To wonder how much it takes before the police...

[HerRoyalHappiness]

Take stalking seriously?

I began talking to a guy. He told me after 2 days he was in love with me. We'd never met and only ever spoke on Snapchat, where I have my location turned off. I never gave him any details except my first name.
I told him that was creepy and moving waaaaay to fast and told him I was blocking him. I then blocked him.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then he popped up in my message requests on Facebook, so he'd found my surname.

I ignored and blocked and reported it to the police.

Since then I've had to block 16 fake accounts that he's set up on Facebook and Snapchat.

I've reported every single one to the police including the message "do you know who I am. I found you on here didn't I, watch out"

And the police still "cant" do anything.

How much more am I going to have to deal with before its taken seriously? What if he finds my address? I'm alone with 3 children.

Hes clearly deranged enough to harass me and right now I wouldn't put anything past him. I've begun sleeping with a knife in my bedroom just in case.

I shouldn't have to lice like this. In constant fear of a man I've never met.

AIBU to think online harassment and stalking should be taken more seriously?

I do wonder how much Facebook etc actually co-operate with the Police though.
If you know who the guy is and they can identify him I agree they ought to take action
I don’t think Facebook etc will part with any personal data unless it’s for very serious offences and in any case it is easy to get disposable email addresses etc now

@Siameasy that's a good question. I'm not dure how much they cooperate. Surely there must be something to say they have to.

This is why we need laws and policies that are updated quicker. And police who have training in taking womens reports seriously. I hope the stalking advice lines can help you, and looks like there is some good advice about how to approach the police too. This is outrageous. I thought there was a law that making a threat was an assault - ie in assault and battery making the threat was the assault and actually hitting someone was the battery.

@HerRoyalHappiness
According to the police officer I spoke to, the threat to watch out is just an empty threat but of course if anything does happen I've to contact them... which by then its too bloody late.

Sorry meant to tag @Wheresmywoolyjumpers
My fingers aren't working! I'm exhausted

You've had great advice on the stalking, I have little to add to that but I would say do not sleep with a knife.

A weapon you are not prepared to use is a weapon you are giving to your attacker. I was advised, when scared for my safety after getting rid of my violent ex, was to keep something light but hard with me. I used to sleep with my knife steel.....you know the thing you use to sharpen knives. I was told that there is a reason the police have those long thin batons and its because they are a) easy to hold b) easy to smack down on someones arm or hand or whatever c) isnt seen in such a threatening way by an attacker and d) hurts like an absolute bastard.

Could you actually stab someone? Up close and personal? Because with a knife that is potentially all you would be able to do. Small light and painful is the way to go. Get your kids to smack you on the arm with a chopstick if you dont believe me!

@PyongyangKipperbang I like to think I'd be able to stab someone to defend myself but of course the reality of that could well be very different.

So sorry @HerRoyalHappiness - what shitty advice from them. Hope the stalking charities can help.

Thank you for all the helpful advice.
You've been much more helpful than the police!
I'm rather annoyed that they seem to think they can ignore people when they're being harassed like this. This is how things escalate and people (women) end up dead.

My friend was stalked and ignored and not taken seriously. It wasn't nice. However, a boyfriend of a colleague said he was stalked and police took it seriously and logged a crime and it turned out he was the guilty one but used stalking as a cover for what he had done. So men get treated differently, or at least as far as the colleagues boyfriend was. She believed him and stood by him. Others distanced themselves and felt sorry for her, he basically convinced her he was a victim and he wasn't.
Back to my friend. Eventually the stalker met a new woman and moved on but a horrible experience for her.

I had a crazy person who would 'follow' me everywhere on the internet. I had to remove myself entirely. No more website for freelancing. No more social media. Then the post started coming. Signing me up to catalogues, and junk mail. Then email newsletters for very nasty targeted things. Then turned into any old shit they could sign me up to. Nothing the police can do apparently. Reported several times. After about 7-8 years they gave up.

this may be helpful

[quote HerRoyalHappiness]@PyongyangKipperbang I like to think I'd be able to stab someone to defend myself but of course the reality of that could well be very different.[/quote]
I was advised that the next time I was cooking a joint to drive a sharp knife into it whilst at the same time thinking of it as a person who was bigger and stronger than me. Would I manage it? Maybe. Could they take it off me and use it against me? Almost certainly.

And it took way more force than I realised to stab a joint of pork, and the pork wasnt trying to hurt me or get the knife off me at the time. Remember, its self defence not self offence.

It really changed my view and I feel safer now.

The police can't actually do much. People get death threats online and there's not much they can do either. IP addresses are not accurate and if you harass people online you'd use a VPN anyway and if not probably wouldn't do it from home. Plus the troll could be anywhere in the world.

How did you start talking to him? If you had a photo on the account you interacted with, it wouldn't be very hard to find your Facebook account with just your first name. Don't panic - he can't magically find your address unless you've got public photos of where you live on your FB. You mentioned you've checked all info available so you're good.

You should now change your FB settings so your account is not visible to anyone who is not your friend.

Why can't you delete your Snapchat? Or create a new account under a different name?

Thanks @Gilead

@PyongyangKipperbang I'm making a joint of pork tomorrow (the kids love a midweek roast) I get your point about them taking the knife. I'd best find something else.

@skittles98 surely the police can at least try and do more? They haven't even tried they're just telling me to log every incident.

I would definitely delete your SM accounts and recreate them (unsearchable) under a different name. No it’s not ideal, but it’s about protecting yourself. Sorry if I missed this but do you know how he found out your surname? This might be worth following up to see where he’s getting his information

Tbh whilst it’s online it’s prob extremely difficult for the police to do much, how would they be able to prove who it is without a lot of resources which they don’t have? The guys profile is most likely fake.

Tbh I think it’s more the fault of the SM companies for often failing to police what is happening in their platform and hiding behind protecting various rights of users whilst simultaneously neglecting others.

@JohnDee007 I've no idea how he found my surname.

So sorry to hear you are going through this nightmare. Please contact the Suzie Lamplugh Advice Line, they will help point you in the right direction, they are brilliant.
www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline

I wouldn’t be so sure the police are not taking it seriously. From what I understand they have a photo and first name. I am sure they will be requesting details from the SM companies but be aware most refuse to provide any information. Then the police have a needle in a haystack situation. It’s very scary and many people don’t realise how these SM companies take little responsibility for people using them.

@JohnDee007 I've no idea how he found my surname

This really makes me think it’s someone that knows you, which is even more upsetting.

@peskyginge I understand its hard to get the information when there's not much ti go on, but youd think they'd try harder to make me feel safe at least.
.@Vapeyvapevape I've been considering the fact it may be my ex. He was abusive and told me just before all this happened that he was still in love with me. I told him I'd never go back to him and then this happens... coincidence?
Thing is I don't want to point fingers if it's not him. I need proof.

I’d put money on it being your ex

[quote HerRoyalHappiness]@JohnDee007 I've no idea how he found my surname.[/quote]
If they had a picture they could have used a reverse image search potentially. Otherwise I would agree with others that it’s someone you know. Can you think of anyone you know who could be acting like this? Any ex boyfriends? Anyone you work with? If you suspect someone in real life and can tell the police they might be more able to act.
We had an incident where someone who had previously created trouble for us tracked down our relatives online and sent messages. The police went round to his house and gave him a warning. Unfortunately when all you have is some probably fake name of someone prob using a fake picture who could be anywhere in the world the police just haven’t got the resources to dW.

[quote HerRoyalHappiness]@peskyginge I understand its hard to get the information when there's not much ti go on, but youd think they'd try harder to make me feel safe at least.
.@Vapeyvapevape I've been considering the fact it may be my ex. He was abusive and told me just before all this happened that he was still in love with me. I told him I'd never go back to him and then this happens... coincidence?
Thing is I don't want to point fingers if it's not him. I need proof.[/quote]
Sorry just seen your update. It will almost certainly be your ex. Have you told the police about your suspicions? It’s then down to them to prove it? Does the language sound like your ex? Tell the police that you left an abusive relationship and suspect it’s him. That should give them more to go on. If your ex is innocent then at least you can discount him.