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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To wonder how much it takes before the police...

139 replies

HerRoyalHappiness · 30/11/2021 19:49

Take stalking seriously?

I began talking to a guy. He told me after 2 days he was in love with me. We'd never met and only ever spoke on Snapchat, where I have my location turned off. I never gave him any details except my first name.
I told him that was creepy and moving waaaaay to fast and told him I was blocking him. I then blocked him.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then he popped up in my message requests on Facebook, so he'd found my surname.

I ignored and blocked and reported it to the police.

Since then I've had to block 16 fake accounts that he's set up on Facebook and Snapchat.

I've reported every single one to the police including the message "do you know who I am. I found you on here didn't I, watch out"

And the police still "cant" do anything.

How much more am I going to have to deal with before its taken seriously? What if he finds my address? I'm alone with 3 children.

Hes clearly deranged enough to harass me and right now I wouldn't put anything past him. I've begun sleeping with a knife in my bedroom just in case.

I shouldn't have to lice like this. In constant fear of a man I've never met.

AIBU to think online harassment and stalking should be taken more seriously?

OP posts:

LucentBlade · 01/12/2021 09:46

I don’t use snapchat but can you set up the account so that new requests to friend are all blocked

I have had an online life for a long time but it was because of gaming. I have had a serious stalker though he was in America but fortunately I never use my actual first name online. I use a derivative of my actual first name online, e.g Katherine is my name but I’m known as Katy but on all official documentation I’m Katherine, obviously not my actual name.

You may have said very roughly the area you live in and have referenced something that could put you in a more specific location.

However the information about your ex does point to him, look how you have had to turn to him.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 09:50

I definitely didn't mention the area I live in. Which is a jother reason I think it could be my ex because I've had another message request this morning telling me he's in my city. I've phoned the police again and passed on my suspicion that it's my ex using fake profiles. They're going to look into it and have a word with him.

OP posts:

Martz · 01/12/2021 13:36

I know it’s not domestic abuse as such, but have a google for “target hardening in stalking” and there are some good websites that will help you to make it more difficult for anyone to gain entry to your property and may help you feel safer. This person is harassing you and if you can get hold of the handle to the user account online that they’re using to make contact with you, then the police can use this to successfully trace a person.

MorningStarling · 01/12/2021 13:47

Realistically the police won't do anything until something more serious happens. It doesn't necessarily have to be him assaulting you but they won't treat online "only" harassment as a priority.

Please don't keep a weapon in your bedroom. If something happens and he did break in, and you injured him you would be in serious trouble. If you grab something that happens to be close by and whack him with it (eg a heavy candlestick) that would be ok, but by keeping a weapon or anything that you can't give a justifiable reason as being a normal item to have by your bed (a crowbar for example wouldn't be a normal bedroom item) you would lose the argument that it was self defence rather than premeditated.

Yes, I am saying that you can't keep an object by your bed for self defence, because you wouldn't normally have it. But you can defend yourself with an object that would ordinarily be there if you weren't being stalked.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 13:54

OP posts:

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/12/2021 17:23

@HerRoyalHappiness

Hair spray - quite normal but could be used in self-defence and doesn't require much strength.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 17:59

@CaptainMyCaptain thank you, good idea.

OP posts:

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:00

I spoke to the suzy Lamplugh Trust today. They were really kind and sympathetic and told me I should complain to the police as they're not taking this seriously. They also advised me to keep screenshots of everything as evidence. Which I have, all in a folder on my phone so that's good.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:07

Hair spray - quite normal but could be used in self-defence and doesn't require much strength.

For that to be even slightly effective, you'd have to be very close so I really wouldn't recommend that.

OP, did he give off a vibe that made you sense he was going to stalk you? I just wonder because blocking someone on Snapchat and then having them message you on FB isn't really the sort of thing most people would contact the Police about.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:11

@WorraLiberty he told me he found me on FB so watch out, so yeah I'd say that gave stalker vibes. And the fact I've had to block so many accounts.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:18

You know what OP? Due to a couple of PPs mentioning your previous posts I did a super quick AS and in less than 3 minutes I found...

The age and sex of two of your DC

Information about your boyfriend including where his family live

And one of your young DC's actual name!

Get this thread deleted and think about how much information about you and those close to you, you're putting on a public forum.

To offer up so much information and then not name change for this thread, kind of makes a mockery of this problem.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:19

I didnt namechange so that people wouldn't accuse me of being a troll. You cant win on this site.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:21

@HerRoyalHappiness

I didnt namechange so that people wouldn't accuse me of being a troll. You cant win on this site.

And not having strangers think you might be a troll is more important than the safety of your kids and boyfriend?

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:25

Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:30

"I didnt namechange so that people wouldn't accuse me of being a troll."

Were they not your words then?

Look, you're being stalked, the police aren't helping and you are inadvertently helping your stalker out by possibly providing information to him.

That's not safe for you or your children.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:32

You accused me of thinking that was more important than the safety of my children. I've never once said that, I simply explained why I didn't namechange. This site is a hell hole if it decides you're a troll, I've been there done that.

OP posts:

Userguaranteed · 01/12/2021 18:36

I do think it's weird when posters accuse someone of trolling or being a first time poster on a namechanging site, however it's easily confirmed by MNHQ if you aren't a first timer troll. So you can nc and post, regardless. It's not such a big deal.

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:37

Look come on now OP and think about it.

It doesn't matter who thinks you're a troll and who doesn't. This is an anonymous forum, posted on by people you've never met and never will.

The issue is the amount of identifying information about you and your family you've put on a public forum at a time when you're being stalked.

Your daughter's name, age and details of her puberty are also here for all to see.

If you don't want the thread deleted that's your call. I just thought I'd point out the obvious.

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:38

And people who name change for silly reasons irritate me, but if there was ever a thread to actually do it on, it was this one.

Userguaranteed · 01/12/2021 18:41

Regardless of namechange, OP, just be careful with the personal details and information you post online, especially on sites like MN where you can't just delete your post whenever you want.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:42

I've not put details of any of my children's puberty on here. The only thing I did was link a post regarding hormones at 8/9 years old in children to advise another poster who's child was struggling. I never mentioned puberty, the article did but not me.

OP posts:

Funnylittlefloozie · 01/12/2021 18:47

Just on the subject of 'items that might have a good reason for being in your bedroom', in the days when i lived on my own with my young teenage DD, i used to have a 13" forged steel adjustable spanner that lived beside my bed. The bolts on the POS bed were forever needing adjusting....hence why the extremely large and heavy spanner had to be in my room at all times. Your bed may have the same problem.

WorraLiberty · 01/12/2021 18:48

Crack on then OP and enjoy your thread.

Original poster

HerRoyalHappiness · 01/12/2021 18:55

@Funnylittlefloozie thanks.
@WorraLiberty trust me I'm not enjoying any part of this. But you crack on kicking a woman while she's down.

OP posts:

Toomanyradishes · 01/12/2021 19:14

Not a knife, but a policeman once advised me to have the biggest heaviest maglight torch by my bed (for power cuts of course) when i was bring stalked. I ended up having to move and change my number etc, i hope he gets bored and leaves you alone x

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