 days he was in love with me. We'd never met and only ever spoke on Snapchat, where I have my location turned off. I never gave him any details except my first name.
I told him that was creepy and moving waaaaay to fast and told him I was blocking him. I then blocked him.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then he popped up in my message requests on Facebook, so he'd found my surname.

I ignored and blocked and reported it to the police.

Since then I've had to block 16 fake accounts that he's set up on Facebook and Snapchat.

I've reported every single one to the police including the message "do you know who I am. I found you on here didn't I, watch out"

And the police still "cant" do anything.

How much more am I going to have to deal with before its taken seriously? What if he finds my address? I'm alone with 3 children.

Hes clearly deranged enough to harass me and right now I wouldn't put anything past him. I've begun sleeping with a knife in my bedroom just in case.

I shouldn't have to lice like this. In constant fear of a man I've never met.

AIBU to think online harassment and stalking should be taken more seriously?

OP posts:
EasyLikeSundays · 30/11/2021 19:52

Absolutely it should. Get off all social media completely remove your accounts now so he can't find any trace of you. Leave it like that for 2+ months then go back on if you want to. Hopefully he's moved onto someone else by then.

Rumplestrumpet · 30/11/2021 19:53

Oh wow HerRoyal that sounds appalling. I have no advice but is it worth chasing it up and basically harassing the police until they take it seriously? You shouldn't have to though.

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 19:54

@EasyLikeSundays I think I'll have too. Its getting ridiculous now.
@Rumplestrumpet I have been on the phone to the police constantly. I think they're sick of me to be honest!

OP posts:
MeltedButter · 30/11/2021 19:57

That's awful. I'm sorry this happening. I wonder if citizens advice can help you at all?

rrhuth · 30/11/2021 19:58

That is dreadful, I am really sorry this is happening to you and I totally agree the Police should take it more seriously.

Can you get any advice from a women's charity or a solicitor to put greater pressure on the Police to do something? He is harassing you, which is a criminal action.

rrhuth · 30/11/2021 19:59

Here is a helpline: www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline

At least they may make you feel like you are not going mad?

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 19:59

Thanks, I'll have a phone around tomorrow and see if there's anyone who can help.
I just want to live a normal, quiet life. But right now I feel like my life is the plot line of a soap. I shouldn't have to live in fear.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 30/11/2021 20:05

Remind them about the five Derbyshire Police officers currently under investigation for ignoring reports of stalking by Gracie Spinks and failing to take action when a ruck sack containing knives and an axe was found in the area. She was killed with an axe by her stalker who then killed himself.

EasyLikeSundays · 30/11/2021 20:07

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Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 20:09

@CaptainMyCaptain I will do. Its awful how women are just dismissed.
@EasyLikeSundays I shouldn't have to though. I should be able to be on social media and not be stalked across platforms and harassed. I should be able to say no and have that respected.

OP posts:
WhenSepEnds · 30/11/2021 20:12

@HerRoyalHappiness

Take stalking seriously?

I began talking to a guy. He told me after 2 days he was in love with me. We'd never met and only ever spoke on Snapchat, where I have my location turned off. I never gave him any details except my first name.
I told him that was creepy and moving waaaaay to fast and told him I was blocking him. I then blocked him.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then he popped up in my message requests on Facebook, so he'd found my surname.

I ignored and blocked and reported it to the police.

Since then I've had to block 16 fake accounts that he's set up on Facebook and Snapchat.

I've reported every single one to the police including the message "do you know who I am. I found you on here didn't I, watch out"

And the police still "cant" do anything.

How much more am I going to have to deal with before its taken seriously? What if he finds my address? I'm alone with 3 children.

Hes clearly deranged enough to harass me and right now I wouldn't put anything past him. I've begun sleeping with a knife in my bedroom just in case.

I shouldn't have to lice like this. In constant fear of a man I've never met.

AIBU to think online harassment and stalking should be taken more seriously?

Keep as much evidence as you can. Screenshots etc and dates of contact. Time and time again police won't do anything proactive, they will only ever react once something has happened. Could you gather the evidence and ask them to go and speak to him informally? It'll might be enough to put him off?
Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 20:15

@WhenSepEnds I have all screenshots and have sent them to the police to log. I've asked them to speak to him but all I have is a name and a photo. I dont know his address, date of birth, anything.

OP posts:
rrhuth · 30/11/2021 20:15

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EasyLikeSundays · 30/11/2021 20:25

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WhenSepEnds · 30/11/2021 20:27

[quote HerRoyalHappiness]@WhenSepEnds I have all screenshots and have sent them to the police to log. I've asked them to speak to him but all I have is a name and a photo. I dont know his address, date of birth, anything.[/quote]
So frustrating!! If you have a pic could you do a reverse image search on google and see if any other social media sites of his pop up?

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 20:27

@EasyLikeSundays or how about men take no as an answer ffs? Shouting feminism? I'm sorry if wanting g women to have rights offends you. But I have the right to live a life free of fear whether I have social media or not. You're starting to sound like someone who would ask what a woman was wearing when she got raped and then tut and say "well she was asking for it"
FWIW when I was raped I was wearing leggings and a t shirt. I was 11. I dodnt ask for it then. I'm not asking for this now.

OP posts:
EasyLikeSundays · 30/11/2021 20:30

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Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 20:32

My response to you is disgusting? You're seriously deluded.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 30/11/2021 20:34

I am sorry you've had this problem.

Have you considered the possibility, you only think he's a stranger because that's how he presented himself to you? actually you DO know him in real life (or, he knows you) and that's how he contacted you in the first place and how he's been able to keep track of you. Possibly via innocent mutual acquaintances.

Might help you narrow down the suspects .

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 20:34

I also didn't ask for advice. I asked if the police should do more to protect people from harassment and stalking.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 20:35

@2bazookas I've seen a picture he uses on SM, but im face blind thanks to being autistic so I could well have met him before and just don't remember. I'll ask around about him to see if he rings a bell with anyone.

OP posts:
rrhuth · 30/11/2021 20:37

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RoseRedRoseBlue · 30/11/2021 20:38

You need to have a look at paladinservice.co.uk

RoseRedRoseBlue · 30/11/2021 20:39

They are a Stalking Advocacy Service

Somebodylikeyew · 30/11/2021 20:39

Jesus, some appalling victim blaming posts on here.

OP, keep your own log; don’t rely on the police to have the overview. Send them the whole log every time you have to add a mew line. I’d also consider a Ring doorbell and maybe a security camera of some kind. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.