To wonder how much it takes before the police...

[HerRoyalHappiness]

Take stalking seriously?

I began talking to a guy. He told me after 2 days he was in love with me. We'd never met and only ever spoke on Snapchat, where I have my location turned off. I never gave him any details except my first name.
I told him that was creepy and moving waaaaay to fast and told him I was blocking him. I then blocked him.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then he popped up in my message requests on Facebook, so he'd found my surname.

I ignored and blocked and reported it to the police.

Since then I've had to block 16 fake accounts that he's set up on Facebook and Snapchat.

I've reported every single one to the police including the message "do you know who I am. I found you on here didn't I, watch out"

And the police still "cant" do anything.

How much more am I going to have to deal with before its taken seriously? What if he finds my address? I'm alone with 3 children.

Hes clearly deranged enough to harass me and right now I wouldn't put anything past him. I've begun sleeping with a knife in my bedroom just in case.

I shouldn't have to lice like this. In constant fear of a man I've never met.

AIBU to think online harassment and stalking should be taken more seriously?

@HerRoyalHappiness

Him harassing you is clearly not ok on any level, but you’re making it easy for him by retaining your social media. You’re being incredibly naïve if you think you shouldn’t take any steps to protect yourself.

I'm not being naive. I. Maintaining my social life. I'm disabled and only able to contact friends and most of my family via SM. I'm autistic and struggle with social interaction as it is. SM makes it easy for me. I already suffer severely with depression and removing myself from SM would enhance that. I'm not putting my mental health on the line when the police should be stepping up and doing more to help.

If you’d said that in your initial post, it would have been clearer. That certainly explains your reluctance to come off social media.

Hopefully he’ll be identified and dealt with soon. Ring doorbells are very good for helping you feel safe in the house.

Not that you should have to, but can you change your name on your SM accounts temporarily? Change it to your first name and middle name, removing the surname, or slightly change your name (ie Cathy Smyth rather than Catherine Smith) and change your profile pictures to something random like a nice sunset/cute kitten etc? Might make it more difficult for him to track you down.

I’m sorry you’re going through this

Is there any chance that you do actually know him and he’s used a fake photo? Disgruntled ex , someone you have had a disagreement with (it could be a female)

Well I do have a disgruntled ex but I doubt it's him, he's not clever enough to make up fake names to be honest.
Mind you I have mentioned it to him (he only lives around the corner. I mentioned if things get bad could he run round and grab the kids if I need him too, he's their dad) and he told me he'd help me... maybe he's trying to win me back by inventing a bad guy then he can be the Knight in shining armour? Hmmm... I dont know though. Its very confusing.

Ok they absolutely can do something. They can warn him under the harassment act for a start.

However finding him may be the hard art. You don’t have my details other than his name. That’s not be necessarily enough to find him. They can ask Facebook for the IP details of whoever is using those accounts, then go to the ISP to see who was using those IP addresses at the relevant times. But if they are not registered, or if he is using a VPN, then there’s not a whole lot more they can do. They should at least try though

*caveat - it’s been a while since I’ve had to enquiries like this so it may be a little different now.

You can ask to speak to an inspector if you feel you are not being taken seriously.

@Coldilox thank you, that's good to know.

don’t have any* details

Sorry, fat fingers!

OP, ring your police and tell them you want to make a formal complaint. Ask for an inspector from CID to ring you back. That will get you listened to properly and get you taken seriously.

@gonnabeok thank you.
It does feel like they're not taking it seriously which as we all know is a dangerous game to play.

I had a brief relationship with someone years ago, when I finished it he became my stalker. The Police went round to see him & told me to keep a record of everything, the Police woman was quite good actually & came back to see me to tell me how it went. When I saw a solicitor he told me it would be easier to get someone to go round & give him a talking to. I could’ve done, but I needed to do this on my own. I went home from seeing the solicitor & wrote (no laptop in those days) 12 pages of A4 as evidence of his creepiness. He’d say that his parents had died, or he was dying, I’d given him aids & now we would stick together for ever, he’d ring me up about 50 times a day, just after I got home, or I’d constantly bump into him when out. I could’ve ignored the piece of shit, but then he stared ringing my mother. After 6 months it went to court & I got an injunction out against him. I saw him in the street not long after & looked him in the eye until he looked away. Hopefully you can get something done about that shitbag too.

Have you tried a revese image search as a PP suggested? I can talk you through it if you dont know how. So sorry you are going through this it must be very confusing as well as scary.

@FrankGrillosWrist that sounds horrendous.
I'm so glad you managed to get an injunction against him.

I had a stalker too, pre social media. After he tried to get in my house police advice was to move. They really weren't interested in helping me. By that stage I'd got my staffy - visual deterrent who sounded scary but in reality he was a very friendly boy. He'd sleep next to my bed as there's no point having a dog if it's locked out / locked away from you and a person is in the house. I'd had calls for years. I got suspicious when they'd happen if I was home from work sick. Multiple calls a day then. Narrowed it down to a male friend I worked with. After changing numbers three times in quick succession, I was close to certain it was him. I kept reducing the list of who got my number. He didn't get the third one and the calls stopped. Coincidence?

I know you said you need it to keep in touch with family and friends but can’t you do that through what’s app or text? I’m not saying you should come off but I don’t think disappearing for a while is a terrible idea as then he will get bored if he can no longer contact you and give up, I don’t think he’s going to show up at your door so I wouldn’t go that far most online weirdos are just that, online weirdos

@mogschristmascalamity I have. Nothing comes up. The only thing coming up for the name is the profile he used to contact me on and another profile with the same name on linked in, and a random child actor.

maybe he's trying to win me back by inventing a bad guy then he can be the Knight in shining armour

This is what I think the guy harassing me was doing. Scare me so I call someone to help me and he could swoop in.

@k1233 that definitely seems suspicious!
@TurnUpTurnip I don't have the numbers for a lot of my family. I could ask so that I have them. I really hope he is just an online weirdo.

Yeah there use to be loads when I was online some guy even made a whole fake profile of me after I rejected him just don’t want you thinking he is likely to turn up as that’s really not likely to happen. I’m not surprised by the police though can’t say I’ve had good experiences with them after reporting harassment and being told it’s not a crime 🤦🏻

do you think maybe making a public Facebook post would help, like exposing him, his face and name to all of Facebook?! so that it can be shared?. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this..... I'm so angry for you.

To answer your original query: yes they should do more.

In terms of your social media, get rid of Snapchat, it’s for teenagers, and put a private post on your other socials to let your friends and family know you’ve been a victim of stalking and you’ll be deleting your account and recreating it under a different name, maybe your middle name? And no actual photo of you.

That enables you to stay in contact via SM but hopefully get rid of the stalker.

OP a couple of people have suggested this is someone you know - I used to get dodgy phone calls as a teenager - I 100% found the voice familiar but never managed to pin point exactly who it was . It stopped when I moved away to go to Uni . I’d suggest coming off social media for a month , I know you don’t want to but it may just give him time to get bored and move on to someone else .

Is there any trace of your address online? Have you googled your full name with the area/Town you live at the end? Just double check your address isn't readily available to look up anywhere op. I'm so sorry this sounds really scary

@TurnUpTurnip since when was harassment not a crime?! I'm sorry you went through that.

@petshihtzu I'd rather not make a public post just in case ot is someone else's photo and name he's using. I wouldn't want to tar someone with that brush if it's not really them

Just came on to say look at Paladin too. The founder, Laura Richards, campaigns on law reform around stalking and domestic abuse, particularly coercive control, and is an all-round amazing woman.

paladinservice.co.uk/

@Earwigworries I'm sorry that happened to you.
@Babyvenusplant no trace of my address, I've googled. I've double checked all DS1s social media too. He doesn't have photos of himself on anyway (he's 13 and hates photos of himself) and his location is off on everything. I've checked his friends list and I know them all, so that's good. (I keep a close eye on his SM anyway)

Thank you @CaveMum